2003-2004 school year
August 19, 2003
- Today, there will be
6.5 million people standing in front of a class teachin, and over 73 million
students behind a desk learning.
- With every leaf a
- Cauliflower is nothing
but cabbage with an education--Mark Twain
- A man's library is a
sort of harem.--Ralph Waldo Emerson
- I'm not going to buy
my kids an encyclopedia. Let them walk to school like I did.--Yogi Berra
- WOD: Matriculation-v-to
enroll in a school or college
- AWOD: Arithmetic-v-being
able to count up to 20 without taking off your shoes.--Mickey Mouse
- LYRIC: "We gotta go
back, back to school again."--Grease II
August 21, 2003
All human knowledge thus begins with intuitions,
proceeds thence to concepts, and ends with ideas.--Kant, Emmanual (1724 - 1804)
Man is like steel. Them second he loses his
temper, he loses his worth.—Chuck Norris
Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!
Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what
they do "practice?"
Everybody repeat after me . . ."We are all
WOD: Bucolic - adj- Relating to or
typical of the countryside or its people; rustic.
AWOD: Bed and Breakfast-n-Two things
kids will never make for themselves
LYRIC: "Won't you believe it / It's just my
luck / No recess / You're in high school again"--Nirvana: Bleach
August 25, 2003
Music is the pleasure the human soul experiences from counting, without being
aware that it is counting.--Leibniz
Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.
a know fact: Cross-eyed teachers can't control their pupils.
is like a dog sled team: If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never
man who claims to be the boss in his own home will lie about other things as
There once was a lady from Kew / Whose limericks end at line two.
Vainglory-n-excessive pride; arrogance; hubris
AWOD: Loan-n-money you can get from the bank if you can first prove that
you don't need it.
LYRIC: "You don't know how it feels to be me."--Tom Petty
August 27, 2003
- If you would be a real
seeker after truth, you must at least once in your life doubt, as far as
possible, all things.--Rene Descartes
- Only the mediocre are
always at their best.--Jean Giraudoux
- A low voter turnout is
an indication of fewer people going to the polls.--Dan Quayle
- Father: "What is it
with you, son? Is it ignorance or apathy?"
I don't know, and I don't care."
- It takes a big man to
cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.-Jack Handey
- The Bureau of
Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three.
- WOD: Dour-adj-Harsh;
stern; Unyielding; inflexible; obstinate.
- AWOD: Acorn-n-an
oak in a nutshell.
- LYRIC: "All of us
get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars." – Rush:
August 29, 2003
A formal manipulator in
mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil
surpasses him in intelligence.--Howard W. Eves
The aim of an argument or
discussion should not be victory, but progress.-- Joseph Joubert
I told my psychiatrist that
everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me
Everywhere is within walking
distance if you have the time.--Steven Wright.
The President has kept all the
promises he intended to keep.—Clinton aide George Stephanopolous.
If you owe the bank $100 that's
your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.—JP
WOD: Equipoise-n-the state
of being equally balanced, as in moral, social, or political interests.
AWOD: Originality-n-the art
of concealing your sources.--Einstein
LYRIC: "An honest man's pillow
is his peace of mind." - John Cougar Mellencamp: Minutes To Memories
I believe that mathematical reality lies outside
us, that our function is to discover or observe it, and that the theorems which
we prove, and which we describe grandiloquently as our "creations," are simply
the notes of our observations.--Hardy, Godfrey H. (1877 - 1947)
Originality and the feeling of one's own dignity
are achieved only
through work and struggle.-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821-1881) Russian Novelist
Behind every successful man stands a surprised
mother-in-law.-- Hubert Humphrey.
The play was a great success - but the audience
was a disaster.--Oscar Wilde
Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It
doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tyres, especially
while the bike is moving. Our lawyers made us put these warnings in.
--Australian motorcycle manual
Don't judge a book by its movie.
WOD: Pestilence-n-A pernicious, evil
influence or agent.
AWOD: Baroque - [Econ.] when you are out
LYRIC: "I guess we've come full circle, we
are strangers once again."--Robert Earl Keen: Love's A Word
September 5, 2003
A precision professor had the habit of saying "
. . . a quartic polynomial ax^4+bx^3+cx^2+dx+e, where e need not be the base of
the natural logarithms."--J.E. Littlewood
The probability of someone watching you is
directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.
Never underestimate the power of stupid people
in large groups.
Get yourself vaccinated; seafloors are
I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up
the intelligence. There's one called "brightness," but it doesn't work.
WOD: Infinitesimal-n-a very, very, small,
AWOD: Experience-n-that marvelous thing
that allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.--F.P.Jones
LYRIC: "Might as well share, might as well
smile. Life goes on for a little-bitty while."--Alan Jackson
September 9, 2003
Although I am not stupid, the mathematical side
of my brain is like dumb notes upon a damaged piano.--Margot Asquith
Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing,
taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.
-- Mary Lou Cook
After things have gone from bad to
worse, the cycle will repeat.
Get thee down. Be thou funky.
The reward for a job well done is
The sooner you fall behind, the
more time you have to catch up.
occupation; a profession.
AWOD: Buffet - French word
that means "get up and get it yourself"
LYRIC: "Freedom, well, that's
just some people talking. Your prison is walking through this world all alone."
- The Eagles, Desperado
In earlier times, they had no statistics, and so
they had to fall back on lies.--Stephen Leacock
Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you
want to test a man's character, give him power.--A. Lincoln
We have them right where they want us.--Capt.
Have you ever imagined a world without
Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.
When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will
WOD: Taciturn-adj- Habitually silent;
not inclined to talk; reticent
LYRIC: "Sometimes you're the windshield,
sometimes you're the bug."--Dire Straits
September 15, 2003
Mark all mathematical heads which be wholly and
only bent on these sciences, how solitary they be themselves, how unfit to live
with others, how unapt to serve the world.--Ascham, Roger (1515-1568)
Education is the ability to listen to almost
anything without losing your temper or your self confidence.--Robert Frost (1874
Q: What's brown and sticky? A: a stick.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the
same time. I think I've forgotten this before.
