2003-2004 school year

August 19, 2003

August 21, 2003

All human knowledge thus begins with intuitions, proceeds thence to concepts, and ends with ideas.--Kant, Emmanual (1724 - 1804)

Man is like steel.  Them second he loses his temper, he loses his worth.—Chuck Norris

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Confucius says
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Everybody repeat after me . . ."We are all individuals."

WOD:  Bucolic - adj- Relating to or typical of the countryside or its people; rustic.

AWOD:  Bed and Breakfast-n-Two things kids will never make for themselves

LYRIC: "Won't you believe it / It's just my luck / No recess / You're in high school again"--Nirvana: Bleach

August 25, 2003

·         Music is the pleasure the human soul experiences from counting, without being aware that it is counting.--Leibniz

·         Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.

·         It's a know fact: Cross-eyed teachers can't control their pupils.

·         Life is like a dog sled team: If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.--Lewis Grizzard

·         The man who claims to be the boss in his own home will lie about other things as well.--Amish Proverb

·         There once was a lady from Kew /  Whose limericks end at line two.

·         WOD: Vainglory-n-excessive pride; arrogance; hubris

·         AWOD: Loan-n-money you can get from the bank if you can first prove that you don't need it.

·         LYRIC: "You don't know how it feels to be me."--Tom Petty

August 27, 2003

       Son:  "Dad, I don't know, and I don't care."

August 29, 2003

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence.--Howard W. Eves

The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.-- Joseph Joubert 

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.--Rodney Dangerfield.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.--Steven Wright.

The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep.—Clinton aide George Stephanopolous.

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.—JP Getty.

WOD: Equipoise-n-the state of being equally balanced, as in moral, social, or political interests.

AWOD: Originality-n-the art of concealing your sources.--Einstein

LYRIC: "An honest man's pillow is his peace of mind." - John Cougar Mellencamp: Minutes To Memories

September 3, 2003

I believe that mathematical reality lies outside us, that our function is to discover or observe it, and that the theorems which we prove, and which we describe grandiloquently as our "creations," are simply the notes of our observations.--Hardy, Godfrey H. (1877 - 1947)

Originality and the feeling of one's own dignity are achieved only
through work and struggle.-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821-1881) Russian Novelist

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.-- Hubert Humphrey.

The play was a great success - but the audience was a disaster.--Oscar Wilde

Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tyres, especially while the bike is moving. Our lawyers made us put these warnings in. --Australian motorcycle manual

Don't judge a book by its movie.

WOD: Pestilence-n-A pernicious, evil influence or agent.

AWOD: Baroque - [Econ.] when you are out of Monet

LYRIC: "I guess we've come full circle, we are strangers once again."--Robert Earl Keen: Love's A Word

September 5, 2003

A precision professor had the habit of saying " . . . a quartic polynomial ax^4+bx^3+cx^2+dx+e, where e need not be the base of the natural logarithms."--J.E. Littlewood

The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Get yourself vaccinated; seafloors are spreading.

I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.  There's one called "brightness," but it doesn't work.

WOD: Infinitesimal-n-a very, very, small, little-bitty quantity.

AWOD: Experience-n-that marvelous thing that allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.--F.P.Jones

LYRIC: "Might as well share, might as well smile.  Life goes on for a little-bitty while."--Alan Jackson

September 9, 2003

Although I am not stupid, the mathematical side of my brain is like dumb notes upon a damaged piano.--Margot Asquith

Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.
-- Mary Lou Cook

After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat.

Get thee down. Be thou funky.

The reward for a job well done is more work.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

WOD: Metier-\MET-yay\-n-An occupation; a profession.

AWOD:  Buffet - French word that means "get up and get it yourself"

LYRIC:  "Freedom, well, that's just some people talking. Your prison is walking through this world all alone." - The Eagles, Desperado

September 11, 2003

In earlier times, they had no statistics, and so they had to fall back on lies.--Stephen Leacock

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.--A. Lincoln

We have them right where they want us.--Capt. J.T. Kirk

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical questions?

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

WOD:  Taciturn-adj- Habitually silent; not inclined to talk; reticent

AWOD: Maybe-n-No

LYRIC: "Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug."--Dire Straits

September 15, 2003

Mark all mathematical heads which be wholly and only bent on these sciences, how solitary they be themselves, how unfit to live with others, how unapt to serve the world.--Ascham, Roger (1515-1568)

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self confidence.--Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)

Q:  What's brown and sticky?  A:  a stick.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Indiana State Motto: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, Just leave me the heck alone.

