2004-2005 school year
August 17, 2004
· Mathematics is the tool specially suited for dealing with abstract concepts of any kind and there is no limit to its power in this field.—Paul Adrien Maurice Dirac
· If you would not be laughed at, be the first to laugh at yourself.—Benjamin Franklin
· Don’t you just hate rhetorical questions?
· New for people who like peace and quiet: a phoneless chord.
· Assassins!—Arturo Toscanini (1867-1957) to his orchestra
· Bumper Sticker: Honk if you love peace and quiet.
· WOD: Pervicacious-adj-Refusing to change one's ideas, behavior, etc.; stubborn; obstinate.
· AWOD: Admiration-n-the discovery of another’s resemblance to ourselves
· LYRIC: “It’s like deja-vu all over again.”—John Fogerty
“back to school”
August 19, 2004
Adversity has the effect of eliciting talents which, in prosperous circumstances, would have lain dormant.—Horace (65-8 BC) Roman Poet
In symbols one observes an advantage in discovery, which is greatest when they express the exact nature of a thing briefly and, as it were, picture it; then indeed the labor of thought is wonderfully diminished.—Gottfried Whilhem Leibniz
I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.
I don't believe in reincarnation now, nor did I when I was a hamster.—Shane Ritchie
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that I don't know the answer.—Douglas Adams
When I was a boy, my mother wore a mood ring. When she was in a good mood it turned blue. In a bad mood, it left a big red mark on my forehead.—Jeff Shaw
WOD: Vagary-n-an extravagant, erratic, or unpredictable notion, action, or occurrence.
AWOD: Marriage-n-a 3 ring circus; the engagement ring, the wedding ring, and the suffering.
LYRIC: “You would think with all the genius and the brilliance of these times, we might find a higher purpose and a better use of mind.”—Jackson Browne: Say It Isn't True
“Second Time Around”
August 23, 2004
· The latest authors, like the most ancient, strove to subordinate the phenomena of nature to the laws of mathematics.—Isaac Newton (1642-1727)
· Against the assault of laughter, nothing can stand.—Mark Twain
· The difference between golf and government is that in golf you can't improve your lie.—George Deukmejian
· What a wonderful night for an evening.—Anon
· A single fact can ruin a good argument.
· Doesn’t expecting the unexpected make the unexpected the expected?
· WOD: Castigate-v-To criticize severely.
· AWOD: Childhood-n-the period in life when nightmares only occur during sleep.
· LYRIC: “It’s the moment of truth, it’s all on the line. This is the place. This is the time.”—Survivor
August 25, 2004
· The description of right lines and circles, upon which geometry is founded, belongs to mechanics. Geometry does not teach us to draw these lines, but requires them to be drawn.—Isaac Newton
· He who laughs, lasts.—Mary Poole
· A good pun is its own reword.
· Beware of dragons, for we are crunchy and good with ketchup.
· Blessed are the censors, for they shall inhibit the earth.
· Don’t hate your self in the morning: sleep until noon.
· WOD: Fungible-adj-interchangable
· AWOD: Circular Definition-n-see Definition, Circular
· LYRIC: “Darkness [is] imprisoning me. All that I see [is] absolute horror. I cannot live. I cannot die. [I’m] Trapped in myself. [My] body [is] my holding cell.”—Metallica: One
August 27, 2004
· I have had my results for a long time: but I do not yet know how I am to arrive at them.—Karl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855)
· I wept because I had no shoes, until I saw a man who had no feet.—Persian saying, Ancient
· Don’t use a big word where a diminutive one would suffice.
· Due to circumstances beyond our control, we regret to inform you that circumstances are beyond our control.
· Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with Battery.
· hAS ANYONE SEEN MY cAPSLOCK KEY?
· WOD: Methuselah-n-an extremely old man, biblical
· AWOD: Consciousness-n-that annoying time between naps.
· LYRIC: “I’m your only friend, I’m not your only friend, but I’m a little glowing friend, but really I’m not actually a friend, but I am!”—They Might Be Giants: Birdhouse in Your Soul
“famous last words”
August 31, 2004
· The testament of science is so continually in a flux that the heresy of yesterday is the gospel of today and the fundamentalism of tomorrow.—Kasner, E. and Newman, J. R.
· For every action, there is an equal and opposite criticism.
· I don’t get even. I get odder.
· Bumper Sticker: I may be slow, but I’m ahead of you!
· I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.—Steven Wright
· It’s been lovely, but I have to scream now.
· WOD: Flaneur-n- One who strolls about aimlessly; a lounger; a loafer
· AWOD: Democracy-n-three wolves and a sheep voting on what to have for lunch.
· LYRIC: “Here in Subcity, life is hard. We can’t receive any government relief, [so] please give the president my honest regards for disregarding me.” Tracy Chapman: Subcity
September 2, 2004
· Bridges would not be safer if only people who knew the proper definition of a real number were allowed to design them.—Mermin, N. David (1935 -)
· We need a renaissance of wonder. We need to renew, in our hearts and in our souls, the deathless dream, the eternal poetry, the perennial sense that life is miracle and magic.—E. Merrill Root
· The one good thing about “standards” is that there are so many to choose from.
· Me a skeptic? I hope you have proof.
· Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
· Joe’s Repair Shop: We repair what your husband fixed.
· WOD: Dolorous-adj-Marked by, causing, or expressing grief or sorrow.
· AWOD: Depression-n-anger without enthusiasm.
· LYRIC: “Where am I to go, now that I've gone too far?”—Golden Earring: Twilight Zone
“fair and squre”
September 7, 2004
· The age of chivalry is gone. That of sophisters, economists and calculators has succeeded.—Burke, Edmund
· When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen.—Arland Gilbert
· Save the Whales: Collect the whole set.
· If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.
· My mind was never what it used to be.
· Please let me know if you don’t receive this message.
· WOD: foofaraw-n-egregious ostentation – or – a great fuss over a trivial matter.
· AWOD: Justice-n-a decision in your favor.
· LYRIC: “Thinking is the best way of traveling.”—The Moody Blues: The Best Way To Travel
“three blind mice”
September 9, 2004
These thoughts did not come in any verbal formulation. I rarely think in words at all. A thought comes, and I may try to express it in words afterward.—Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen.—Arland Gilbert
Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes.* (*If you can read this, you're overeducated.)
Press any key to continue or any other key to quit.
Preserve Wildlife: Pickle a squirrel today.
The generation of random numbers is too important to be left to chance.
WOD: Plenipotentiary-adj-Containing or conferring full power; invested with full power;
AWOD: Logic-n-the systematic method of coming to the wrong conclusion with confidence.
LYRIC: “It’s a beautiful day. Don’t let it slip away.”—U2: Beautiful Day
“with flying colors”
September 13, 2004
· Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state.—Plato (ca 429-347 BC)
· I long to accomplish a great and noble task, but it is my chief duty to accomplish small tasks as if they were great and noble.—Helen Keller (1880-1968) American Writer
· Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.
· There’s no future in time travel.
· The amount of energy spent laughing at a joke should be directly proportional to the hierarchical status of the joke teller.—Scott Raymond Adams
· Saving is a very nice thing, especially when your parents have done it for you.—Winston Churchill
· WOD: Tete-a-tete-n- A private conversation between two people.
· AWOD: Public Opinion-n-what people think other people are thinking.:
· LYRIC: “Optimism is my best defense.”—Rod Stewart: Baby Jane
“that’s beside the point”
September 15, 2004
· Life is an offensive, directed against the repetitious mechanism of the Universe.—Alfred North Whitehead(1861 - 1947)
· Character develops itself in the stream of life.—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
· When the fog burns off, it won't be mist.
· Rehab is for quitters.
· Too many people confine their exercise to jumping to conclusions, running off at the mouth, stretching the truth, bending over backwards, lying down on the job, side stepping responsibility, swimming against the current and pushing their luck.—Anon
· Bart! With $10,000, we'd be millionaires! We could buy all kinds of useful things like love.—Homer Simpson
· WOD: Longueur-n-A dull and tedious passage in a book, play, musical composition, or the like.
· AWOD: Multitasking-n-messing up several things at once.
· LYRIC: “All you touch and all you see, Is all your life will ever be.”—Pink Floyd: Breathe
“man in the moon”
September 17, 2004
Natural selection is a mechanism for generating an exceedingly high degree of improbability.—Ronald Aylmer Fisher(1890 - 1962)
Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition.
