· Our teaching does not make full use of that historic event, which is probably the most important event in the history of science, namely, the invention of the decimal system of numeration.—Henri Lebesgue

· Confidence on the outside begins by living with integrity on the inside.—Brian Tracy

· Personifiers of the world, unite! You have nothing to lose but Mr. Dignity!—Bernadette Bosky

· The art of fishing is sitting still for a long time until you don't catch anything.

· I like the English, they have the most rigid code of immorality in the world.—Malcolm Bradbury

· LYRIC: “So you can stick your little pins in that voodoo doll, I’m very sorry, baby, doesnt look like me at all.”—Leonard Cohen: Tower of Song

B

B e n e be s

A B an an

“spill the beans”

· Nowhere in the sciences does one find a wide a gap as that between the written version of a mathematical result and the discourse that is required to understand the same result.

· Money is like manure: if you spread it around, it does a world of good; but if you pile it up, it stinks to high heaven.

· Let him that is without stone among you cast the first thing he can lay his hands on.—Robert Frost

· In Montana, a policeman will pull you over because he’s lonely.—Rich Hall

· Nothing is more cozy and restful than a warm, crackling fire in the living room, but only if you have a fireplace.

· LYRIC: “Which one of you is into me? Which one of me is into you?”—Korn: Bith, We have a Problem

S

Tributary

“sell down the river”

· Most mathematicians who teach mathematics fail. They bask in the illusion that the majority of their students should become mathematicians or their teaching is wasted...

· Next to knowing when to seize an opportunity, the most important thing in life is to know when to forego an advantage.—Benjamin Disraeli

· Nobody really cares if you're miserable, so you might as well be happy.—Cynthia Nelms

· You can get more with a kind word and a gun than you can with a kind word alone.—Al Capone

· The husband who doesn't tell his wife everything probably reasons that what she doesn't know won't hurt him.—Leo J. Burke

· AWOD: Friendship-n-mutual blackmail elevated to the level of love.—Robin Morgan

· LYRIC: “Fully alive. More than most. Ready to smile and love life.”—Flyleaf

· Civilization advances by extending the number of operations we can do without thinking about them. Operations of thought are like cavalry charges in a battle - they are strictly limited in number, they require fresh horses and must be made only at decisive moments.—Alfred North Whitehead

· Spoon feeding in the long run teaches us nothing but the shape of the spoon.—E. M. Forster

· Rembrandt painted 700 pictures. Of these, 3,000 are still in existence.—Wilhelm Bode

· Far too many relied on the classic formula of a beginning, a muddle, and an end.—Philip Carlin - British poet - referring to modern novels

· Smartness runs in my family. When I went to school I was so smart my teacher was in my class for five years.—George Burns

· AWOD: Humility-n-the ability to look properly shy when you tell people how wonderful you are.

PICT_RE

“your ought to be in pictures”

· The student needs to develop an understanding, however partial and imperfect, by descriptions rather than definitions, by typical examples rather than grandiose theorems....

· The law gives the pedestrian the right-of-way but makes no provision for flowers.

· The problem with writing about religion is that you run the risk of offending sincerely religious people, and then they come after you with machetes.—Dave Barry

· AWOD: Teacher-n-one who makes himself progressively unnecessary.—Thomas Carruthers

· LYRIC: “Who died and lifted you up to perfection?”—R.E.M.: Final Straw

ROOM

IMPROVEMENT

“room for improvement”

· Authors of textbooks need to remember that they are supposed to be addressing students, not the teachers... Contemporary prose style is simpler and more direct than the style of the 19th century- except in textbooks of mathematics. ....I blame the authors of textbooks for not realizing that contemporary students speak a different language.—Ralph Boas

· I think of life itself now as a wonderful play that I've written for myself... and so my purpose is to have the utmost fun playing my part.—Shirley MacLaine

· Get well cards have become so humorous that if you don't get sick you're missing half the fun.

· Scientists tell us that the fastest animal on earth, with a top speed of 120 feet per second, is a cow that has been dropped out of a helicopter.—Dave Barry

· I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me this watch.—Woody Allen

· Adults are always asking little kids what they want to be when they grow up because they're looking for ideas—Paula Poundstone

· AWOD: Hypochondriac-n-a sick person whose affliction is a healthy imagination.