Indiana State Motto: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave
Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do
not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, Just
leave me the heck alone.
WOD: Harbinger-n-a foreshadower; a
forbearer of things to come
AWOD: Broadband-n-The Dixie Chicks
LYRIC: "I fell into a burning ring of fire.
I went down, down, down, and the flames got higher."--Johnny Cash
September 17, 2003
Universities hire professors the way some men
choose wives - they want the ones the others will admire.--Kline, Morris
In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In
victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill.-- Sir Winston Churchill
We recently received a memo from senior
management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today
regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)
It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're
going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
Forget about World Peace..... Visualize Using
Your Turn Signal
Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any
person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane
WOD: Brackish-adj-somewhat salty;
AWOD: Bulldozer-n-a person who sleeps
through campaign speech.
LYRIC: "If you want it, come and get it, for
crying out loud."--David Gray: Babylon
September 19, 2003
...from the same principles, I now demonstrate
the frame of the System of the World.--Newton, Isaac (1642-1727)
He can do more for others who has done most with
himself.-- S.D. Gordon
Always drink upstream from the herd.--Cowboy
Today on Wall Street, Escalators continued their
slow decline while pencils lost a few points. Diapers remained unchanged.
We know that communication is a problem, but the
company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor,
AT&T Long Lines Division)
Animal testing is futile. They always get
nervous and give the wrong answers.
WOD: Inveigh-v-to protest strongly or
attack with harsh and bitter language
AWOD: Censorship-n- * *** *** *********
LYRIC: "Every time I thought I'd got it
made, It seems the taste was not so sweet."--David Bowie: Changes
September 23, 2003
Everything of importance has been said before by
somebody who did not discover it.--Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)
That's war: trading men for real-estate.--Sands
of Iwa Jima: Pfc Al Thomas to Pfc Charlie Bass
People demand freedom of speech to make up for
the freedom of thought which they avoid.-- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)
I don't want to achieve immortality through my
work. I want to achieve it through not dying.- Woody Allen
There is only one thing in the world worse than
being talked about, and that is not being talked about.-- Oscar Wilde
I've said it once, I'll say it again: "I don't
like to repeat myself!"
WOD: Transmogrify-v- To change into a
different shape or to transform, often with bizarre or humorous effect.
AWOD: Conductor-n- musician who is adept
at following many people at the same time
LYRIC: "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, life goes on."--
September 25, 2003
A linguist would be shocked to learn that if a
set is not closed this does not mean that it is open, or again that "E is dense
in E" does not mean the same thing as "E is dense in itself."--Littlewood, J. E.
To live a creative life, we must lose our fear
of being wrong.--Joseph Chilton Pearce
All I ask is the chance to prove that money
can't make me happy.--Spike Milligan.
The secret of good teaching is to appear to have
known all your life what you learned the previous afternoon.
I called the 'Psychic Friends Network' the other
day...they said they saw a really big phone bill in my future!"
REWARD: Lost - $50 ... if found, just keep it!
WOD: Equipollent-n-equal if force or
AWOD: Money-n-the poor man's credit
LYRIC: "Even though the whole world has
forgotten, the song remembers when."--Trisha Yearwood
October 6, 2003
The essential fact is that all the pictures
which science now draws of nature, and which alone seem capable of according
with observational facts, are mathematical pictures. --Jeans, Sir James
We should be too big to take offense and too
noble to give it.—Lincoln on Character
I don't read books, but I have friends who do.
-George W. Bush
The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts
working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get
into the office. -Robert Frost
A woman has the last word in any argument.
Anything a man says afterward is the beginning of a new argument.
The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg
Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence,
but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.
WOD: Caveat-n-a warning or caution
art of making the possible impossible. -Javier Pascual Salcedo
LYRIC: “Fool you once, you are forgiven. Fool
you twice, you're just a fool.”-- Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Better To Dream
October 8, 2003
[During a lecture:]This has been done elegantly
by Minkowski; but chalk is cheaper than grey matter, and we will do it as it
comes. --Einstein, Albert (1879-1955)
You can fool some of the people all the time,
and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people
all the time.—Lincoln on Deceit
You can fool some of the people all of the time,
and all of the people some of the time...and that should be enough to get you
Einstein discovered that time and space are
interchangeable when he showed up three miles late for a meeting.
Have you ever wondered why poets have been
mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese?
The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football.
A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.--Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports
WOD: Hobbledehoy-n-an awkward, gawky
young fellow.AWOD: Boundary-n- In political geography, an imaginary line
between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary
rights of another.--Ambrose Bierce
Lyric: “It was a night, ooh what a night it
was, it really was such a night.”—Conway Twitty
October 10, 2003
- The people who are
regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures
themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of
others.-- Bertrand Russell, British mathematician and philosopher
or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences. (Robert Louis
- Don't offer me advice,
give me money.-- Spanish proverb
- If living conditions
don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble
beginnings for our great men.-- Russell P. Askue
- Everybody talks about
the weather but nobody does anything about it.-- Charles Dudley Warner
- Passive activity
income does not include the following: Income for an activity that is not a
passive activity.--- IRS form 8583, Passive Activity Loss Limitation
- WOD: Gestalt-n-A
physical, biological, psychological, or symbolic configuration or pattern of
elements so unified as a whole that its properties cannot be derived from a
simple summation of its parts.
- see professional liar (non-legal)
ain't man's final frontier, man's final frontier is the soul.”--
Arrested Development, Man's Final Frontier
October 16, 2003
No human investigation can be called real
science if it cannot be demonstrated mathematically.-- Leonardo da Vinci
Conversation is an exercise of the
mind; gossip is an exercise of the tongue.
We'd like to avoid problems, because when we
have problems, we can have troubles.--- Wesley Bolin, Arizona Governor
You can't just let nature run wild.--- Wally
Hickel, former Alaska governor
The Packers never lost a game, we
just occasionally ran out of time.—Vince Lombardi
Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
Defendant: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think." -- Testimony from court
accept or consent passively or without objection -- usually used with 'in' or
AWOD: Mississippi-n- Mr.