To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.
if at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Support your local Search & Rescue.... GET LOST
WOD: Exegesis-n-Exposition; explanation; especially, a critical explanation of a text.
AWOD: Lottery-n-a tax on people who are bad at math.
LYRIC: “If we were blind and had no choice, would we hate each other by the tone of our voice?”—Anthrax: Schism
“down in the dumps”
September 21, 2004
· Leibniz never married; he had considered it at the age of fifty; but the person he had in mind asked for time to reflect. This gave Leibniz time to reflect, too, and so he never married.—Bernard Le Bovier Fontenelle (1657-1757)
· If you ain’t makin’ waves, you ain’t kickin’ hard enough.
· To define recursion, we must first define recursion.
· Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow.
· Wanted: man to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.
· It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn’t give it up because by then I was too famous.—Robert Benchley
· WOD: Tatterdemalion-n-A person dressed in tattered or ragged clothing; a ragamuffin.
· AWOD: Politics-n-Poli (many); tics (blood-sucking parasites).
· LYRIC: “For what is a man, what has he got? If not himself, then he has naught. To say the things he truly feels, and not the words of one who kneels.”—Frank Sinatra: My Way
“forgive and forget”
September 23, 2004
Mathematicians are like lovers. Grant a mathematician the least principle, and he will draw from it a consequence which you must also grant him, and from this consequence another.—Bernard Le Bovier Fontenelle (1657-1757)
Love is the only force capable of transforming an enemy into friend.--MLK
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.—Groucho Marx
Eagles may soar but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
Early Bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
When everything is coming your way you’re in the wrong lane
WOD: Inkhorn-adj-Affectedly or ostentatiously learned; pedantic.
AWOD: Socialism-n-the equal distribution of poverty.
LYRIC: “He not busy being born is busy dying.”—Bob Dylan: It’s Alright, Ma
DONKEY’_ Y_ _RS
“long time, no see”
· Thought is only a flash between two long nights, but this flash is everything.—Jules Henri Poincaré (1854-1912)
· Politicians are the same all over. They promise to build a bridge even where there is no river.—Nikita Khrushchev
· The only substitute for bad manners is quick reflexes
· Nonconformists are all alike.
· Does "anal retentive" have a hyphen?
· Our biggest problem is that nobody wants to take responsibility for anything—but don't quote me on that.
· WOD: Confabulation-n- 1. Familiar talk; easy, unrestrained, unceremonious conversation. 2. (Psychology) A plausible but imagined memory that fills in gaps in what is remembered.
· AWOD: Televangelists-n-The Pro wrestlers of religion
· LYRIC: “Beware ! I bear more grudges Than lonely high court judges.”—Morrissey: The More You Ignore Me
“go back on your word”
September 30, 2004
· One of the principal objects of theoretical research in my department of knowledge is to find the point of view from which the subject appears in its greatest simplicity.—Josiah Willard Gibbs (1839 - 1903)
· The worst thing in this world, next to anarchy, is government.—Henry Ward Beecher
· Hug your kids at home, belt them in the car!
· Teamwork is essential—it allows you to blame someone else.
· The trouble with political jokes is that they get elected.
· A penny saved is a Congressional oversight.
· WOD: Militate –v-To have force or influence.
· AWOD: Committee-n-a group that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
LYRIC: “I've been trying to
get down to the heart of the matter but my will gets weak
and my thoughts seem to scatter but I think it's about forgiveness... forgiveness, even if you don't love me anymore.”—Don Henly: Heart of The Matter
“go to pieces.”
October 4, 2004
· Another advantage of a mathematical statement is that it is so definite that it might be definitely wrong; and if it is found to be wrong, there is a plenteous choice of amendments ready in the mathematicians' stock of formulae. Some verbal statements have not this merit; they are so vague that they could hardly be wrong, and are correspondingly useless.—Lewis Fry Richardson (1881 - 1953)
· I am not bound to win, but I am bound to be true. I am not bound to succeed, but I am bound to live by the light that I have. I must stand with anybody that stands right, stand with him while he is right, and part with him when he goes wrong.—Abraham Lincoln
· If it wasn't for muscle spasms, I wouldn't get any exercise at all.
· I’m living so far beyond my income that we may almost be said to be living apart.—Hector Munro
· Whenever I date a guy, I think, ‘Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?’—Rita Rudner
· I never forget a face, but in your case, I’ll make an exception.—Groucho
· WOD: Subversive-adj-in opposition to a civil authority or government.
· AWOD: Shin-n-a device for finding furniture in the dark.
· LYRIC: “Sincerely I must tell you Your mild ’best wishes’ They make me suspicious.”—Morrissey: I Don’t Mind If You Forget Me
M O T I O N
M O T I O N
M O T I O N
“going through the motions.”
October 6, 2004
· I am ill at these numbers.—William Shakespeare (1564-1616): Hamlet
· It is better by noble boldness to run the risk of being subject to half the evils we anticipate than to remain in cowardly listlessness for fear of what might happen.—Herodotus (485 - 425BC) Greek Historian
· Your conscience may not keep you from doing wrong, but it sure keeps you from enjoying it.
· If you don’t know where you are going, you might end up some place else.—Yogi Berra
· I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.—Fred Allen
· I don't make jokes. I just watch the government and report the facts.—Will Rogers
· WOD: Tarradiddle-n-a fib; also, pretentious nonsense.
· AWOD: Guru-n-One who knows more jargon than you.
· LYRIC: “I'm just a soul whose intentions are good, Oh Lord, please don't let me be misunderstood.”—Joe Cocker: Don't Let Me Be Misunderstood
H S F S
U M T A R U W
R O U T I N E
N E D
October 12, 2004
· It is clear that Economics, if it is to be a science at all, must be a mathematical science.—William Stanley Jevons
· Determine never to be idle. No person will have occasion to complain of the want of time who never loses any. It is wonderful how much can be done if we are always doing.—Thomas Jefferson advising his daughter Martha, 1787.
· Don’t talk about yourself so much. . . we’ll do that when you leave.
· Talking about music is like dancing about architecture.—Steve Martin
· A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kickboxing!—Dennis Leary
· Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why several of us died of tuberculosis.—Jack Handey
· WOD: Abulia-n-Loss or impairment of the ability to act or to make decisions.
· AWOD: Laughter-n-the shortest distance between two people.—Victor Borge
· LYRIC: “I am human and I need to be loved Just like everybody else does.”—The Smiths: How Soon Is Now?
“two left feet.”
October 14, 2004
· And perhaps, posterity will thank me for having shown it that the ancients did not know everything.—Pierre de Fermat (1601?-1665)
· Life leaps like a geyser for those willing to drill through the rock of inertia.—Alexis Carrel
· Nothing is wrong with Hollywood that a rise in the ocean level wouldn’t cure.—Ross MacDonald
· Is Marx’s tomb a communist plot?
· I’m going to live forever, or die trying.
· Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses.
· WOD: Acrimony-n-Bitter, harsh, or biting sharpness, as of language, disposition, or manners.
· AWOD: Resentment-n-like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die.—Carrie Fisher
· LYRIC: “In every heart there is a room. A sanctuary safe and strong. To heal the wounds from lovers past, Until a new one comes along.”—Billy Joel: And So It Goes
“out to lunch.”
October 18, 2004
There are two kinds of statistics, the kind you look up and the kind you make up.—Rex Stout, American writer
Originality and the feeling of one's own dignity are achieved only through work and struggle.—Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821-1881) Russian Novelist
The large print giveth and the small print taketh away.—Tom Waits
I ate at a nice family restaurant the other night. Every table had an argument going on.—George Carlin
Sure there have been injuries and deaths in boxing - but none of them serious.—Alan Minter, Boxer
Solutions are not the answer.—Richard Nixon, former U.S. President
WOD: Conundrum-n- A paradoxical, insoluble, or difficult problem; a dilemma
AWOD: Happiness-n-good health and a bad memory.—Ingrid Bergman
LYRIC: “Shyness is nice, and Shyness can
stop you From doing all the things in life
That you’d like to.”—The Smiths: Ask
October 20, 2004
· How could youths better learn to live than by once trying the experiment of living? Methinks this would educate their minds as much as mathematics.— Henry David Thoreau
· Many men owe the grandeur of their lives to their tremendous difficulties.—Spurgeon
· Golden, Ripe, Boneless Bananas, 39 Cents A Pound.—Ad in the "Missoulian" by Orange Street Food Farm
· Half the lies they tell about me aren’t true—Yogi Berra
· Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.—Steven Wright
· Sloths move at the speed of congressional debate but with greater deliberation and less noise.—PJ O’Rourke
· WOD: Effusive-adj-excessively demonstrative; gushing
· AWOD: Tact-n-the art of making guests feel at home when that’s really where you wish they were.—George E. Bergman
· LYRIC: “Here we are now, entertain us.”—Nirvana: Smells Like Teen Spirit
October 22, 2004
· Math is not a spectator sport, nor is it a team sport, nor is it a sport at all. That should clear things up.