· LYRIC: “Ain’t no wrong now. Ain’t no right. There’s only pleasure and pain.”—Jane’s Addiction

WAY

Series

“subway series”

· Mathematical skills are like any other kind.... If you are learning to play the piano, you usually start by practicing under supervision; you don't begin with theoretical lectures on acoustical vibrations and the internal structure of the instrument. Similarly for mathematical skills.—Ralph Boas

· It is not bigotry to be certain we are right; but it is bigotry to be unable to imagine how we might possibly have gone wrong.—G.K. Chesterton, essayist and novelist (1874-1936)

· I have discovered the art of deceiving diplomats. I tell them the truth and they never believe me.—Camillo Di Cavour

· If you can't answer a man's arguments, all is not lost; you can still call him vile names.—Elbert Hubbard

· I went down the street to the 24-hour grocery. When I got there, the guy was locking the front door. I said, "Hey, the sign says you're open 24 hours." He said, "Yes, but not in a row."—Stephen Wright

· LYRIC: "If I could be who you wanted... all the time... I would..."—Radiohead: Fake Plastic Trees

E E

A A

R R

T T

H H

“down to earth”

· The student needs to develop an understanding, however partial and imperfect, by descriptions rather than definitions, by typical examples rather than grandiose theorems....—Gian - Carlo Rota

· When you feel neglected, think of the female salmon, who lays 3,000,000 eggs but no one remembers her on Mother's Day—Sam Ewing

· You teach a child to read, and he or her will be able to pass a literacy test.—George W. Bush

· Education is a wonderful thing. If you couldn't sign your name you'd have to pay cash.—Rita Mae Brown

· AWOD: Knowledge-n-The small body of ignorance that we arrange and classify.—Ambrose Bierce

· LYRIC: “Madness is the gift, that has been given to me”—Disturbed: Down with the Sickness

SETTLEMENT

“out of court settlement”

· Calculus as currently taught is, alas, full of inert material . . . The real crisis is that at present [calculus] is badly taught; the syllabus has remained stationary, and modern points of view, especially those having to do with the roles of applications and computing are poorly represented. . .—Peter Lax, Past President of the American Mathematical Society

· Words ought to be a little wild, for they are the assault of thoughts on the unthinking.—John Maynard Keynes

· I don't have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They're upstairs in my socks.—Groucho Marx

· We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.—Dave Barry

· There's an old saying in Tennessee - I know it's in Texas, probably in Tennessee...that says, fool me once, shame on...shame on you. Fool me...you can't get fooled again.— George W. Bush

· If you really want something in this life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers—Homer Simpson

· AWOD: Humor-n-the kindly contemplation of the incongruities of life, and the artistic expression thereof.—Stephen Leacock, economist and humorist (1869-1944)

· LYRIC: “Let them put it on my tombstone when they lay me in the ground: “I’m Good Now”.”—Bob Schneider

RETURN

INVESTMENT

“big return on investment”

· The man ignorant of mathematics will be increasingly limited in his grasp of the main forces of civilization.—John Kenedy

· Half our life is spent trying to find something to do with the time we have rushed through life trying to save.—Will Rogers

· I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging starts: 'I wanna know your name.'— Mike Binder

· I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.—Winston Bennett

· Every now and then you meet a man whose ignorance is encyclopedic.—Stanislaw J. Lec

· I hate it when my foot falls asleep during the day 'cause that means it's gonna be up all night.—Stephen Wright

· AWOD: Logic-n-the act of thinking and reasoning in strict accordance with the limitations and incapacities of the human understanding.—Ambrose Bierce

· LYRIC: "If I talk your talk the words I say come back around a different way... the end is just a breath away... if you ain't got a weapon then you'll never get a say..."—3 Colours Red: Nuclear Holiday

GONE

GONE CONCLUSION

GONE

“foregone conclusion”

· God made everything out of nothing, but the nothingness shows through.—Paul Valery

· The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for 30 years she served nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found.—Calvin Trillin

· Right now I feel that I've got my feet on the ground as far as my head is concerned.—Bo Belinsky - Baseball pitcher

· A man who carries a cat by the tail learns something he can learn in no other way.—Mark Twain

· LYRIC: “Keep you in the dark, You know they all pretend. Keep you in the dark, And so it all began.”—Foo Fighters: Pretender

CHIMADENA

“made in china”

· If a healthy minded person takes an interest in science, he gets busy with his mathematics and haunts the laboratory.—W.S. Franklin

· The great difficulty in education is to get experience out of ideas.—George Santayana

· Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment.—Robert Benchley

· The sooner all the animals are extinct, the sooner we'll find their money.—Ed Bluestone

· Sometimes the only way you can feel good about yourself is by making someone else look bad. And I'm tired of making other people feel good about themselves.—Homer Simpson

· By the time a man realizes that his father was usually right, he has a son who thinks he's usually wrong.