Lyric: “It’s not having what
you want, It’s wanting what you’ve got.”—Sheryl Crow: Soak up the Sun
Nature to him was an open book, whose letters he
could read without effort. Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [About Newton]
I attribute my success to this--I
never gave or took any excuse. (Florence Nightingale)
Leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon
having a good time.—Rome Laundry
If ignorance is bliss why aren't
more people happy?
Never put off to tomorrow what you
can avoid altogether.
All those who believe in
psychokinesis raise my hand.
with frustration, from Tolkien’s Hobbit
Literature: Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to
read-- Mark Twain
are the people our parents warned us about."-Jimmy
In mathematical analysis
we call x the undetermined part of line a: the rest we don't
call y, as we do in common life, but a-x. Hence mathematical
language has great advantages over the common language.--Georg Christoph
Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)
From childhood's hour I have not been
As others were -- I have not seen
As others saw.--Edgar Allan Poe
It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable,
as one's hat keeps blowing off.-- Woody Allen
It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if
you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people
It's was so cold, the
politicians had their hands in their OWN pockets.
Gather round like cattle
and ye shall be herd.
WOD: Inexorable-adj-Not capable of being persuaded by entreaty;
inflexible; relentless; adamant.
devices with which a good deal depends on a good deal.
LYRIC: “Hop in my Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale, and it’s about to set
sail.”—B52s: Love Shack
Though this be madness, yet there is method
in't.—William Shakespeare (1564-1616)
As long as people will accept
(garbage) crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.--Dick Cavett
Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.
All I ask is for the chance to prove that money
can't make me happy.
The trouble with being punctual is that no one
is there to appreciate it.
When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of
tea in China.
WOD: Non-sequitur-n-an inference or conclusion that does not follow
logically from what preceded it.
AWOD: Monday-n-In the USA, the day after the Football game.
LYRIC: “I’m my own Grandpa.”—Lonzo and Oscar
Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we're not.
In both cases the thought is equally shocking.—Arthur C. Clarke
Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear
the music.—Angela Monet
My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don't trip
over the furniture.—Noel Coward
lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.—Zig Ziglar
Q: How many people work at your company? A: Oh, about half of them.
I've been on a calendar, but never on time.—Marilyn Monroe
WOD: ad hoc-adv-
Improvised and often impromptu
newer version of software where the old bugs have been removed and new ones
have been installed.
LYRIC: "You can spit shine me all
you want, but I'm still going to be the same old piece of tin"
Nature uses as little as
possible of anything.--Kepler, Johannes (1571-1630)
There is nothing funny
about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal
demand for revenge by children on the adult world.--Jean Baudrillard
I'll bet living in a nudist colony
takes all the fun out of Halloween.—A. Non
Ghosts, like ladies, never speak
till spoke to.--Richard Harris Barham
How do you stop a Frankenstein biting his nails?
Give him screws
Did you hear that
Dracula had to take medicine to cure his coffin?
spiritual or ghostly double or counterpart
–nouns-a hot dog and a mug of beer
like a ghost, you've been a-hauntin' my dreams, So I'll propose... on
Halloween. Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you.”--Dennis
Yost and the Classics IV: SPOOKY
...we have overcome the notion that mathematical truths have an existence
independent and apart from our own minds. It is even strange to us that such
a notion could ever have existed.--Kasner, E. and Newman, J.
Neurosis is the way of avoiding non-being by avoiding being.--
Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
I would love to speak a
foreign language but I can't. So I grew hair under
my arms instead. - Sue Kolinsky
If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible
- Catherine Aird
The little boat gently
drifted across the pond exactly the way a
bowling ball wouldn't.--Russell
In the great state of Utah, it is unlawful to fish while on a horse.
lead astray as if blind; to persuade by deceptive arts or flattery; to
entice; to wheedle.
AWOD: Airport-n-where you go to waste time waiting that you're going
to save flying.
heroes will help you find good in yourself.”--
Randy Travis, Heroes And Friends
November 5, 2003
- Nature is programmed
for success.—Joseph Chilton Pearce
being able to govern events, I govern myself.--Michel de Montaigne
- It's not the minutes
spent at the table that makes one fat...it's the seconds.
- We are
not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.--General Douglas
- I do not
object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking. But I do
strongly object when they start shaking them to make sure they are still
- Here's a
good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody: First
take out the garbage. Then go around and collect any extra garbage that
people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too. Pretty
soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.--from Deep Thoughts,
by Jack Handey
- WOD: Invective-n-Insulting
or abusive language.
place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in
business. - Shelley Berman
- LYRIC: “We're dug
in the deep the price is steep. The auctioneer is such a creep.
The lights went out, the oil ran dry We blamed it on the other guy.”—REM:
Mechanics is the paradise of the mathematical sciences, because by means of
it one comes to the fruits of mathematics.—Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519)
If you won't write it and sign it, don't say it.--Earl Wilson
type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.—Mitch Hedberg
Anytime four New Yorkers
get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken
place. - Johnny Carson
Nowadays, people can be divided into three classes - the Haves, the
Have-Nots, and the Have-Not-Paid-for-What-They-Haves.-Earl Wilson, newspaper
Sign Under Clock in a College Classroom: Time will pass, will you?
WOD: Amity-n- Friendship; friendly relations, especially between
AWOD: Brain-n-an apparatus with which we think we think. --Ambrose
“It’s better to burn out than to fade away.”—Neil Young: My, My, Hey,
November 11, 2003
- We are
all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is
whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling
is that it is not crazy enough. - Niels Bohr
courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being
unacceptable.-- Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly
which way it's coming.—Mitch Hedberg
try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.--
computer doesn’t have bugs, it just develops random features.
people are so indecisive that their favorite color is plaid.
History-n- a fable agreed upon. - Napoleon Bonaparte
“I am beyond
your peripheral vision, So you might want to turn your head”—Ani
November 13, 2003
2-in-1 is a bogus term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2
was created.—Mitch Hedberg
The first duty of love is to listen.
--Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
When I finished school, I took one of those career aptitude tests, and based
on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. --Tim Cavanagh
have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something.
Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number
of stupid words spoken in earnest. -- Sam Levenson (1911 – 1980)
Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. -- Lily Tomlin
dishonest, or unscrupulous behavior or activity.
AWOD: Dictionary-n-Spell Binder
form of refuge has it's price.”
- The Eagles, Lyin' Eyes
think...I think it's in my basement. Let me go upstairs and
You can't make a fact out of an opinion by raising your voice.—A. Non
In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice,
there is.—Chuck Reid
Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
If you don’t pay your exorcist, you’ll get repossessed.
He certainly looks older than he did last year.—Mark Cox, BBC TV tennis.
WOD: Gravitas-n-substance; a serious or dignified demeanor.
someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it. -- Alistair
LYRIC: “It’s like
going to confession every time I hear you speak.”—The Eagles: Get Over
Logic doesn't apply to the real world.—Minsky,
Marvin Lee (1927 -)
The height of your
accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions.-- William F.
Help Conserve Gravity: Walk with a
light step and carry helium balloons if possible.
He often broke into song because
he couldn't find the key.
People need good lies. There are
too many bad ones.--Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
When I was a boy I was told that
anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.—Clarence Darrow
WOD: Chutzpah-n-utter nerve; effrontery;
AWOD: Drive-in Banking-n-a form of
banking invented so cars could go in and see their real owners.
LYRIC: “I’m so far in the red,
all I see is blue.”—Marcia Ball: Foreclose on the House of Love
Irrationality is the square root of all evil.-- Douglas Hofstadter
Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.—Anonymous
boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I'm for a stronger death penalty.—President George Bush
Drop your trousers here for best results.—Bangkok dry cleaners
Have you every wondered how much deeper the oceans would be without
WOD: Virga-n-rain that evaporates before it hits the ground.
AWOD: Majority-n-That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
LYRIC: “Just remember this,
my girl, when you look up in the sky / You can see the stars and still not
see the light.”—Eagles: Already
Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the
others.—Marcus T. Cicero
Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.—Estonian Proverb
Got no check books, got no banks. Still I'd like to express my thanks - I
got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night.—Irving Berlin
God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.—Ethel Watts
This thanksgiving, I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.—Little Timmy
Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast - the one occasion each
year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.—Michael Dresser
WOD: Surfeit-n-disgust that comes from an excessive amount of food or
AWOD: Optimist-n-A person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving
“Turkey for me,
Turkey for you. Let's eat the turkey In my big brown shoe.”—Adam Sandler: Thanksgiving song.
“6 of one, a half dozen
of the other.”
- The outcome of any
serious research can only be to make two questions grow where only one grew
before.— Thorstein Veblen (1857-1929)
- Doubt isn't
the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.--
Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
keyboard detected. Press any key to continue—Window error message
are they who can laugh at themselves for they will never cease to be amused.
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories:
those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost.
- You know
you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
- WOD: Tutelary-adj-Having
the guardianship or charge of protecting a person or a thing; guardian;
spread thin.—Paul Tillich
- LYRIC: “If we make
it through December, everything’s gonna be alright I know.”—Merle
“A parting of ways” or “Split 3 ways.”
December 5, 2003
- Mathematicians do not
study objects, but relations between objects. Thus, they are free to replace
some objects by others so long as the relations remain unchanged. Content to
them is irrelevant: they are interested in form only.—Jules Henri
- The real
measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your
money.-- Bernard Meltzer (1914-) American Law Professor
Diego: Do you know how to use that thing?
Alejandro: Of course, the pointy end goes into the other man.—The Mask of
- What the
world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
- You guys
line up alphabetically by height.—Bill Peterson, FSU coach
she is too darn ugly to kiss good-bye.—Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked
Costas why he takes his wife on all road trips
- WOD: Soporific-adj-sleep-inducing,
as in, “That lecture was uncommon. It really was so. . . . porific.”
- AWOD: Quoting-v-the
act of repeating erroneously the words of another.—Ambrose Bierce
- LYRIC: "I can't
remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as
they pass."—Counting Crows: A Long December
“On the tip of my tongue”
December 8, 2003
- The study of
mathematics cannot be replaced by any other activity that will train and
develop man's purely logical faculties to the same level of rationality.—C.O
- If I have
ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient
attention than to any other talent.-- Isaac Newton (1642-1727)
- I am not sure what
this is, but an "F" would only dignify it.—Unknown English Professor
- For centuries to come,
many years will pass.—Pat Paulsen
- Sometimes I wish I were
you, just so I could be friends with me.
- Now I know I'm not
normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me,
Pulchritudinous-adj-marked by physical beauty and appeal
- AWOD: Flying-n-the
art of throwing yourself at the ground and missing.—Douglas Adams, So
Long, and Thanks for the Fish
- LYRIC: “I don't
care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things.”—Billy
Joel: The Longest Time
me me me me
“Say a little prayer for me.”
- A proof tells us where
to concentrate our doubts.—Morris Kline
- People who are always
looking over their shoulder, will most likely run into something.—Charles
- Can't talk, must
- Dehydrated H2O: just
- If you act crazy all
your life, they'll never be able to commit you.—Rosemary
- All I want is a kind
word, a warm bed and unlimited power.
- WOD: Sine qua non-n-an
indispensable thing; an absolute prerequisite
- AWOD: Old-n-When
the candles cost more than the cake.
- LYRIC: “Mental
Health is overrated.”—Bare Naked Ladies: This is where it ends
“Reduce to tears.”
Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable
for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state.—Plato
(ca 429-347 BC)
Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible
objections must first
be overcome.—Samuel Johnson
I dislike arguments of any kind. They are
always vulgar, and often convincing.”—Oscar Wilde
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle
'em with bull.
It may be Winter outside, but it's always Summer
in your armpit.—Tommy Gorman
Dyslexics of the world, untie!
Alluring by vulgar or flashy display
AWOD: Life-n-A whim of several billion
cells to be you for a while.