· One must learn by doing the thing, for though you think you know it, you have no certainty until you try.—Aristotle
· A man may be a fool and not know it -- but not if he is married.—HL Mencken
· I can't understand why a person will take a year to write a novel when he can easily buy one for a few dollars.—Fred Allen
· I am a conscientious man, when I throw rocks at seabirds I leave no tern unstoned.—Ogden Nash
· A gene can be either dominant or recessive, depending on which type of gene it is.—Dave Berry
· WOD: Diatribe-n-a bitter, abusive denunciation.
· AWOD: Fishing-n-a sport invented by insects, and you are the bait.—PJ O’Rourke
· LYRIC: “She told me she loved me, Which means, She must be insane.”—Morrissey: How could anybody know how I feel?
October 26, 2004
· Mathematics is not yet capable of coping with the naivete of the mathematician himself.—Abraham Kaplan
· If you want to increase your success rate, double your failure rate.— Thomas Watson, Sr., founder of IBM
· Everyone's very busy, though not exactly working.—PJ O’Rourke
· What's on your mind, if you will allow the overstatement?—Fred Allen
· Commitments the voters don't know about can't hurt you.—Ogden Nash
· If a man smiles all the time, he's probably selling something that doesn't work.—George Carlin
· WOD: Rodomontade-n-Vain boasting; empty bluster; pretentious, bragging speech; rant.
· AWOD: Democracy-n-the art of running the circus from the monkey cage.—HL Mencken
· LYRIC: “If your mind is a mess, your body’s in distress, catch your sorry soul a rest the Hawana Way.”—Paul Brady: The Hawana Way.
“the customer is always right.”
October 28, 2004
· You know that I write slowly. This is chiefly because I am never satisfied until I have said as much as possible in a few words, and writing briefly takes far more time than writing at length.—Karl Friedrich Gauss (1777-1855)
· The things taught in schools and colleges are not an education, but the means of education.—Ralph Waldo Emerson
· I’m against picketing, but I don’t know how to show it.—Mitch Hedberg
· You’re only as good as your last haircut.—Fran Leibowiz
· Instead of getting married again, I'm going to find a woman I don't like and just give her a house.—Lewis Grizzard
· Electricity can be dangerous. My nephew tried to stick a penny into a plug. Whoever said a penny doesn't go far didn't see him shoot across that floor. I told him he was grounded.—Tim Allen
· WOD: Hoary-adj- Ancient; extremely old; remote in time past.
· AWOD: Judge-n-A law student who marks his own papers.—HL Mencken
· LYRIC: “Now a part of me will never be free, And the part that's free will never be me.”—The Church
“what goes up must go down.”
November 1, 2004
· All great theorems were discovered after midnight.—Adrian Mathesis
· Ignorance, when voluntary, is criminal, and a man may be properly charged with that evil which he neglected or refused to learn how to prevent.—Samuel Johnson
· Hawaii State Motto: Haka Tiki Mou Sha'ami Leeki Toru (Death To Mainland Scum, But Leave Your Money)
· Shopping tip: You can get shoes for 85 cents at the bowling alley.
· If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
· My wife keeps complaining I never listen to her...or something like that.
· WOD: ad infinitum-adv/adj- To infinity; having no end.
· AWOD: Skiing-n-the sport that combines outdoor fun with knocking down trees with your face.—Dave Berry
· LYRIC: “I got my feet on the ground and I don't go to sleep to dream."—Fiona Apple: Sleep to Dream
November 3, 2004
· A thing is obvious mathematically after you see it.—R.D. Carmichael
· I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by conscious endeavor.— Henry David Thoreau
· There's only one secret to bachelor cooking - not caring how it tastes.—PJ O’Rourke
· I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that...day.—Mitch Hedberg
· I haven't reported my missing credit card to the police because whoever stole it is spending less than my wife.—Ilie Nastase
· I think that's how Chicago got started. A bunch of people in New York said, 'Gee, I'm enjoying the crime and the poverty, but it just isn't cold enough. Let's go west.—Richard Jeni
· WOD: Deprecate-v-to disapprove of strongly
· AWOD: Misogynist-n-A man who hates women as much as women hate one another.—HL Mencken
· LYRIC: “I never liked the rain until I walked through it with you.”—Clint Black: Like the Rain
“three strikes and you’re out”
November 5, 2004
· When you have eliminated the impossible, what ever remains, however improbable must be the truth.—Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859-1930)
· Nurture your minds with great thoughts. To believe in the heroic makes heroes.— Benjamin Disraeli
· When she told me I was average, I figured she was just being mean.
· I think, therefore, we have nothing in common.
· "I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?—George Carlin
· When you have eliminated the inedible, whatever remains, however unpalatable, must be food.
· WOD: Umbrage-n- suspicion of injury or wrong; offense.
· AWOD: America-n-one nation, under God, with liberty, large fries, and a Coke® to go
· LYRIC: “Because if it’s not love Then it’s the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb, the bomb That will bring us together.”—The Smiths: Ask
November 9, 2004
· The union of the mathematician with the poet, fervor with measure, passion with correctness, this surely is the ideal.—William James (1842 - 1910)
· Mistakes are the portals of discovery.—James Joyce
· Everybody wants to save the earth; nobody wants to help Mom do the dishes.—PJ O’Rourke
· I fired my masseuse today. She just rubbed me the wrong way.
· Maryland State Motto: If You Can Dream It, We Can Tax It
· Honesty may be the best policy, but it's important to remember that apparently, by elimination, dishonesty is the second-best policy.—George Carlin
· WOD: Susurrus-n-a whisper; a murmur; a rustling.
· AWOD: Love-n-the triumph of imagination over intelligence.—HL Mencken
· LYRIC: “Like a stone I fall into your eyes, into the deep mystery.”—David Gray: Please Forgive Me
“right in the middle of things.”
November 11, 2004
· Perfect numbers, like perfect men, are very rare.—Rene Descartes
· He that reads and grows no wiser seldom suspects his own deficiency, but complains of hard words and obscure sentences, and asks why books are written which cannot be understood.—Samuel Johnson
· I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.—George Carlin
· In the beginning the Universe was created. This has made a lot of people very angry and been widely regarded as a bad move.—Douglas Adams
· You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a firefly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.—Fred Allen
· An economic forecaster is like a cross-eyed javelin thrower: they don't win many accuracy contests, but they keep the crowd's attention.—Anonymous
· WOD: Glower-v-to stare angrily or with a scowl.
· AWOD: Camping-n-nature's way of promoting the motel business.—Dave Berry
· LYRIC: “You can never get enough of what you don't really need.”—U2: Stuck in a Moment
“left out in the cold.”
November 15, 2004
· Our nature consists in movement; absolute rest is death.—Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
· Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way.—Charles B. Newcomb
· Violence is interesting. This is a great obstacle to world peace and also to more thoughtful television programming.—PJ O’Rourke
· I read somewhere that 77 percent of all the mentally ill live in poverty. Actually, I'm more intrigued by the 23 percent who are apparently doing quite well for themselves.—Jerry Garcia (Grateful Dead)
· You make the beds, you do the dishes, and six months later you have to start all over again.—Joan Rivers
· Tonight's weather, dark, continuing mostly dark tonight, leading to widely scattered areas of light in the morning.
· WOD: Effulgence-n-a flood of light; great luster or brightness; splendor.
· AWOD: Self-respect-n-The secure feeling that no one, as yet, is suspicious.—HL Mencken
· LYRIC: “Yesterday, all my troubles seemed so far away.”—The Beatles
“put a sock in it.”