· LYRIC: "I don't want this, remember that. I couldn't change, though I wanted to"—Bush: Glycerine

YBAB RIBS

“baby back ribs”

· I used to love mathematics for its own sake, and I still do, because it allows for no hypocrisy and no vagueness...—Stendhal (Henri Beyle), The Life of Henri Brulard

· We must laugh before we are happy, for fear we die before we laugh at all.—Jean de La Fontaine

· The only time to eat diet food is while you're waiting for the steak to cook—Julia Child

· Fame is delightful, but as collateral it does not rank high.—Elbert Hubbard

· It is difficult to find a courteous person today who isn't trying to sell you something.

· LYRIC: "Remembering your touch... your kiss... your warm embrace... I'll find my way... back to you... if you'll be waiting too..."—Tracy Chapman: The Promise

& MIGHTY

“high and mighty”

· Although he may not always recognize his bondage, modern man lives under a tyranny of numbers.—Nicholas Eberstadt, The Tyranny of Numbers: Mismeasurement and Misrule

· What some people mistake for the high cost of living is really the cost of high living.—Doug Larson

· The man with the best job in the country is the vice-president. All he has to do is get up every morning and say, "How is the president?"—Will Rogers

· Some are born with cold feet, some acquire cold feet, and others have cold feet thrust upon them.

· There's many a bestseller that could have been prevented by a good teacher.—Flannery O'Connor

· Accomplishing the impossible means only the boss will add it to your regular duties.—Doug Larson

· WOD: Esoteric-adj-understood by or meant for only the select few who have special knowledge or interest; recondite

· LYRIC: "You never loved me! You only loved Fozzie Bear!"—Charlotte: Muppet

NEFRIENDED

=DEFRIENDED

“a friend in need is a friend indeed”

· Still more astonishing is that world of rigorous fantasy we call mathematics.—Gregory Bateson

· That wretched alchemist called money can turn a man's heart into a stone!—Mehmet Murat Ildan

· Her hat is a creation that will never go out of style; it will just look ridiculous year after year.—Fred Allen

· Show me where Stalin is buried and I'll show you a Communist Plot.—Edgar Bergen

· The early bird who catches the worm works for someone who comes in late and owns the worm farm.—Travis McGee

· AWOD: Faith-n-an illogical belief in the occurrence of the improbable.—H. L. Mencken

· LYRIC: "Stand up and fight, and I'll stand up with you!"—Dropkick Murphy's: The Gauntlet

“worked up over nothing”

· Mathematics is the supreme judge; from its decisions there is no appeal.—Tobias Dantzig

· Being defeated is often only a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent.—Marilyn vos Savant

· Women speak because they wish to speak, whereas a man speaks only when driven to speech by something outside himself-like, for instance, he can't find any clean socks—Jean Kerr quotes

· You get fifteen Democrats in a room, and you get twenty opinions—Patrick Leahy

· Consultants have credibility because they are not dumb enough to work at your company.—Scott Adams

· The word aerobics comes from two Greek words: aero, meaning "ability to," and bics, meaning "withstand tremendous boredom.—Dave Barry

Most

“first and foremost”

· But mathematics is the sister, as well as the servant, of the arts and is touched with the same madness and genius.—Harold Marston Morse

· In the End, we will remember not the words of our enemies, but the silence of our friends.—Martin Luther King Jr.

· It's hard to dance if you just lost your wallet. Whoa! Where's my wallet? But, hey this song is funky...—Mitch Hedberg

· Actually, I...this may sound a little West Texan to you, but I like it. When I'm talking about...when I'm talking about myself, and when he's talking about myself, all of us are talking about me.—George W. Bush

· I have never been jealous. Not even when my dad finished fifth grade a year before I did.—Jeff Foxworthy

· AWOD: Golf-n-a game in which the slowest people in the world are those in front of you, and the fastest are those behind.