LYRIC: “I was me, but now he is gone.”—Metallica:
Fade to Black
“say it with flowers”
A work of morality, politics, criticism will be
more elegant, other things being equal, if it is shaped by the hand of
geometry.— Bernard Le Bovier Fontenelle, (1657-1757)
There are two cardinal sins from which all the
others spring: impatience and laziness.—Franz Kafka (1883-1924)
Now when I bore people at a party, they think
it’s their fault.—Henry Kissinger at the height of his fame.
A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of
Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed
Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him
Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in
operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts.
AWOD: Christmas-n-a race to see which
gives out first - your money or your feet.
- LYRIC: “I bear more
grudges than lowly high-court judges.”—Morrissey: The More You Ignore
- A good notation has a
subtlety and suggestiveness which at times make it almost seem like a live
teacher.—Bertrand Russell, (1872-1970)
- To perceive Christmas
through its wrapping becomes more difficult with every year.—Elwyn Brooks
- There's nothing sadder
in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.—Erma
- The best of all gifts
around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in
each other.—Burton Hillis
- The magi, as you know,
were wise men - wonderfuly wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the
manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.—O. Henry
- The perfect gift for
the man who has everything: a calendar to remind him when payments are due.
WOD: Beneficence-n-the act of doing good;
active goodness, kindness, or charity.
- AWOD: Christmas-n-a
period extending until January 6th and beginning earlier and
earlier every year.
- LYRIC: “So this is
Christmas, and what have you done? Another year over. A new one just
begun.”—John Lennon: War is Over
January 6, 2004
New Year's Day is every man's
The object of a new year is not that we should
have a new year. It is that we should have a new soul.—G.K. Chesterton
It was at a really lame New Year’s Eve party.
The host decided to start the countdown at 10,000.—David Letterman
An optimist stays up until midnight to see the
new year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.—Bill
Good resolutions are simply checks
that men draw on a bank where they have no account.—Oscar Wilde
My two New Year’s resolutions:
1. To refrain from saying witty,
unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.
2. To tolerate fools more gladly,
provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.
WOD: Neoteric-adj-recent in origin;
AWOD: New Year's resolution-n-something
that goes in one year and out the other.
LYRIC: “Nothing changes on New Year’s Day.”—U2
“Know by heart”
January 8, 2004
- Gravity cannot be held
responsible for people falling in love.—Einstein
towards others is always also cruelty towards ourselves. —Paul Tillich
- A home
is ruled by the sickest person in it.—Nitzberg’s Observation
been on a diet for two weeks, and all I’ve lost is two weeks.—Totie Fields
- Man does
not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat
Little only has to be right once.
Clamber-v-To climb with
difficulty, or on all fours; to scramble.
- AWOD: Gravity-n-that
depressing force that always gets you down.
- LYRIC: “Step up,
step up, step up the sky is open-armed. When the light is mine, I felt
gravity pull onto my eyes.”—REM: Feeling Gravity’s Pull
blue green yellow
“Somewhere over the rainbow.”
isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go
-Fred Hoyle, Astronomer, mathematician, writer (1915- )
- To give real service
you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and
that is sincerity and integrity.—Donald A. Adams
- Join in
the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy".
Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
- Does a
radioactive cat have eighteen half-lives?—Schroedinger
- You guys
pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.— Bill Peterson, FSU
Beethoven had 10 children and practiced on a spinster in the attic.—The
- WOD: Gustatory-adj-of
or pertaining to the sense of taste.
- AWOD: Adventure-n-somewhere
between entertainment and panic.
- LYRIC: “So
we open up a quarrel / Between the present and the past / We only sacrifice
the future / It's the bitterness that lasts”—Mike and the Mechanics: Living Years
“Buy and large.”
January 14, 2004
- Calculus required
continuity, and continuity was supposed to require the infinitely little;
but nobody could discover what the infinitely little might be.—Bertrand
- Enjoyment is not a
goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity.—Paul
- If modern civilized man
had to kill the animals he ate, the number of vegetarians would rise
astronomically.—Christian Morganstern: Philosopher
treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.—Torrin Polk, U of H, on his
coach, John Jenkins
studied the lyrics note by note.—Gary Barlow (Take That)
That's the most unheard of thing I ever heard of.—Senator Joseph McCarthy
- WOD: Morass-n-something
that hinders, engulfs, or overwhelms; -or- soggy land
honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.—Sir Henry Wotton
“I love you oh so well, like a kid loves candy and
fresh snow.”—Dave Matthews: Oh
“Pride goes before a fall.”
- Children today are
tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize
- Do good by stealth, and
blush to find it fame.—Alexander Pope (1688-1744) English Poet
got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow [squat].—Mitch Heberg
- All racists who are
prepared to die for their country, please do that now.
- Sects, sects, sects...
Is that all you monks think about?
- He who stand on toilet
seat is high on pot.—Confucius
- WOD: Tergiversation-n-the
act of practicing evasion or of being deliberately ambiguous. –or- the act
of abandoning a party or cause.
Trying-v-the first step towards failure.—Homer Simpson
"Could I have been anyone other
than me?"—Dave Matthews: Dancing
All the troubles of man come from his not knowing how to sit still.—Blaise
- The road to happiness
lies in two simple principles: find what it is that interests you and that
you can do well, and when you find it, put your whole soul into it -- every
bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have.—John D. Rockefeller
Woman who cooks carrots and
peas in same pot very unsanitary.—Confucius
Flee at once, all is
- If most people said
what's on their minds, they'd be speechless.—Alfred E. Neuman
Those who say that words
can never hurt them, never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
WOD: Penury-n-extreme poverty; destitution
AWOD: Honest Person-n-Someone
you could play checkers with over the phone.
sanity takes vacation time on me.”—Savage Garden: The Best Thing
U N I V E R S E
“Move up in the world”
...the source of all
great mathematics is the special case, the concrete example. It is frequent
in mathematics that every instance of a concept of seemingly great
generality is in essence the same as a small and concrete special case.—Paul
We make a living by what we
get, but we make a life by what we give.—Norman MacFinan
am a believer in punctuality, though it makes me very lonely.—E.V. Lucas
When we lose, I eat. When we win, I eat. I also eat when we are rained
out.—Former Dodger Manager, Tommy Lasorda
English Professor: “In the English language, a double negative implies a
positive, but know where does a double positive imply a negative.” Student:
Everybody repeat after me . . ."We are all individuals."