November 17, 2004
· All err the more dangerously because each follows a truth. Their mistake lies not in following a falsehood but in not following another truth.—Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
· The self is not something that one finds. It is something that one creates.—Thomas Szasz (1920-) American Psychiatrist
· Nebraska State Motto: Ask About Our State Motto Contest
· I discovered I scream the same way whether I'm about to be devoured by a Great White or if a piece of seaweed touches my foot.—Axel Rose (Guns 'n Roses)
· When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.—Carrot Top
· The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.—Mitch Hedberg
· WOD: Assuage-v-to soften; to ease, or lessen.
· AWOD: Antique Shop-n-a business establishment where the sale items are very old and the prices are very modern.
· LYRIC: “When you sleep I will creep Into your thoughts Like a bad debt. That you can’t pay. Take the easy way and give in.”—Morrissey: The More You Ignore Me
November 19, 2004
· Statistics have shown that mortality increases in the military during wartime.—Alphonse Allais
· The happiest person is the person who thinks the most interesting thoughts.— Timothy Dwight
· A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.—PJ O’Rourke
· My cousin just died. He was only 19. He got stung by a bee...the natural enemy of a tightrope walker.—Dan Rather (News anchorman)
· Sometimes I think war is God's way of teaching us geography.—Paul Rodriguez
· We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like.—Jean Cocteau
· WOD: Tenebrous-adj-Dark and Gloomy
· AWOD: Jury-n-A group of 12 people, who, having lied to the judge about their health, hearing, and business engagements, have failed to fool him.—HL Mencken
· LYRIC: “Vroom vroom vroom, vroom vroom , I love NASCAR.”—Cledus T. Judd: I Love NASCAR
“feeling down and out.”
November 23, 2004
· Black holes are where God divided by zero.—Steven Wright
· The highest, most varied and lasting pleasures are those of the mind.— Arthur Schopenhauer
· Ed Sullivan will be around as long as someone else has talent.—Fred Allen
· Bo Derek turned down the role of Helen Keller because she couldn't remember the lines.—Joan Rivers
· I am two with nature.—Woody Allen
· I have lost friends, some by death, others through sheer inability to cross the street.—Virginia Woolf
· WOD: Chthonic-adj-dwelling in or under the earth; also, pertaining to the underworld
· AWOD: Appetite-n-an instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question.—Ambrose Bierce
· LYRIC: “I lean against the wind, pretend that I am weightless, and in this moment I am happy.”—Incubus: Wish You Were Here
“singing in the rain.”
November 30, 2004
· Medicine makes people ill, mathematics make them sad, and theology makes them sinful.—Martin Luther
· Accumulate learning by study, understand what you learn by questioning.— Mingjiao, Jiufeng Annals, zen
· Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go.—Oscar Wilde
· If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.—Earl Wilson
· Whatever women do they must do it twice as well as men to be thought half as good. Luckily this is not difficult.—Charlotte Whitton
· I don't know which is more discouraging, literature or chickens.—E. B. White
· WOD: Objurgate-v-express strong disapproval of.
· AWOD: Criticism-n-prejudice made plausible.—H. L. Mencken
· LYRIC: “But I’m gonna smile my best smile, and I’m gonna laugh like it’s going out of style.”—Garth Brooks: Learning to Live Again
December 2, 2004
· I wish to God these calculations had been executed by steam.—Charles Babbage (1792-1871)
· True religion is the life we lead, not the creed we profess.—Louis Nizer (1902-1994) American Lawyer
· Anyone can sympathize with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathize with a friend's success.—Oscar Wilde (1854-1900)
· Yes, about ten minutes.—Duke of Wellington - Responding to a vicar's query as to whether there was anything he would like his upcoming sermon to be about.
· Nothing is impossible for the man who doesn't have to do it himself.—A.H. Weiler
· WOD: Bandinage-n-playful raillery; banter.
· AWOD: Success-v-moving from one failure to another without loss of enthusiasm.—Winston Churchill
· LYRIC: “Come on baby, light my fire. Try to set the night on fire, yeah.”—The Doors: Light My Fire
“for crying out loud.”
December 6, 2004
· Consumers are statistics. Customers are people.—Stanley Marcus
· You must be the change you wish to see in the world.—Mohandas Gandhi
· Here's a toast to your new bride who has everything a girl could want in life, except for good taste in men.—Wedding Toast
· I love deadlines. I especially like the whooshing sound they make as they go flying by.—Douglas Adams
· If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss Bank.—Woody Allen
· If I were two-faced, would I be wearing this one?—Abraham Lincoln
· WOD: Daedal-adj-skillful; artistic; ingenious.
· AWOD: Freudian slip-v-when you say one thing but mean your mother.
· LYRIC: “We’ve got information in the information age but do we know what life is outside of our convenient Lexus cages?”—Switchfoot: Gone
“fifty yard line.”
December 8, 2004
· These thoughts did not come in any verbal formulation. I rarely think in words at all. A thought comes, and I may try to express it in words afterward.—Albert Einstein (1879-1955)
· Impartiality is a pompous name for indifference, which is an elegant name for ignorance.—G.K. Chesterton: The Speaker, 12/15/00
· I still say a church steeple with a lightning rod on top shows a lack of confidence.—Doug MacLeod
· Oh dear, I think you'll find reality's on the blink again.—Marvin The Paranoid Android
· I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.—Groucho Marx
· I love children especially when they cry, for then someone takes them away.—Nancy Mitford
· WOD: Malversation-n-misconduct in public office.
· AWOD: Bargain Hunter-n-a wife who is always saving more money than her husband can afford
· LYRIC: “The world I love, the tears I drop, to be part of , the wave can’t stop, ever wonder if it’s all for you?”—Red Hot Chili Peppers: Can’t Stop
December 10, 2004
· Mathematics was born and nurtured in a cultural environment. Without the perspective which the cultural background affords, a proper appreciation of the content and state of present-day mathematics is hardly possible.—R.L. Wilder
· There are not enough Indians in the world to defeat the Seventh Cavalry.—George Armstrong Custer
· What are the three words guaranteed to humiliate men everywhere? 'Hold my purse.'—Francois Morency
· Crime does not pay ... as well as politics.—Alfred E. Newman
· Dear 338171 (May I call you 338?)—Noel Coward - in a letter to T.E. Lawrence who had retired from public life to become Aircraftsman Brown, 338171
· I always arrive late at the office, but I make up for it by leaving early.—Charles Lamb
· WOD: Panoply-n-a splendid or impressive array.
· AWOD: Conscience-n-the inner voice which warns us that someone may be looking.—H. L. Mencken
· LYRIC: “ I live in my own mind. Ain’t nothing but a good time. No rain just the sunshine. Out her in my own mind. I live where I can breathe. Ain’t nothing but a cool breeze. Nobody that it won’t please. Out here where I can breathe.”—Lyle Lovett: In My Own Mind
“it’s in the bag”
December 14, 2004
"Alice laughed: "There's no use
trying," she said; "one can't believe impossible things."
"I daresay you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was younger, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast."—Lewis Carroll: Alice In Wonderland
· Never worry about the size of your Christmas tree. In the eyes of children, they are all 30 feet tall.—Larry Wilde, The Merry Book of Christmas
· The great majority of people will go on observing forms that cannot be explained; they will keep Christmas Day with Christmas gifts and Christmas benedictions; they will continue to do it; and some day suddenly wake up and discover why.—G.K. Chesterton: On Christmas, Generally Speaking
· Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.—Johnny Carson
· Christmas is a time when kids tell Santa what they want and adults pay for it. Deficits are when adults tell the government what they want and their kids pay for it.—Richard Lamm
· There is a remarkable breakdown of taste and intelligence at Christmastime. Mature, responsible grown men wear neckties made of holly leaves and drink alcoholic beverages with raw egg yolks and cottage cheese in them. ~P.J. O'Rourke
· WOD: Beneficence-n-the practice of doing good.
· AWOD: Christmas-n-a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.
· LYRIC: “I broke my bat on Johnny's head; Somebody snitched on me. I hid a frog in sister's bed; Somebody snitched on me. … I'm getting nuttin' for Christmas 'Cause I ain't been nuttin' but bad.”—Nuttin’ for Christmas
January 4, 2005
As easy as 3.1415926535897932384626433832795028841.
Prosperity doth best discover vice but adversity doth best discover virtue.— Francis Bacon
I saw a human pyramid once. It was very unnecessary. It did not need to exist.—Mitch Hedberg
After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat.
Get the facts first, THEN panic!
It's not an optical illusion, it just looks that way.
WOD: Distrait-adj-Divided or withdrawn in attention, especially because of anxiety.