· LYRIC: "Funny how the ground can find my wheels... I'm going where the road won't dare... an' only ridin' down the path we made... to Union Square..."—Fountains of Wayne: Survival Car

TOM,

DOW,

BOBBY,

K.C.,

CHIPPER

“keeping up with the joneses”

· With my full philosophical rucksack I can only climb slowly up the mountain of mathematics.—Ludwig Wittgenstein, Culture and Value

· If there was nothing wrong in the world there wouldn't be anything for us to do.—George Bernard Shaw

· Saving is a very fine thing. Especially when your parents have done it for you. - Winston Churchill

· I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.—Ellen DeGeneres

· AWOD: University-n-what a college becomes when the faculty loses interest in students—John Ciardi

· LYRIC: "I call your name every day when I feel so helpless.”—Seether: Rise Above It

“foul language”

· The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way. Persecution is used in theology, not in arithmetic.—Bertrand Russell

· It is not easy to find happiness in ourselves, and it is not possible to find it elsewhere.–Agnes Repplier

· If limousines were extremely long, they wouldn't need drivers. You could just get in the back seat, walk through the limousine, and then get out of the front seat, which would be where you wanted to go.—Jonathan Safran Foer

· If they ever come up with a swashbuckling School, I think one of the courses should be Laughing, Then Jumping Off Something.—Jack Handey

· I like vending machines, because snacks are better when they fall. If I buy a candy bar at the store, oftentimes I will drop it so that is achieves its maximum flavor potential.—Mitch Hedberg

· WOD: Myrmidon-n-A loyal follower, especially one who executes orders without question, protest, or pity.

· AWOD: Courage-n-resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear.—Mark Twain

· LYRIC: "Gotta make a plan, gotta do what's right, can't run around in circles if you wanna build a life..."—Green Day: J.A.R.

CAEK

ACKE

CEAK

“cake mix”

· The hardest arithmetic to master is that which enables us to count our blessings.—Eric Hoffer, Reflections On The Human Condition

· If I had to live my life again, I'd make the same mistakes, only sooner.—Tallulah Bankhead

· Never agree to plastic surgery if the doctor's office is full of portraits by Picasso.

· Too bad you can't buy a voodoo globe so that you could make the earth spin real fast and freak everybody out.—Jack Handey

· If fashion designers continue to advance the season it won't be long before winter hats are again worn in winter.

· The sum of the intelligence on the planet is a constant; the population is growing.

· WOD: bete noire-n-Something or someone particularly detested or avoided; a bugbear.

· AWOD: Genealogist-n-one who traces your family back as far as your money will go.

· LYRIC: "Once upon the time at home, I sat beside the telephone... waiting for someone to call me through, when at last it didn't ring, I knew it wasn't you..."—Kirsty MacColl: New England

TAES DRIVER

“back seat driver”

· Mathematics is as much an aspect of culture as it is a collection of algorithms.—Carl Boyer, 1949, calculus textbook

· Nobody holds a good opinion of a man who holds a low opinion of himself –Anthony Trollope

· The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly and lie about your age.—Lucille Ball

· God is really only another artist. He invented the giraffe, the elephant, and the cat. He has no real style. He just goes on trying other things.—Pablo Picasso

· Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.—Ralph Bus

· AWOD: Journalism-n-consists largely in saying "Lord Jones died" to people who never knew Lord Jones was alive.—G. K. Chesterton

· LYRIC: "Just remember that you're standing on a planet that's evolving and revolving at 900 miles an hour..."—Monty Python: Galaxy Song

“the deal fell through”

· The mathematics are distinguished by a particular privilege, that is, in the course of ages, they may always advance and can never recede.—Edward Gibbon, Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

· Not being able to govern events, I govern myself.—Michel De Montaigne I wondered why the Frisbee was getting bigger, and then it hit me.

· Do not follow, for I may not lead. Do not lead, for I may not follow. Just go over there somewhere, please?

· AWOD: Thunderstorm-n-God's way of saying you spend too much time in front of the computer.