Ersatz-adj-being an inferior imitation or substitute; artificial
Aftermath-n-the period of time following a calculus exam.
“The tick-tock of the clock is painful, all sane and logical. I want to
tear it off the wall.”—Eve 6
“Take it from the top.”
January 26, 2004
- For God's sake, please
give it up. Fear it no less than the sensual passion, because it, too, may
take up all your time and deprive you of your health, peace of mind and
happiness in life.—Wolfgang Bolyai [To son János:]
- There are no shortcuts
to any place worth going.-- Beverly Sills, American Opera Singer
- Praise undeserved is
satire in disguise.—Henry Broadhurst
- It is not an optical
illusion, it just looks like one.—Phil White
- New York City: No
matter how many times I visit this great city, I'm always struck by the same
thing: a yellow taxi cab.—Scott Adams
- He asked
me if I knew what time it was. I said, "Yes, but not right now.”
- WOD: Peripatetic-adj-
Of or pertaining to walking about or traveling from place to place;
- AWOD: Bankruptcy-n-a
legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give
your coat to the creditors.—Joey Adams.
- LYRIC: “Just
remember in the winter/Far beneath the bitter snow/Lies the seed that with
the sun's love/In the spring becomes the rose.”—Conway Twitty: The Rose
YOU CONT OL R
“You are out of
Whenever someone asks me
what two plus two equals, I just shake my head and laugh at them for asking
such a dumb question, even though I really don't know the answer. What
gullible fools.—Will Gillespie
I am always doing things
I can't do, that's how I get to do them.—Pablo Picasso
I must confess, I was
born at a very early age.
A cement mixer collided
with a prison van on the Kingston Pass. Motorists are asked to be on the
lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.—Ronnie Corbett
I can write better than
anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can
write better.—A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)
Lord Birkenhead is very
clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head—Margot Asquith
of being broken; brittle; fragile; easily broken.
controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
LYRIC: “I know someday
you'll have a beautiful life/I know you'll be a star, in somebody else's
sky/But why, why, why can't it be mine?”—Pearl
“Where there’s smoke,
- You have to run as
fast as you can just to stay where you are. If you want to get anywhere,
you'll have to run much faster.—Lewis Carroll
- Men have become the
tools of their tools.—Henry David Thoreau
- Bert: “Ernie, you have
a banana in your ear.” Ernie: “What was that, Bert? I’m sorry. I couldn’t
hear you. I had a banana in my ear.
- I loathe people who
keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people
- My watch is three
hours fast, and I can't fix it. So I'm going to move to New York.
- One of the major
functions of skin is to keep people who look at you from throwing up.—Actual
- WOD: Abeyance-n-Suspension;
- AWOD: Cannibal-n-a
person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.—Morey Amsterdam
- LYRIC: “The words of
the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls.”—Simon
and Garfunkel: Sound of Silence
“More harm than good.”
- In my experience most
mathematicians are intellectually lazy and especially dislike reading
experimental papers. He (René Thom) seemed to have very strong biological
intuitions but unfortunately of negative sign.—Francis Harry Compton Crick
- Americans always try
to do the right thing—after they've tried everything else.—Winston Churchill
- Any small object when
dropped will hide under a larger object.
- Four years ago... No,
it was yesterday. Today I... No, that wasn't me. Sometimes I... No, I
- What is the difference
between apathy and ignorance? I don't know and I don't care.
- There come's a time in
the affairs of a man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the
situation.—W. C. Fields
- WOD: Slaver-v-
To slobber; to drool.
- AWOD: Kleptomaniac-n-a
person who helps himself because he can't help himself
- LYRIC: “Women seem
wicked/when you're unwanted/Faces look ugly/When you’re alone.”—Jim
Morrison: People are strange
“Green With Envy.”
February 5, 2004
- [Mathematics] is an
independent world created out of pure intelligence.—William Wordsworth
- Don't be
irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
- ... I was walking home
one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little
weirdo... in Morse code...
- Stealing a rhinoceros
should not be attempted lightly.
- If everything is going
well, you don't know what the hell is Going on.
- Excellent, there's
nothing quite like a blunt object to reinforce proper administration
- WOD: Timorous-adj-
Full of apprehensiveness; timid; fearful.
- AWOD: Ambition-n-a
poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
- LYRIC: “When you
get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.”—Leanne Womack:
I Hope You Dance
- The human mind has
first to construct forms, independently, before we can find them in
- Never do today what
you can do tomorrow. Something may occur to make you regret your premature
- If it wasn't for the
last minute, nothing would get done.
- You can go anywhere
you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
- It's not hard to meet
expenses; they're everywhere.
- We pretend to work
because they pretend to pay us.
- WOD: Obstreperous-adj-noisily
and stubbornly defiant
- AWOD: Intellectual
Snob-n-someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think
of The Lone Ranger.—Dan Rather
- LYRIC: “You get
what you put in, and people get what they deserve.”—Kid Rock: Only God
Computers are composed of nothing more than
logic gates stretched out to the horizon in a vast numerical irrigation
In the realm of human destiny, the depth of
man's questioning is more important than his answers.—Andre Malraux
My wife always keeps a bowl of wax fruit around,
even though neither of us knows any mannequins.—Steven Wright
Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds,
there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.—Sam
The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's
meeting due to unforeseen circumstances.
For your convenience our staff is fluent in
WOD: Asperity-n-roughness of surface,
sound, or manner.
AWOD: Morality-n-the attitude we adopt
towards people whom we dislike.
LYRIC: “Thoughts meander like a restless wind
inside a letter box, They tumble blindly as they make their way across the
universe.”—The Beatles: Across the
proofs, like diamonds, are hard and clear, and will be touched with nothing
but strict reasoning.—John Locke
- At the end of the day,
all money gets you is a better place to watch television.—Dana Carvey
- In the beginning there
was nothing... which exploded.—The shortened Big Bang theory
- I know how to spell
banana, I just don't know when to stop.