AWOD: Politics-n-the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying the wrong remedies.—Groucho Marx
LYRIC: “Who the man, and now you cats know for real,. Get at me dog, (bark), what the deal.”—DMX: Get at me Dog
“hand me down”
January 6, 2005
· Six is a number perfect in itself, and not because God created the world in six days; rather the contrary is true. God created the world in six days because this number is perfect, and it would remain perfect, even if the work of the six days did not exist.—St. Augustine (354-430)
· We are here to add what we can to life, not to get what we can from it.—William Osler
· Money can't buy you happiness, but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. –Spike Milligan
· Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially legal tender.—Kay Ingram
· I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.—Groucho Marx
· Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.—David Frost
· WOD: Raillery-n-good-humored banter or teasing repartee.
· AWOD: Behaviorist-n-someone who pulls habits out of rats.—Anonymous
· LYRIC: “Math is a wonderful thing. Math is a really cool thing. So, get off your act, let’s do some math. Math, math, math, math, math.”—Jack Black: Math Is A Wonderful Thing
“Son of a Gun”
January 10, 2005
· I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an exact science. There are permutations and aberrations discernible to minds entirely noble like mine; subtle variations which ordinary accountants fail to discover; hidden laws of number which it requires a mind like mine to perceive. For instance, if you add a sum from the bottom up, and then from the top down, the result is always different.— Mrs. La Touche
· You can’t hold a man down without staying down with him.—Booker T. Washington
· Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.—David Frost
· Mississippi: Come And Feel Better About Your Own State
· I was a bank teller. That was a great job. I was bringing home $450,000 a week.—Joel Lindley
· I went to the 30th reunion of my preschool. I didn't want to go, because I've put on like a hundred pounds.—Wendy Liebman
· WOD: Moil-v-to labor; to toil; to drudge.
· AWOD: Failure-n-the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.—Henry Ford
· LYRIC: “And I find it kind of funny. I find it kind of sad. The dreams in which I’m dying are the best I’ve ever had.”—Gary Jules: Mad World
“run for it”
January 12, 2005
· You know we all became mathematicians for the same reason: we were lazy.—Max Rosenlicht (1949)
· There is no exercise greater for the heart than reaching down and lifting people up.—John Andrew Holmer
· My favorite animal is steak.—Fran Lebowitz
· Two guys walk into a bar. You'd think one of them would have seen it.—Daniel Lybra
· I took my parents back to the airport today. They leave tomorrow.—Margaret Smith
· If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.—Jay Leno
· WOD: Hoi Polloi-n-the common people; the masses.
· AWOD: Statistics-n-the mathematical theory of ignorance
· LYRIC: “I’ll sleep in this place with the lonely crowd: Lie in the dark where the shadow run from themselves.”—Cream: White Room
January 14, 2005
· The cowboys have a way of trussing up a steer or a pugnacious bronco which fixes the brute so that it can neither move nor think. This is the hog-tie, and it is what Euclid did to geometry.—Eric Temple Bell (1883-1960)
· To get nowhere, follow the crowd.—Anonymous
· I guess I just prefer to see the dark side of things. The glass is always half empty. And cracked. And I just cut my lip on it. And chipped a tooth. –Janeane Garofalo
· I busted a mirror and got seven years bad luck. But my lawyer thinks he can get me five.—Steven Wright
· New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most of it unsolved.—Johnny Carson
· I had a cab driver in Paris. The man smelled like a guy eating cheese while getting a permanent inside the septic tank of a slaughterhouse.—Dennis Miller
· WOD: Godspeed-n-a successful journey
· AWOD: Putsch-n-A secretly planned and suddenly executed attempt to overthrow a government.
· LYRIC: “The interstate’s jammed with gunners like me afraid of comin’ in last.”—Keith Urban: Days Go By
“drum up business”
January 18, 2005
· To be a scholar of mathematics you must be born with talent, insight, concentration, taste, luck, drive and the ability to visualize and guess.—Paul R. Halmos
· A word to the wise ain't necessary. It's the stupid ones who need the advice.—Bill Cosby
· Men are pigs. Too bad we own everything.—Tim Allen
· I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.—Elayne Boosler
· I'll tell you how to beat the gambling in Las Vegas. When you get off the airplane, walk right into the propeller.—Henny Youngman
· If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looks like.—Phyllis Diller
· WOD: Galumph-v-to move in a clumsy manner or with a heavy tread.
· AWOD: Civilization-n-a limitless multiplication of unnecessary necessities.—Mark Twain, More Maxims of Mark, Johnson, 1927
· LYRIC: “Come one come all into 1984. Three, two one. Lights, camera, transaction.”—Incubus: Talk Shows On Mute
“the price is right”
January 20, 2005
· Number theorists are like lotus-eaters -- having once tasted of this food they can never give it up.—
· Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of eighty and gradually approach eighteen.—Mark Twain, quoted in Autobiography with Letters, William L. Phelps
· When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."—Henny Youngman
· What the world needs is more geniuses with humility, there are so few of us left.—Oscar Levant
· My husband said he needed more space. So I locked him outside.—Roseanne
· We need a twelve-step group for compulsive talkers. They would call it On Anon Anon.—Paula Poundstone
· WOD: Oblation-n-an offering, especially to a deity.
· AWOD: Leadership-n-the art of getting someone else to do something you want done because he wants to do it.—Dwight D. Eisenhower
· LYRIC: “These are the days that bring you meaning, I feel the stillness of the sun and I feel fine.”—Jaime Cullum: These are the Days
harm harm harm good
“more harm than good”
January 24, 2005
Chaos Theory is a new theory invented by scientists panicked by the thought that the public were beginning to understand the old ones.—Mike Barfield
We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.—Oscar Wilde
I come from family where gravy is considered a beverage.—Erma Bombeck
The pen is mightier than the sword, and considerably easier to write with.—Marty Feldman
Dogs lead a nice life. You never see a dog with a wristwatch.—George Carlin
In the beginning there was nothing. God said, "Let there be light!" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.—Ellen DeGeneres
WOD: Slake-v-To satisfy; to quench; to extinguish; as, to slake thirst.
AWOD: Rock Journalism-n-people who can't write interviewing people who can't talk for people who can't read.—Frank Zappa
LYRIC: “Slow down everyone, You’re moving too fast. Frames can’t catch you when Your’re moving like that.”—Jack Johnson: Inaudible Melodies
“late in life”
January 26, 2005
What is algebra exactly; is it those three-cornered things?—J.M. Barrie - British novelist and dramatist
Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.—Anon
Remember that as a teenager you are in the last stage of your life when you will be happy to hear the phone is for you.—Fran Lebowitz
Man who run in front of car get tired; man who run behind car get exhausted.—Chinese Proverb
I have strong feelings about gun control. If there's a gun around, I want to be controlling it.—Clint Eastwood
I don't want parole; I'm too busy working on my web site.—Charles Manson, 3/27/97
WOD: Indurate-v/adj-to harden or firmly establish
AWOD: Advertising-n-the rattling of a stick inside a swill bucket.—George Orwell
LYRIC: “Satellite in my eyes, like a diamond in the sky, how I wonder.”—Dave Matthews Band: Satellite
BED FA ST
“bed and breakfast”
January 28, 2005
Nature is an infinite sphere of which the center is everywhere and the circumference nowhere.—Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)
If we'd only stop trying to be happy we'd have a pretty good time.—Edith Wharton
Harpists spend ninety percent of their lives tuning their harps and ten percent playing out of tune.—Igor Stravinsky
I worship the quicksand he walks in.—Art Buchwald
You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.—Al Capone
The trouble with unemployment is that the minute you wake up in the morning you're on the job.—Slappy White
WOD: Rejoinder-n-An answer to a reply; or, in general, an answer or reply.
AWOD: Narcissist-n-someone better looking than you are.—Gore Vidal
LYRIC: “A decade ago, I never thought I would be, at 23, on the verge of spontanieous combustion. Woe-is-me.”—Incubus: Pardon Me
February 1, 2005
It is here [in mathematics] that the artist has the fullest scope of his imagination.--Havelock Ellis
Always be smarter than the people that hire you.—Lena Horne
A girl phoned me the other day and said...Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home.--Rodney Dangerfield
The second day of a diet is always easier than the first. By the second day you're off it.—Jackie Gleason
Never wear a backward baseball cap to an interview unless applying for the job of umpire.—Dan Zevin
On the one hand, we'll never experience
childbirth. On the other hand, we can open all our own jars.