WOD:  Harbinger-n-a foreshadower; a forbearer of things to come

AWOD:  Broadband-n-The Dixie Chicks

LYRIC:  "I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down, and the flames got higher."--Johnny Cash

September 17, 2003

Universities hire professors the way some men choose wives - they want the ones the others will admire.--Kline, Morris

In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill.-- Sir Winston Churchill 

We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Forget about World Peace..... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal

Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

WOD:  Brackish-adj-somewhat salty; distasteful; unpalatable.

AWOD:  Bulldozer-n-a person who sleeps through campaign speech.

LYRIC: "If you want it, come and get it, for crying out loud."--David Gray: Babylon

September 19, 2003

...from the same principles, I now demonstrate the frame of the System of the World.--Newton, Isaac (1642-1727)

He can do more for others who has done most with himself.-- S.D. Gordon

Always drink upstream from the herd.--Cowboy Logic

Today on Wall Street, Escalators continued their slow decline while pencils lost a few points.  Diapers remained unchanged.

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Animal testing is futile.  They always get nervous and give the wrong answers.

WOD:  Inveigh-v-to protest strongly or attack with harsh and bitter language

AWOD:  Censorship-n- * *** *** ********* ****

LYRIC:  "Every time I thought I'd got it made, It seems the taste was not so sweet."--David Bowie: Changes

September 23, 2003

Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.--Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)

That's war: trading men for real-estate.--Sands of Iwa Jima: Pfc Al Thomas to Pfc Charlie Bass

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.-- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.-­ Woody Allen

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.-- Oscar Wilde

I've said it once, I'll say it again: "I don't like to repeat myself!"

WOD:  Transmogrify-v- To change into a different shape or to transform, often with bizarre or humorous effect.

AWOD:  Conductor-n- musician who is adept at following many people at the same time

LYRIC:  "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, life goes on."-- The Beatles

September 25, 2003

A linguist would be shocked to learn that if a set is not closed this does not mean that it is open, or again that "E is dense in E" does not mean the same thing as "E is dense in itself."--Littlewood, J. E. (1885 -1977)

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.--Joseph Chilton Pearce

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.--Spike Milligan.

The secret of good teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned the previous afternoon.

I called the 'Psychic Friends Network' the other day...they said they saw a really big phone bill in my future!"

REWARD: Lost - $50 ... if found, just keep it!

WOD:  Equipollent-n-equal if force or significance; tantamount.

AWOD:  Money-n-the poor man's credit card.--Marshall McLuhan.

LYRIC:  "Even though the whole world has forgotten, the song remembers when."--Trisha Yearwood

October 6, 2003

The essential fact is that all the pictures which science now draws of nature, and which alone seem capable of according with observational facts, are mathematical pictures. --Jeans, Sir James

We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.—Lincoln on Character

I don't read books, but I have friends who do. -George W. Bush

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. -Robert Frost

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says afterward is the beginning of a new argument.

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.

WOD:  Caveat-n-a warning or caution

AWOD:  Bureaucracy-n-the art of making the possible impossible. -Javier Pascual Salcedo

LYRIC: “Fool you once, you are forgiven. Fool you twice, you're just a fool.”-- Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Better To Dream Of You

October 8, 2003

[During a lecture:]This has been done elegantly by Minkowski; but chalk is cheaper than grey matter, and we will do it as it comes. --Einstein, Albert (1879-1955)

You can fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time.—Lincoln on Deceit

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time...and that should be enough to get you through.—Anon

Einstein discovered that time and space are interchangeable when he showed up three miles late for a meeting.

Have you ever wondered why poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese?

The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.--Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

WOD:  Hobbledehoy-n-an awkward, gawky young fellow.AWOD: Boundary-n- In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.--Ambrose Bierce

Lyric:  “It was a night, ooh what a night it was, it really was such a night.”—Conway Twitty

October 10, 2003

October 16, 2003

No human investigation can be called real science if it cannot be demonstrated mathematically.-- Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)

Conversation is an exercise of the mind; gossip is an exercise of the tongue.

We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles.--- Wesley Bolin, Arizona Governor

You can't just let nature run wild.--- Wally Hickel, former Alaska governor

The Packers never lost a game, we just occasionally ran out of time.—Vince Lombardi

Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
Defendant: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think." -- Testimony from court records

WOD: Acquiesce-v-To accept or consent passively or without objection -- usually used with 'in' or 'to'.

AWOD: Mississippi-n- Mr. Hippie’s wife

Lyric: “It’s not having what you want, It’s wanting what you’ve got.”—Sheryl Crow: Soak up the Sun

October 20, 2003

Nature to him was an open book, whose letters he could read without effort. Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [About Newton]

I attribute my success to this--I never gave or took any excuse. (Florence Nightingale)

Leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.—Rome Laundry

If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy?

Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

WOD: Confustication-n-Confusion with frustration, from Tolkien’s Hobbit

AWOD: Classic-n-In Literature:  Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read-- Mark Twain

LYRIC:  We are the people our parents warned us about."-Jimmy Buffett

October 22, 2003

October 24, 2003

Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.—William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

As long as people will accept (garbage) crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.--Dick Cavett

Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.

All I ask is for the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

October 28, 2003

·         A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.—Zig Ziglar

October 30, 2003

·         I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.—A. Non

·         Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.--Richard Harris Barham

·         Q: How do you stop a Frankenstein biting his nails?

A: Give him screws

·         Did you hear that Dracula had to take medicine to cure his coffin?

·         WOD:  Doppelganger-n-A spiritual or ghostly double or counterpart

·         AWOD:  Frankenstein –nouns-a hot dog and a mug of beer

November 3, 2003

November 5, 2003

November 7, 2003

November 11, 2003

November 13, 2003

November 17, 2003

November 19, 2003

Logic doesn't apply to the real world.—Minsky, Marvin Lee (1927 -)

Help Conserve Gravity: Walk with a light step and carry helium balloons if possible.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

People need good lies. There are too many bad ones.--Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.—Clarence Darrow

WOD: Chutzpah-n-utter nerve; effrontery; audacity

AWOD: Drive-in Banking-n-a form of banking invented so cars could go in and see their real owners.

LYRIC:  “I’m so far in the red, all I see is blue.”—Marcia Ball: Foreclose on the House of Love

November 21, 2003

November 25, 2003

One      Other

One      Other

One      Other

One      Other

One      Other

One      Other

“6 of one, a half dozen of the other.”

December 2, 2003

 WA  Y


   W  HEY

 “A parting of ways” or “Split 3 ways.”

December 5, 2003

“On the tip of my tongue”

December 8, 2003

“a” prayer me me me me

“Say a little prayer for me.”

December 10, 2003


“Reduce to tears.”

December 12, 2003

Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state.—Plato (ca 429-347 BC)

Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first
be overcome.—Samuel Johnson

I dislike arguments of any kind.  They are always vulgar, and often convincing.”—Oscar Wilde

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bull.

It may be Winter outside, but it's always Summer in your armpit.—Tommy Gorman

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

WOD: Meretricious-adj- Alluring by vulgar or flashy display

AWOD: Life-n-A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

LYRIC: “I was me, but now he is gone.”—Metallica: Fade to Black



“say it with flowers”

December 16, 2003

A work of morality, politics, criticism will be more elegant, other things being equal, if it is shaped by the hand of geometry.— Bernard Le Bovier Fontenelle, (1657-1757)

There are two cardinal sins from which all the others spring: impatience and laziness.—Franz Kafka (1883-1924)

Now when I bore people at a party, they think it’s their fault.—Henry Kissinger at the height of his fame.

A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing.—A. Non

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him

Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts.

WOD: Jollification-n-Merrymaking; festivity; revelry.

AWOD: Christmas-n-a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.








“64 thousand dollar question”

December 18, 2003

WOD: Beneficence-n-the act of doing good; active goodness, kindness, or charity.

January 6, 2004

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.—Charles Lamb

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year.  It is that we should have a new soul.—G.K. Chesterton

It was at a really lame New Year’s Eve party.  The host decided to start the countdown at 10,000.—David Letterman

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.  A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.—Bill Vaughan

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.—Oscar Wilde

My two New Year’s resolutions:

1. To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

2. To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

WOD: Neoteric-adj-recent in origin; modern; new

AWOD: New Year's resolution-n-something that goes in one year and out the other. 

LYRIC: “Nothing changes on New Year’s Day.”—U2


“Know by heart”

January 8, 2004

some wear

violet indigo

blue green yellow

orange red

“Somewhere over the rainbow.”

January 12, 2004


“Buy and large.”

January 14, 2004








“Pride goes before a fall.”

January 16, 2004





January 20, 2004


    U N I V E R S E



“Move up in the world”


January 22, 2004


“Take it from the top.”


January 26, 2004



“You are out of control.”

January 28, 2004

SMOKE          FIRE

SMOKE          FIRE

SMOKE          FIRE

SMOKE          FIRE

“Where there’s smoke, there’s fire.”

January 30, 2004


HARM          good

HARM          good


“More harm than good.”

February 3, 2004


“Green With Envy.”

February 5, 2004

   J    F


             Y   ANGER


“Mixed Emotions.”