- From there to here,
from here to there, funny things are everywhere.—Dr. Seuss
- On the Internet, no
one knows you're a dog.
- WOD: Sycophant-n-one
who seeks favor by flattery; a toady.
- AWOD: Golf-n-An
ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with
implements ill-adapted to the purpose
LYRIC: "Long you live, High you
fly, Smiles you give, And tears you cry, All you touch, And all you see,
It's all your life will ever be"—Pink
YOU JUST ME
“Just between you and
- Don't worry about
people stealing your ideas. If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram
them down people's throats.—Howard Aiken
- Adding manpower to a
late project is like getting nine women pregnant in hopes of obtaining a
baby in one month.
- To be or not to be
that is the *fzbt*.—Typing monkey #1988423774638247853487
- There's nothing sadder
than watching a mosquito try to suck on a mummy.—Jack Handey
- I've got a fever, and
the only prescription is more cowbell!—SNL
- ... You can at least
teach a dingo to fetch. The problem is, it can take years to teach it the
difference between a baby and a stick.—Kerry Cue
- WOD: Largesse-n-the
liberal and generous bestowing of gifts in a lofty or condescending manner.
- AWOD: Bulletin-n-a
brochure of parish information read only during the homily.
"Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there
with open arms and open eyes."—Incubus:
February 20, 2004
There are many questions which fools can ask
that wise men cannot answer.—George Polyá (1887, 1985)
Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be
sure that there is one less scoundrel in the world.—Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881)
Starve the ego, feed the mind.
I have a map of the United States... Actual
size. It says, "Scale: 1 mile =1 mile." I spent last summer folding
Life is not all lovely thorns and singing
vultures, you know.—Morticia, The Addams Family
Today’s episode of Big Bird meets Salvador Dali
has been brought to you by the numbers L and ), and by the letter 3.
Ascerbic-adj-Sharp or biting, as in
character or expression
AWOD: Hero-n-the shortest-lived
profession on earth.—Will Rogers
"Everything ends up okay, if it
isn't okay then it isn't the end"—Dave
“United we stand.
Divided we fall.”
- There are two ways of
exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling
up.—Booker T. Washington
- Why is it that our
memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and
yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same
- The Schizophrenic: an
- If I were a landlord
and owned apartments at the bottom of the ocean, I would be sure
the tenants' leases stipulated that they could not sue me for
water damage or shark bites.—Gene Burrell
- In the beginning there
were three... and then the three became nine... and then the nine got
hungry and then there were four...—Gerard Phillips
- I'm not saying my
wife's a bad cook exactly but we have a complete set of soup knives.
silly, flighty, or scatterbrained person, especially a pert young woman with
- AWOD: Old-n-when
you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a
"The future is no place to place your better
days."—Dave Matthews Band: Cry
“Look on the bright
March 1, 2004
Life is a school of probability.—Walter
Do not be too timid and squeamish about your
actions. All life is an experiment.—Ralph Waldo Emerson
CONSERVE GRAVITY: Give up skiing
and skydiving for more horizontal sports like curling.
For every action there is an equal
and opposite government program.
All power corrupts, but we need
I talk too much. I had to join a
self-help group called ON-AND-ON ANON . . .
of sorrow or melancholy.
square root of all evil.—Douglas Hofstadter
LYRIC: “Don’t wait to live
life, ‘cause it won’t wait for you.”—George Strait: Go On
“Turn the other cheek.”
March 3, 2004
Flappity, floppity, flip
The mouse on the Mobius strip;
The strip revolved,
The mouse dissolved
In a chronodimensional skip.
- Each of us is great
insofar as we perceive and act on the infinite possibilities which lie
undiscovered and unrecognized about us.—James Harvey Robinson
- If I had
any humility I would be perfect.-- Ted Turner
music is better than it sounds.—Mark Twain
was a robbery at the police station. Someone stole all of the toilet seats.
The cops don't have a thing to go on!
- I am returning this
otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all
over it and put your name at the top.—English Professor, Ohio University
- WOD: Opprobrium-n-
Disgrace, infamy; reproach mingled with contempt.
Democracy-n-the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people
are right more than half of the time.—E. B. White
- LYRIC: “I love my
lady, she’s long and lean. You mess with her, you’ll see a man getting
mean.”—SRV: Pride and Joy
“Feeling under the
March 16, 2004
- Man is
the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that
can be mass produced with unskilled labor.—Wernher von Braun
- The world of
achievement has always belonged to the optimist.—J. Harold Wilkins
- I love criticism, just
so long as it’s unqualified praise—Sir Noel Coward, (1899-1973)
- Afterwards, the
universe will explode for your pleasure.—Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at
the End of the Universe
- The way to tell a
field hand from an office hand is as follows: An office hand will use the
restroom, then wash hands; A field hand will wash hands then use the
- Unite against
Hector-v- To intimidate or harass
in a blustering way; to bully.
Mosquito-n-the state bird of New Jersey.—Andy Warhol
- LYRIC: “I
got a lot to say, I got a lot to say, I got a lot to say. I can't remember
now, I can't remember now, I can't remember now.”—Ramones: Got Alot To
P e e P
“Look both ways.”
In the pure mathematics we contemplate absolute
truths which existed in the divine mind before the morning stars sang together,
and which will continue to exist there when the last of their radiant host shall
have fallen from heaven.—Edward Everett (1794-1865)
Enthusiasm is the best protection in any
situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get
Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
If it weren't for physics and law enforcement,
I'd be unstoppable.
Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is
- From now on Honey,
we'll be spelling everything with letters.—Homer Simpson
WOD: Miasma-n-a harmful, polluting, or
AWOD: Cynic-n-a person
searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.—Edgar A. Shoaff
LYRIC: “I know there’s a better place than
this place I’m living. And I just got to have some faith, and just keep on
giving.”—Los Lonely Boys: Heaven
“Head in the sand.”