--Bruce Willis (On the difference between men and women)
WOD: Transmute-v-to change from one nature, form, substance, or state into another.
AWOD: Baby-n-God's opinion that life should go on.—Carl Sandburg
LYRIC: “Living is easy with eyes close, misunderstanding all you see. It’s getting hard to be someone but it all works out, it doesn’t matter much to me.”—The Beatles: Strawberry Fields Forever
BE BUSH AT
“beat around the bush”
February 3, 2005
God not only plays dice. He also sometimes throws the dice where they cannot be seen.—Stephen William Hawking (1942- )
Distrust any enterprise that requires new clothes.—Henry David Thoreau
A person who is nice to you, but rude to the waiter, is not a nice person.—Dave Barry
I'm My Own Boss. Yet, oddly, I can't stand that jerk.
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid for my carpet.—Woody Allen, Without Feathers
I've grown tolerant to pepper spray.
WOD: Pertinacious-adj-persistent, stubborn, tenacious, resolute.
AWOD: Compromise-n-An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way.—Anonymous
LYRIC: “Hey, come on try a little. Nothing is forever. There’s got to be something better than in the middle. But me & Cinderella, we put it all together, we can drive it home with one headlight.”—The Wallflowers: One Headlight
February 14, 2004
· The heart has its reasons, which reason knows not of.—Blaise Pascal
· Work like you don't need the money. Love like you've never been hurt. Dance like nobody's watching.—Satchel Paige
· I wanted to make it really special on Valentine's day, so I tied my boyfriend up. And for three solid hours I watched whatever I wanted on TV.—Tracy Smith
· A man in love is incomplete until he has married, then he is finished.—Zsa Zsa Gabor
· Send two dozen roses to Room 424 and put 'Emily, I love you' on the back of the bill.—Groucho Marx
· Do you know why God withheld the sense of humor from women? That we may love you instead of laughing at you.—Mrs. Patrick Cambell - to a man
· Better to have loved a short man than never to have loved a tall.—David Chambless
· WOD: Jejune-adj-lacking in nutritional value; also, immature; also, dull.
· AWOD: Love-n-A temporary insanity curable by marriage or by removal of the patient from the influences under which he incurred the disorder... It is sometimes fatal, but more frequently to the physician than to the patient.—Ambrose Bierce, The Devil's Dictionary, 1911
· LYRIC: “You find somebody to love in this world, you’d better hang on tooth and nail. The wolf is always at the door.”—Don Henley: New York Minute
“lie in wait”
February 16, 2004
· There is a tradition of opposition between adherents of induction and of deduction. In my view it would be just as sensible for the two ends of a worm to quarrel.—Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)
· Treat people as if they were what they ought to be and you will help them become what they are capable of becoming.—Johann Wolfgang Von Goethe
· If it weren't for the last minute, nothing would get done.—Anonymous
· Skipping school to bungee jump will get you suspended.
· The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.—Ed Bluestone
· Fun Rembrandt painted 700 pictures. Of these, 3,000 are still in existence.—Wilhelm Bode
· WOD: Obsequious-adj-Servilely attentive; compliant to excess; fawning.
· AWOD: Adolescence-n-a period of rapid changes between the ages of 12 and 17. For example, a parent ages as much as 20 years.—Anonymous
· LYRIC: “I never conquered, rarely came tomorrow holds such better days, Days when I can still feel alive, When I can’t wait to get outside. The world is wide, the time goes by, The tour is over, I’ve survived. I can’t wait till I get home to pass the time in my room alone.”—Blink 182: Adam’s Song
“sail the seven seas”
February 18, 2005
Mathematics is indeed dangerous in that it absorbs students to such a degree that it dulls their senses to everything else.—Prinz zu Hohlenlohe-Ingelfingen Kraft (1827 - 1892)
Under capitalism man exploits man; under socialism the reverse is true.—Polish proverb
I have discovered that all human evil comes from this, man's being unable to sit still in a room.—Blaise Pascal
Sometime when you least expect it, Love will tap you on the shoulder... and ask you to move out of the way because it still isn't your turn.—N.V. Plyter
I don't have any use for bodyguards, but I do have a specific use for two highly trained certified public accountants.—Elvis Presley
If we get involved in a nuclear war, would the electromagnetic pulses from exploding bombs damage my videotapes?—Readers' Q and A column in TV Guide, 1985
WOD: Supplant-v-to take the place of.
AWOD: Historians-n-the deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them.—Leo Tolstoy
LYRIC: “It’s better to burn out, than to fade away.”—Neil Young: My, My, Hey, Hey
“safety in numbers”
February 24, 2005
· The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.—Adam Walinsky
· I prefer the wicked rather than the foolish. The wicked sometimes rest.—Alexandre Dumas
· The problem that we thought was a problem was, indeed, a problem, but not the problem we thought was the problem.—Mike Smith
· I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.—August Strindberg
· The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.—Calvin Trillin
· Parenthetical remarks (however relevant) are unnecessary.—Frank L. Visco, How to Write Good
· WOD: Cormorant-n-a gluttonous or greedy person.
· AWOD: Work-n-the refuge of people who have nothing better to do.—Oscar Wilde
· LYRIC: “Where’s the fire, what’s the hurry about, you better cool it off before you burn it out.”—Billy Joel: Vienna
February 28, 2005
· Five is a sufficiently close approximation to infinity.—Robert Firth
· I was part of that strange race of people aptly described as spending their lives doing things they detest to make money they don't want to buy things they don't need to impress people they dislike.—Emile Henry Gauvreay
· In Italy for thirty years under the Borgias they had warfare, terror, murder, bloodshed - they produced Michelangelo, Leonardo da Vinci, and the Renaissance. In Switzerland they had brotherly love, five hundred years of democracy and peace, and what did they produce...? The cuckoo clock.—Orson Welles - US Film actor
· Income tax returns are the most imaginative fiction being written today.—Hemon Wouk
· You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she started walking five miles a day when she was 60. She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she is.—Ellen DeGeneres
· The difference between literature and journalism is that journalism is unreadable and literature is not read.—Oscar Wilde
· WOD: Egregious-adj-Conspicuously and outrageously bad or reprehensible.
· AWOD: Obstacles-n-those frightful things you see when you take your eyes off your goal.—Henry Ford
· LYRIC: “I’m addicted to you, don’t you know that you’re toxic?”—Brittany Spears: Toxic
sure life ants
March 2, 2005
· Someone told me that each equation I included in the book would halve the sales.—Stephen Hawking - A Brief History of Time
· If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.—Bertrand Russel
· My wife has a slight impediment in her speech. Every now and then she stops to breathe.—Jimmy Durante
· Some editors are failed writers, but so are most writers.—T. S. Eliot
· I have spent a lot of time searching through the Bible for loopholes.—W.C. Fields - during his last illness
· I'm proud to be paying taxes in the United States. The only thing is - I could be just as proud for half the money.—Arthur Godfrey
· WOD: Tremulous-adj-shaking, quivering; also, affected with fear.
· AWOD: Tomorrow-n-one of the greatest labor saving inventions of today.—Vincent T. Foss
· LYRIC: “The truth is, that you could slit my throat, but with my one last gasping breath, I’d apologize for bleeding on your shirt.”—Taking Back Sunday: Your So Last Summer
March 4, 2005
· It's easy to identify people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.—June Henderson
· All progress is based upon a universal innate desire on the part of every organism to live beyond its income.—Samuel Butler
· Always go to the bathroom when you have a chance.—King George V
· Asking a working writer what he thinks about critics is like asking a lamp-post how it feels about dogs.—Christopher Hampton
· If you found yourself in a situation where you could either save a drowning man, or you could take a Pulitzer prize winning photograph of him drowning, what shutter speed and setting would you use?—Paul Harvey
· We need a president who's fluent in at least one language.—Buck Henry
· WOD: Valetudinarian-n-a weak or sickly person.
· AWOD: America-n-one of the finest countries anyone ever stole.—Bobcat Goldthwait
· LYRIC: “The sun has gone down and the moon has come up, and long ago somebody left with the cup, but he’s driving and striving and hugging the turns, and thinking of someone for whom he still burns.”—Distance: Cake
“rough and tumble”
March 8, 2005
Life is a school of probability.—Walter Bagehot
We are not retreating - we are advancing in another Direction.—General Douglas MacArthur
I went to New Zealand but it was closed.—Anonymous
We've made great medical progress in the last generation. What used to be merely an itch is now an allergy.—Anonymous
Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three categories- those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost.— Russell Baker
We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.—Dave Barry
WOD: Florid-adj-excessively decorated or embellished; ornate; elaborate.