February 9, 2004


“Big Tease.”

February 11, 2004

Computers are composed of nothing more than logic gates stretched out to the horizon in a vast numerical irrigation system.—Stan Augarten

In the realm of human destiny, the depth of man's questioning is more important than his answers.—Andre Malraux

My wife always keeps a bowl of wax fruit around, even though neither of us knows any mannequins.—Steven Wright

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.—Sam Levenson (1911-1980)

The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's meeting due to unforeseen circumstances.

For your convenience our staff is fluent in monosyllabic grunts.

WOD: Asperity-n-roughness of surface, sound, or manner.

AWOD: Morality-n-the attitude we adopt towards people whom we dislike.

LYRIC: “Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box, They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.”—The Beatles: Across the Universe



“Man Overboard.”

February 13, 2004


“Just between you and me.”

February 18, 2004









“Tomorrow’s another day.”

February 20, 2004

There are many questions which fools can ask that wise men cannot answer.—George Polyá (1887, 1985)

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure that there is one less scoundrel in the world.—Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish Writer

Starve the ego, feed the mind.

I have a map of the United States...  Actual size.  It says, "Scale:  1 mile =1 mile."  I spent last summer folding it.—Steven Wright

Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know.—Morticia, The Addams Family

Today’s episode of Big Bird meets Salvador Dali has been brought to you by the numbers L and ), and by the letter 3.

WOD: Ascerbic-adj-Sharp or biting, as in character or expression

AWOD:  Hero-n-the shortest-lived profession on earth.—Will Rogers

LYRIC: "Everything ends up okay, if it isn't okay then it isn't the end"—Dave Matthews Band



“United we stand.  Divided we fall.”


February 25, 2004









“Look on the bright side.”

March 1, 2004

Life is a school of probability.Walter Bagehot

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

CONSERVE GRAVITY: Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports like curling.

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

All power corrupts, but we need electricity.

I talk too much. I had to join a self-help group called ON-AND-ON ANON . . .

WOD:  Plaintive-adj-expressive of sorrow or melancholy.

AWOD: Irrationality-n-the square root of all evil.—Douglas Hofstadter

LYRIC: “Don’t wait to live life, ‘cause it won’t wait for you.”—George Strait: Go On


“Turn the other cheek.”

March 3, 2004




“Feeling under the weather.”

March 16, 2004

P e e P

“Look both ways.”

March 18, 2004

In the pure mathematics we contemplate absolute truths which existed in the divine mind before the morning stars sang together, and which will continue to exist there when the last of their radiant host shall have fallen from heaven.—Edward Everett (1794-1865)

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others.—David Seabury

Politicians prefer unarmed peasants

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.—Voltaire

WOD:  Miasma-n-a harmful, polluting, or bad influence

AWOD:  Cynic-n-a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.—Edgar A. Shoaff

LYRIC:  “I know there’s a better place than this place I’m living.  And I just got to have some faith, and just keep on giving.”—Los Lonely Boys: Heaven


“Head in the sand.”

March 22, 2004



“Wish upon a star.”

April 7, 2004

L       I       M       O

“Stretch Limo.”

April 13, 2004


“Big Bad Wolf.”

April 15, 2004

Mathematics, as much as music or any other art, is one of the means by which we rise to a complete self-consciousness. The significance of mathematics resides precisely in the fact that it is an art; by informing us of the nature of our own minds it informs us of much that depends on our minds.—John William Navin Sullivan (1886-1937)

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.—Robert Brault

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.—Bumper Sticker

Me fail English? That's unpossible!—Ralph Wiggums, The Simpsons

We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd.

Do you want to know how to keep someone in suspense?

WOD:  Truckle-v-to act in a subservient manner; to yield or acquiesce.

AWOD:  Efficiency-n-intelligent laziness

LYRIC:  It seems to me, sorry seems to be the hardest word.”—Elton John






“Inside out.”

April 19, 2004




“Bob up and down.”

April 21, 2004



“Go on horseback.”

April 23, 2004


“No U-Turn.”

April 21, 2004

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house.—Jules Henri Poincaré (1854-1912)


FREE air guitar with every issue bought.—Total Guitar Magazine

They misunderestimated me.—George "Dubya" Bush

I NEVER apologize Lisa! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am.—Homer Simpson

I am looking forward to regretting this.—Bumper Sticker

WOD:  Recrudescent-adj-breaking out again after a temporary abatement, like an epidemic.

AWOD:  Archive-n-Where Noah stored the bees.




“Lap Dog.”

May 3, 2004


i4i  K94K9

“An eye for an eye, and a tooth for a tooth.”