P O W ERS

PO W E R S

POW E R S

“separation of powers”

· Go down deep enough into anything and you will find mathematics.—Dean Schlicter

· Faith is a fine invention/ When Gentleman can see --/ But Microscopes are prudent/ In an Emergency.—Emily Dickinson

· Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.—Jacques Languirand

· I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either.—Jack Benny

· I think fooseball is a combination of soccer and shishkabobs.— Mitch Hedberg

· AWOD: Genius-n-a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.—Dino Levi

· LYRIC: "There's just a million better bands... with a million better songs... singers who can drum... and singers who can sing... Deep... in my heart... I do believe... we're not gonna make it..."—Presidents Of The United States Of America: We're Not Going To Make It

SOMETHING

↑

“the start of something big”

· So if a man's wit be wandering, let him study the mathematics; for in demonstrations, if his wit be called away never so little, he must begin again.—Francis Bacon, "Of Studies"

· The single biggest problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place.—George Bernard Shaw

· Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.—William Shakespeare

· Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.—Franklin P. Jones

· I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.—Craig Charles

· AWOD: Extravagance-n-anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.—Franklin Adams

· LYRIC: “Nothing to lose is a path you can choose, and it feels just right at the time.”—Strata: Stay Young

Foot

“two left feet”

· Even stranger things have happened; and perhaps the strangest of all is the marvel that mathematics should be possible to a race akin to the apes.—Eric T. Bell, The Development of Mathematics

· You can preach a better sermon with your life than with your lips.—Oliver Goldsmith

· Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.—Patrick Murray

· As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own apartment.

· We were allowed to accept gifts of flowers, candies, jewels, furs, yachts, castles - but never money.—Quentin Crisp

· LYRIC: "I'll be there for you... 'cause you're there for me too..."—Rembrants: I'll Be There For You

O U

C N C T

“disorderly conduct”

· If equations are trains threading the landscape of numbers, then no train stops at pi.—Richard Preston

· If you wish to travel far and fast, travel light. Take off all your envies, jealousies, unforgiveness, selfishness, and fears.—Glenn Clar

· I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

· Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.—Fran Lebowitz

· We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.—George W. Bush

· Thieves respect property; they merely wish the property to become their property that they may more perfectly respect it.—G.K. Chesterton

· Common sense is the measure of the possible; it is composed of experience and prevision; it is calculation applied to life.—Henri Frederic Amiel

· When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.—Carrot Top.

· His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.—Arthur Baer

· You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"—Dave Barry

· LYRIC: "I believe in karma, what you give is what you get, returned..."—Savage Garden: Affirmation

VEUNE

EUNEV

NEVEU

“change of venue”

· We save a boy's soul at the same time we are saving his algebra.—George C. St John

· If we're growing, we're always going to be out of our comfort zone.—John Maxwell

· I have just returned from a children's party. I'm one of the survivors.—Percy French

· An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.—Agatha Christie.

· You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.—Steven Wright

· In a mere half century films have gone from silent to unspeakable.—Doug Larson

· AWOD: Old-adj-when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.—George Burns.

· LYRIC: “when everyone's too scared to walk in your shoes, but can work up the nerve to be critics.”—Strata: Stay young

N R G $

“increasing energy costs”

· Too many consultants, when asked, 'What is 2 and 2?' respond, 'What do you have in mind?'—Norman Augustine

· How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. –Anne Frank

· More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.—John Nelson.

· Today's pay slip has more deductions than a Sherlock Holmes novel.—Raymond Cvikota

· In the beginning there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.—Dave Thomas.

· LYRIC: “We don’t ever want to be here, and sure don’t ever want to go.”—Garth Brooks: Kickin’ and Screamin’

GOOD UUUU

“good for you”

· The average family exists only on paper and its average budget is a fiction, invented by statisticians for the convenience of statisticians.—Sylvia Porter

· Every man stamps his value on himself... man is made great or small by his own will.—J.C.F. von Schiller

· The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.—Mitch Hedberg

· The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.—Paul Dean.

· They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.—Rita Rudner

· AWOD: Medicine-n-the art of amusing a patient while nature affects the cure.—Voltaire

· LYRIC: “We don't rebel to sell; it just suits us well. We're the Bright Young Things.”—Marilyn Manson

TRIPPWEDO

“ripped in two”

· When considering regulations, half of what is published is probably 50 % incorrect. The rest is 75 % wrong.—Norman Mailer

· WOD: Equanimity-n-mental or emotional stability or composure, esp. under tension or strain; calmness; equilibrium.

· AWOD: Patriotism-n-the kind of religion from which wars begin.—Guy de Maupassant

INFeFeFeRNO

“too many irons in the fire”

· Neither a lofty degree of intelligence nor imagination nor both together go to the making of genius. Love, love, love, that is the soul of genius.—Mozart

· Milliners (Hat makers) never seem to have any difficulty discovering geometrical shapes wholly unknown to mathematicians.