AWOD: Mother-in-law-n-A woman who destroys her son-in-law's peace of mind by giving him a piece of hers.
LYRIC: “All my life I’ve been searching for somethin’. Somethin’ never comes, never leads to nuthin’. Nothin’ satisfies, but I’m getting close. Closer to the prize at the end of the rope.”—Foo Fighters: All My Life
“difference of opinion”
March 10, 2005
· I am one of the unpraised, unrewarded millions without whom Statistics would be a bankrupt science. It is we who are born, who marry, who die, in constant ratios.—Logan Pearsall Smith - US Writer
· Like so many Americans, she was trying to construct a life that made sense from things she found in gift shops.—Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.
· Canada Post doesn't really charge 32 cents for a stamp. It's 2 cents for postage and 30 cents for storage.—Gerald Regan, Cabinet Minister, 12/31/83 Financial Post
· Disbelief in magic can force a poor soul into believing in government and business.—Tom Robbins
· Two mother's-in-law.—Lord John Russell - when asked what he would consider a proper punishment for bigamy
· However, never daunted, I will cope with adversity in my traditional manner ... sulking and nausea.—Tom K. Ryan
· WOD: Panjandrum-n-An important personage or pretentious official.
· AWOD: Child Prodigy-n-one with highly imaginative parents.—Unknown
· LYRIC: “Propel, propel, propel your craft softly down liquid solution. Ecstatically, ecstatically, estatically, ecstatically, Existence is simply illusion.”—Fred Rogers, parody of Row, row, row your boat on his television show, Mister Rogers' Neighborhood.
B fa E st D
“breakfast in bed”
March 14, 2005
· A bad random number generator: 1, 1, 1, 1, 1, 4.33e+67, 1, 1, 1, . . .
· Do not falter or shrink; But just think out your work, And just work out your think.—Nixon Waterman
· Growing up, I was the kid next door’s imaginary friend.—Emo Phillips
· Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
· Failure is not an option. It comes bundled with your Microsoft product. -- Ferenc Mantfeld
· Every cloud has a silver lining (except for the mushroom shaped ones, which have a lining of Iridium & Strontium 90)
· WOD: Nimiety-n-The state of being too much; excess.
· AWOD: Bore-n-a man who deprives you of solitude without providing you with company.—Gian Vincenzo Gravina,
· LYRIC: “If dreams are like movies, then memories are films about ghosts.”—Counting Crows: Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby
“more than meets the eye”
March 16, 2005
· There are 10 types of people in this world, those who understand binary, and those who have friends.
· Tough times never last. Tough people do.—Robert Schuller
· When in trouble or in doubt, run in circles, scream and shout.
· I lost twenty pounds. Unfortunately, I was in England at the time.
· When was the last time you did something new for the first time?
· A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.
· WOD: Lachrymose-adj-given to causing tears.
· AWOD: Advice-n-what we ask for when we already know the answer but wish we didn't.—Erica Jong
· LYRIC: “She don’t know that when I hold her, she’s really holdin’ me.”—Andy Griggs: She Thinks She Needs Me
Go Go Go Go Au
“go for gold”
March 30, 2005
· An eigenvalue is a unique scalar which when it multiplies an eigenvector, produces a resultant vector equivalent to the operator of the eigen-equation applied to the same eigenvector. But you already knew that.—Ron Resnick
· A celibate clergy is an especially good idea, because it tends to suppress any hereditary propensity toward fanaticism.—Carl Sagan
· A Zen buddhist walks into a pizza place and says, “Make me one with everything!”—Dave Sweeney
· A cat will almost always blink when hit with a sledgehammer.
· A gleekzorp without a tornpee is like a quop without a fertsneet.
· A healthy male adult bore consumes each year one-and-a-half times his own weight in other people's patience.—John Updike
· WOD: Temporize-v-To be indecisive or evasive in order to gain time or delay action.
· AWOD: Supercomputer-n-a machine that runs an infinite loop in finite time.
· LYRIC: “When everybody loves you, that’s just about as funky as you can be.”—Counting Crows: Mr. Jones
“all in good time”
April 1, 2005
· 2-in-1 is a bogus term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.—Mitch Hedberg
· I haven't slept for ten days, because that would be too long.—Mitch Hedberg
· ...and then at the end of the letter I like to write "P.S. - this is what part of the alphabet would look like if Q and R were eliminated.—Mitch Hedberg
· ...Every time I go and shave I assume there is somebody else on the planet shaving as well, so I say "I'm gonna go shave too"—Mitch Hedberg
· I'm against picketing, but I don't know how to show it.—Mitch Hedberg
· I love blackjack. But I'm not addicted to gambling. I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.—Mitch Hedberg
· I used to be a hot-tar roofer. Yeah, I remember that...day.—Mitch Hedberg
· WOD: April 1-n-the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.—Mark Twain, Pudd'nhead Wilson, 1894
· AWOD: Waffle-n-A pancake with a syrup trap.—Mitch Hedberg
· LYRIC: “Lookin’ good but sure don’t feel right, Anything to be cool. Won’t you be my fashion victim. I’m an April fool.”—Soul Asylum: April Fool
“what’s in it for me”
April 5, 2005
· Bridges would be safer if only people who knew the proper definition of a real number were allowed to design them.—David N. Mermin (1935 -)
· A hen is only an egg's way of making another egg.—Samuel Butler
· A month of experiments can save a couple of hours in the library.
· A proctologist with a psychology degree specializes in odds and ends.
· A simile is like a metaphor.
· A truck carrying copies of Roget's Thesaurus overturned on the highway. The local newspaper reported that the onlookers were “stunned, overwhelmed, astonished, bewildered, and dumbfounded.”
· WOD: Complement-n-something that fills up or completes.
· AWOD: True gentleman-n-one who can play the bagpipes. . . . . . . . . . .and doesn't.
· LYRIC: “And the three men I admire most—the Father, Son, and the Holy Ghost; they caught the last train to the coast.. the day the music died.”—Don McLean: American Pie
abode nectarous domicile
“home sweet home”
April 7, 2005
· We are servants rather than masters in mathematics.—Charles Hermite(1822-1901)
· A timid person is frightened before a danger, a coward during the time, and a courageous person afterwards.—Jean Paul Richter
· A woman met a man walking along the street wearing only one shoe. “Just lost a shoe?” she asked. He answered, “Nope, just found one.”
· ACRONYM - A Capitalized Representation Of Names You Memorize.
· Absolute zero is cool.
· Accomplishing the impossible means only that the boss will add it to your regular duties.
· WOD: Shibboleth-n-a word, pronunciation, saying, belief, practice, etc., that distinguishes one group from another.
· AWOD: University Faculty-n-500 egotists with a common parking problem.
· LYRIC: “Funny how we always pick these spots. Feeling like I have in a land of have-nots, wishing that I had some tater tots.”—Third Eye Blind: Can’t Get Away
bread bread bread bread bread bread bread
bread bread bread bread bread bread
April 11, 2005
· Logic, like whiskey, loses its beneficial effect when taken in too large quantities.—Lord Dunsany
· Freedom is for honest people. No man who is not himself honest can be free – he is his own trap.—L. Ron Hubbard
· A lack of planning on your part doesn't constitute an emergency on my part.
· A light year has 1/3 the calories of a regular year.
· A limerick crams laughs astronomical into space truly economical. But the funniest I've seen are not often clean, and the clean ones so seldom are comical.
· A little government and a little luck are necessary in life, but only a fool trusts either of them.—P.J. O'Rourke
· WOD: Cloy-n-to weary or become distasteful through excess.
· AWOD: Loafer-n-a person who is trying to make both weekends meet.
· LYRIC: “Two lost souls swimmin’ in a fish bowl.”—Pink Floyd: Wish You Were Here
I arm sheath
“trick up your sleeve”
April 13, 2005
· The ludicrous state of solid geometry made me pass over this branch. Republic, VII, 528.—Plato (ca 429-347 BC)
· A universal human stupidity is the belief that our neighbor's success is the cause of our failure.—Charles V. Roman
· Actions lie louder than words.—Carolyn Wells
· Adverbs are fading from the English language slow, but sure.