March 22, 2004
- It is the perennial
youthfulness of mathematics itself which marks it off with a disconcerting
immortality from the other sciences.—Eric Temple Bell (1883-1960)
- The important thing is
this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could
become.—Charles Du Bos
- Some days even my
lucky rocketship underpants won't help.—Calvin and Hobbes
- A man hit my fender the
other day and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But not in those
- Having a smoking
section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a
- When all else fails,
make fun of Donny Osmond.—Jon Stewart
- WOD: Lambast-v-
To give a thrashing to; to beat severely.
To scold sharply; to attack verbally; to berate
Good news-n-life's way of keeping you off balance.:
- LYRIC: “I was so
much older then, I'm younger than that now.”—Bob Dylan: My Back Pages
“Wish upon a star.”
April 7, 2004
- Mathematicians boast
of their exacting achievements, but in reality they are absorbed in mental
acrobatics and contribute nothing to society.—Sorai Ogyu (1666 - 1729)
- There is work that is
work and there is play that is play; there is play that is work and work
that is play. And in only one of these lie happiness.—Gelett Burgess
- The most beautiful
flower in the world will kill you if you snort the pedals up your nose.—Wayne
- They say Washington DC
is filled with beautiful, intelligent young women looking for husbands. Hey,
I'm a husband!
- There are two kinds of
people in this world, and I am one of them.—Dave
- Never use while
sleeping.—Instruction on Conair hair dryer
- WOD: Doughty-adj-marked
by fearless resolution; brave; valiant
Economics-n-an extremely useful form of employment for economists.—John
- LYRIC: “I
understand about indecision, but I don't care if I get behind. People living
in competition, all I want is to have my peace of mind.”—Boston: Peace
To your care and
recommendation am I indebted for having replaced a half-blind mathematician
with a mathematician with both eyes, which will especially please the
anatomical members of my Academy.—Frederick the Great (1712-1786)
For attractive lips, speak
words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim
figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run
his or her fingers through it once a day. For poise, walk with the
knowledge that you'll never walk alone.—Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993)
I wear the pants in my
house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear.
Knowledge pursues me, but
I am faster.—Vienna
Nothing spoils the taste
of peanut butter like unrequited love.—Charlie Brown
Free puppies: 1/2 cocker
spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.—Classified Ad
reciprocated or returned in kind
AWOD: Indecision-n-the key to flexibility.
you smile at me I will understand, cause that is something everybody
everywhere does in the same language.”—Crosby,
Stills, and Nash: Wooden Ships
Mathematics, as much as music or any other art,
is one of the means by which we rise to a complete self-consciousness. The
significance of mathematics resides precisely in the fact that it is an art; by
informing us of the nature of our own minds it informs us of much that depends
on our minds.—John William Navin Sullivan (1886-1937)
Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look
back and realize they were the big things.—Robert Brault
Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets
Me fail English? That's unpossible!—Ralph
Wiggums, The Simpsons
We are searching for rational reasons for
believing in the absurd.
Do you want to know how to keep someone in
act in a subservient manner; to yield or acquiesce.
seems to me, sorry seems to be the hardest word.”—Elton
He who can properly
define and divide is to be considered a god.—Plato (ca 429-347 BC)
Excellence is an art won by
training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or
excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are
what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a
There are two choices in
life: Stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.
Work harder: People on
welfare depend on you.—Bumper Sticker
Sometimes I dream that a
big, giant squirrel is carrying me away. Does that make me a nut?
Real eyes realize real
violation of an oath or vow; faithlessness; treachery
law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.—Ambrose Bierce
been a hard day's night.”—The
Beatles: A Hard Day's Night
When introduced at the
wrong time or place, good logic may be the worst enemy of good
teaching.—George Polyá (1887, 1985)
Our defense is like the
Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer.—Shaquile O'Neal.
People who are fond of
laws and sausages should not look too closely at how they are made.—Otto Von Bismark
I argue very well. Ask
any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any
opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a
sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.—Dave
LIBRARY PARKING ONLY:
violators will be held in low esteem.—Local
library parking sign
I like to play blackjack.
I'm not addicted to gambling; I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.—Mitch Hedberg
WOD: Pettifogger-n-an unscrupulous lawyer; shyster –or- a person who
quibbles over trivia.
nutritious lunchtime dessert which children trade for cupcakes.
when you can, cry when you have to, be who you must, that's a part of the
plan. Await your arrival with simple survival, and one day we'll all
Fogelberg: Part Of The Plan
“Go on horseback.”
If a lunatic scribbles a
jumble of mathematical symbols it does not follow that the writing means
anything merely because to the inexpert eye it is indistinguishable from
higher mathematics.—Eric Temple Bell (1883-1960)
All you need is ignorance
and confidence and the success is sure.—Mark
The great thing about being
a pessimist is that you are either always right, or pleasantly disproven.
Harassing me about my
smoking may be hazardous to your health!
One day, we will look back
on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
When it comes to
procrastinating, I do it right away.
WOD: Bombastic-adj-marked by grand eloquence; pompous speech or
who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.—Ambrose
Science is built up with facts, as a house is
with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of
stones is a house.—Jules Henri Poincaré (1854-1912)
FREE air guitar with every issue bought.—Total
They misunderestimated me.—George "Dubya" Bush
I NEVER apologize Lisa! I'm sorry, that's just
not the way I am.—Homer Simpson
I am looking forward to regretting this.—Bumper
out again after a temporary abatement, like an epidemic.
AWOD: Archive-n-Where Noah
stored the bees.
May 3, 2004
worthy of the name has experienced ... the state of lucid exaltation in
which one thought succeeds another as if miraculously... this feeling may
last for hours at a time, even for days. Once you have experienced it, you
are eager to repeat it but unable to do it at will, unless perhaps by dogged
work...Andre Weil (1906 -?)
The virtues of being
punctual are largely offset by having to wait for people who aren't.
99% of lawyers give the
rest a bad name.
I was standing in the
park, wondering why Frisbees got bigger as they came closer... then it hit
What you think is a white
horse in the park could be a zebra synchronized with the railings.
I don’t usually get
compliments, so I was surprised when the phone company rang me up to say
that I had an outstanding account.
social polish; tactless; awkward; clumsy.
who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
“An eye for an eye, and
a tooth for a tooth.”