· LYRIC: “And Honey, I miss you and I'm being good. And I'd love to be with you if only I could.” Bobby Goldsboro: Honey

ODD

“odds are stacked against you”

· It’s better for my body, for my sanity, for my family, for my life, if people are having fun. My skin is better.—Will Smith

· The only way to comprehend what mathematicians mean by Infinity is to contemplate the extent of human stupidity.—Voltaire

· If you spread out all the sand in North Africa, it would cover the Sahara Desert.

· WOD: Haughty-adj-disdainfully proud; snobbish; scornfully arrogant; supercilious

· LYRIC: “Look me in the eye: this ain’t your fairytale.”—Sonata Arctica

UNCERT INTY

“without a doubt”

· Sometimes one pays most for the things one gets for nothing.—Albert Einstein

· If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter.—Albert Gran

· Statistics indicate that as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses.—Ira Wallach

UUUUCAUTION

“use with caution”

· It doesn't matter how beautiful your theory is, it doesn't matter how smart you are. If it doesn't agree with experiment, it's wrong.—Richard Feynman, physicist, Nobel laureate (1918-1988)

· Almost all our faults are more pardonable than the methods we resort to hide them.—Francois de La Rochefoucauld

· Children are natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

· All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.—Saint Patrick

· WOD: Demagogue-n-a person, esp. an orator or political leader, who gains power and popularity by arousing the emotions, passions, and prejudices of the people.

· LYRIC: “I turned my weakness into a fine profession.”—Sonata Arctica: The Vice

SHEEP

“laughing stock”

· When I turned two, I was really anxious because I’d doubled my age in a year. I thought, “If this keeps up, by the time I’m six, I’ll be ninety.”—Steven Wright

· While driving, I had an accident with a magician. It wasn’t my fault, the guy came out of nowhere.—Auggie Cook

· A car hits a Jewish man. The paramedic rushes over and says, “Are you comfortable?” The guy says, “I make a good living.”—Henny Youngman

· It’s a rare person who wants to hear what he doesn’t want to hear.—Dick Cavett

· AWOD: Conversation-n-A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

RADIO

“two-way radio”

· A couple of rabbits were being chased by a pack of coyotes. They stopped in a haystack, and one said to the other, “We gonna make a run for it, or stay here and outnumber them?”—Red Skelton

· If the truth doesn't save us, what does that say about us?—Lois McMaster Bujol

· I’m thirty years old, but I read at the thirty-four-year-old level.—Dana Carvey

· I think I live near an animal-testing laboratory. The other day I spotted a mouse wearing hair gel.—Adam Gropman

· I don’t know respect. I told my landlord I wanted to live in a more expensive apartment. He raised the rent.—Rodney Dangerfield

· I met my wife in a bar. What a surprise; I thought she was home watching the kids.—Ron Dentinger

__S__

“upset over nothing”

· The only thing I learned in statistics class was that one out of three people fail it at least once.—Buzz Nutley

· If your morals make you dreary, depend on it, they are wrong.—Robert Louis Stevenson

· Standards of beauty change. If Mona Lisa went into a modeling agency today, they’d say, “Sorry, we don’t need a janitor.”—Jim Gaffigan

· Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.—Sam Levenson

· Bookstore pickup line: “Have you seen a copy of Tax Tips for Billionaires?”—Dave Letterman

· AWOD: Corporation-n-An ingenious device for obtaining individual profit without individual responsibility.—Ambrose Bierce

· “Sometimes we need to be cruel to be kind.”—Sonata Arctica: Shamandalie

FRIENDS

STANDING

MISS

FRIENDS

“misunderstanding between friends”

· If people do not believe that mathematics is simple, it is only because they do not realize how complicated life is.—John Louis von Neumann

· Do you wish to rise? Begin by descending. You plan a tower that will pierce the clouds? Lay first the foundation of humility.—St. Augustine

· Lisa, Vampires are make-believe, like elves, gremlins, and Eskimos.—Homer Simpson

· AWOD: Propagandist-n-one whose purpose is to make one set of people forget that certain other sets of people are human.—Aldous Huxley

· LYRIC: “Take time to make time. Make time to be there.”—Lady: Little River Band

TEN

TEN 2 TEN

TEN

“too intense”

· Mathematics are well and good but nature keeps dragging us around by the nose.—Albert Einstein

· Thank everyone who calls out your faults, your anger, your impatience, your egotism; do this consciously, voluntarily.—Jean Toomer

· As far as I'm concerned, treachery will sometimes bring loyalty into question.