· All syllogisms have three parts, therefore this is not a syllogism.
· Always avoid and eschew pleonastic redundancy.
· WOD: Pleonasm-n-The use of more words than are required to express an idea; redundancy.
· AWOD: Anlogism-n-a word that isn't a word. Ex) anlogism is an anlogism.
· LYRIC: “If I could make a livin’ outta lovin’ you, I’d be a millionaire in a week or two.”—Clay Walker: Make a Livn’
You’re b Cap
“bee in your bonnet”
April 15, 2005
· Mathematics was born and nurtured in a cultural environment. Without the perspective which the cultural background affords, a proper appreciation of the content and state of present-day mathematics is hardly possible.—R.L. Wilder
· Adopt the pace of nature: her secret is patience.—Ralph Waldo Emerson
· An effective way to deal with predators is to taste terrible.
· An unemployed court jester is no one's fool.
· And in the refrigerator 100 meter finals, the cabbage is ahead. I don't think the tomato will be able to ketchup.
· Another day, another 68 cents after taxes.
· WOD: Extant-adj-Still existing; not destroyed, lost, or extinct.
· AWOD: Election Year-n-when a lot of politicians get free speech mixed up with cheap talk.
· LYRIC: “Standing in line to see the show tonight and there’s a light on, heavy glow. By the way, I tried to say I’d be there waiting for . . .”—Red Hot Chili Peppers: By the Way
N I A R G
“against the grain”
April 25, 2005
· God exists since mathematics is consistent, and the Devil exists since we cannot prove it.—Andre Weil (1906-????)
· First they ignore you, then they laugh at you, then they fight you, then you win.—Gandhi
· Free advice costs nothing until you act upon it.
· For some reason, this sentence seems to remind everyone of Mr. Korpi.
· Exaggeration is a billion times worse than understatement.
· He who had had 'had had' had had the correct answer.
· WOD: Scintilla-n-A tiny or scarcely detectable amount; the slightest particle; a trace; a spark.
· AWOD: Haiku-n-Twice five syllables, Plus seven can't say much but, That's Haiku for you.—David Neiman
· LYRIC: “Can we try to take the high road through we don’t know where it ends?”—Third Eye Blind: Crystal Baller
“blessing in disguise”
April 27, 2005
· The mathematician, carried along on his flood of symbols, dealing apparently with purely formal truths, may still reach results of endless importance for our description of the physical universe.—Karl Pearson
· Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.—Ralph Waldo Emerson
· And there he was, reigning supreme at number two.
· Be careful when playing under an anvil tree.
· Books on claustrophobia? They're in that little room over there, sir.
· Anyone interested in improving himself should not rule out becoming pure energy.
· WOD: Obloquy-n-Strongly condemnatory or abusive language or utterance. OR the condition of ill-repute.
· AWOD: AWOD: Antisesquipedalian-adj-Opposed to the use of large words.
· LYRIC: “It’s something unpredictable, but in the end is right, I hope you had the time of your life.”—Green Day: Time of Your Life
“bad hair day”
April 29, 2005
· Perhaps the greatest paradox of all is that there are paradoxes in mathematics.—Kasner, E. and Newman, J.
· Optimism is essential to achievement and it is also the foundation of courage and true progress.—Nicholas Murray Butler
· I went to the bank the other day to check my balance, and I fell off the roof.
· I went to see my doctor because I had a piece of cereal stuck in my ear. He told me I wasn't eating right.
· I was just daydreaming about my inability to fantasize.
· I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place. -- Steven Wright
· WOD: Inexorable-adj- Not capable of being persuaded by entreaty; relentless
· AWOD: Hofstadter's Law-n-It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take Hofstadter's Law into account.
· LYRIC: “I promised myself that I’d never let me down.”—Brian McKnight: Win
“close but no cigar”
May 3, 2005
· In one word he told me the secret of success in mathematics: plagiarize only be sure always to call it please research.—Thomas Andrew Lehrer (1928- )
· Mediocrity can talk: but it is for genius to observe.—Benjamin Disraeli
· Give me a place to stand and I will move the world.—Archimedes. Give me a place to sit, and I'll watch.—friend of Archimedes
· Good thing we have a free press or we might have had to wait for a court to convict him.—Jim Mullen
· Guy walks into a restaurant. Orders eggs. The waitress asks How would you like those eggs cooked? The guy says Hey, that would be great.
· He knew a lot about railroads, but it had taken a lot of training.
· WOD: Supplicate-v- To ask for humbly or earnestly, as by praying.
· AWOD: Freedom-n-being able to do what you want without considering anyone but the police, boss, insurance company, state, federal, and city authorities, and the neighbors.
· LYRIC: “Happy happy, joy joy, happy happy joy joy!”—Ren & Stimpy
WA L NG
“crying your eyes out”
May 5, 2005
· Solutions are obvious if one only has the optical power to observe them over the horizon.—K.A. Arsdall
· They are ill discoverers that think there is no land, when they can see nothing but sea.—Francis Bacon
· Often, when I am reading a good book, I stop and thank my teacher. That is, I used to, until she got an unlisted number.
· Nothing was happening when all of a sudden, still nothing was happening.—Douglas Adams
· No one feels as helpless as the owner of a sick goldfish.
· Management's biggest problem is all the unemployed people on the payroll.
· WOD: Lugubrious-adj- Mournful, dismal, or gloomy, especially to an exaggerated or ludicrous degree.
· AWOD: Middle Age-n-when It takes longer to rest than to get tired.
· LYRIC: “ It’s so hard to say goodbye to yesterday.”—Boys II Men: Hard to Say Goodbye
May 9, 2005
· IQ of the group = lowest IQ of a group member / # people in the group
· Life is a tragedy for those who feel, and a comedy for those who think. -- Jean de La Bruyhre
· KRQR, home of the million dollar guarantee. You give us a million dollars, we'll play any song you want. Guaranteed.
· Let us live!!! Let us love!!! Let us share the deepest secrets of our souls!!! You first.
· I'm sorry, you have the wrong number. This is 91...2. -- Chief Wiggins, The Simpsons
· He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
· WOD: Unctuous-adj-greasy, oily; smug and falsely earnest
· AWOD: Library-n-An organized collection of obsolete material.,
· LYRIC: “and these days I wish I was 6 again. Oh meake me a red cape. I wanna be Superman.”—John Mayer: 83
chow chow chow
“dog eat dog”
May 11, 2005
· The sum of the square roots of any two sides of an isosceles triangle is equal to the square root of the remaining side.—Scarecrow, Wizard of Oz (find the error)
· Unless you try to do something beyond what you have already mastered, you will never grow.—Ronald E. Osborn
· Shoes are required to eat in the cafeteria, socks can eat wherever they want.
· Most projects start out slowly -- and then sort of taper off.
· It's not easy to juggle a pregnant wife and a troubled child, but somehow I managed to fit in eight hours of TV a day.—Homer Simpson
· There are people so addicted to exaggeration that they can't tell the truth without lying.
· WOD: Double-entendre-n- An expression or term liable to more than one interpretation, especially when the second meaning is risqué..
· AWOD: Maturity-n-knowing when and where to be immature.
· LYRIC: “Here I go again on my own. Going down the only road I’ve ever known. Like a drifter I was born to walk alone.”—Whitesnake: Here I Go Again
May 17, 2005
· ... the student skit contained a plaintive line: "Give us Master's exams that our faculty can pass, or give s a faculty that can pass our Master's exams."—Paul R. Halmos
· The supreme happiness of life is the conviction that we are loved; loved for ourselves, or rather, loved in spite of ourselves.—Victor Hugo
· The problem with tolerance is that you have to tolerate the intolerant as well.—G.M. Weilacher
· The murals in restaurants are on a par with the food in museums.—Peter De Vries
· Most of the time it was probably real bad being stuck down in a dungeon. But some days, when there was a bad storm outside, you'd look out your little window and think, “Boy, I'm glad I'm not out in that.”—Jack Handey
· If Virginia wears Georgia's New Jersey, what will Delaware? Idaho, but Alaska.
· WOD: Ablution-n-The act of washing or cleansing; specifically, the washing of the body, or some part of it (as in a religious rite).
· AWOD: Ignorance-n-a voluntary misfortune.
· LYRIC: “Immobilized by the thought of you. Paralyzed by the sight of you. Hypnotized by the words you say. Not true but I believe anyway.”—Maroon 5: Shiver