· If you're robbing a bank and you're pants fall down, I think it's okay to laugh and to let the hostages laugh too, because, come on, life is funny.—Jack Handey

· I’m getting out of this one horse town, just as soon as it’s my turn to ride the horse.

· LYRIC: “Don’t hold me up. I don’t need your help. I can stand my own ground. You won’t let me down.”—Prayer of the Refugee: Rise Above

RU F1/2UN

“are you having fun?”

· Mathematics - the unshaken Foundation of Sciences, and the plentiful Fountain of Advantage to human affairs.—Isaac Barrow

· The door of a bigoted mind opens outwards so that the only result of the pressure of facts upon it is to close it more snugly.—Ogden Nash

· Always be on the lookout for conspicuousness; otherwise it's hard to tell if someone is inconspicuous.

· AWOD: Myth-n-a religion in which no one any longer believes.—James Kern Feibleman

MAINTENANCE

“high maintenance”

· I never did very well in math - I could never seem to persuade the teacher that I hadn't meant my answers literally.—Calvin Trillin

· The older I grow, the more I listen to people who don't talk much.—Germain G. Glien

· AWOD: Socialist-n-someone who has nothing and wants to share it with everyone else.

· LYRIC: “There’s nothing like a trail of blood to find your way back home.”—SIXX AM: Life is Beautiful

AUT UMN

seem seam

“fall apart at the seams”

· Arithmetic is where numbers fly like pigeons in and out of your head.—Carl Sandburg

· To be without some of the things you want is an indispensable part of happiness.—Bertrand Russell

· I like to reminisce about things I never did, in times that never were, when I was much better than I ever was.

· AWOD: Sect-n-an elegant incognito devised to save a man from the vexation of thinking.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

· LYRIC: “Just open your eyes and see that life is beautiful.”—Sixx A.M.

DAD DAD

“forefathers”

· I don’t see feeling creative and being confident going hand in hand.—Will Ferrell

· What is worth doing is worth the trouble of asking somebody to do it.—Ambrose Bierce,

· AWOD: Boss-n-Someone who's early when you're late and late when you're early.

· “But the memories that haunt us are cherished just the same”—Rise Against: Done with the Compass

ILE

OD .

OC .

CR .

“crocodile tears”

· The mathematics are distinguished by a particular privilege, that is, in the course of ages, they may always advance and can never recede.—Edward Gibbon, Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire

· What will you do when you leave football, Jack, will you stay in football - Stuart Hall

· LYRIC: “I’m feeling like a Monday, but someday I’ll be Saturday night.”—Bon Jovi

SENSATION

NIGHT

“overnight sensation”

· It is not the job of mathematicians... to do correct arithmetical operations. It is the job of bank accountants.—Samuil Shchatunovski

· I am becoming increasingly worried that there isn't enough anxiety in my life.

· It's the kind or organization where the lunatic fringe extends right to the centre.

· LYRIC: “You took so many through the light, And now you're on your own.”—Fallen from the Sky: The Frames

did I KNOW

“little did I know”

· Mathematics is as much an aspect of culture as it is a collection of algorithms.—Carl Boyer, 1949, calculus textbook

· Our greatest happiness in life does not depend on the condition of life in which chance has placed us, but is always the result of good conscience, good health, occupation, and freedom in all just pursuits.—Thomas Jefferson

· I asked this woman why she had two Seeing Eye dogs, and she said one was for reading.—Jonathan Katz

· All of the people in my building are insane. The guy above me designs synthetic hairballs for ceramic cats.—Steven Wright

· I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.—Groucho Marx

· When I went to college, my parents threw a going-away party for me, according to the letter.—Emo Philips

· AWOD: Childhood-n-that wonderful time when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath.—Richard Zera

· LYRIC: “Give me reason, but don’t give me choice, ‘cause I’ll just make the same mistake again.”—James Blunt

WHI111LE

“once in a while”

· Be regular and orderly in your life so that you may be violent and original in your work.—Gustave Flaubert

· My childhood was rough. Once for my birthday, my old man gave me a bat. The first day I played with it, it flew away.—Rodney Dangerfield

· The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.—George Carlin

· My brother-in-law is always there for me when he needs a favor.—David Corrado

· WOD: Macroscian-n-One casting a long shadow. –or- One who inhabits polar regions.

· LYRIC: “You can have anything you want, but you better not take it from me.”—GNR

GOOD

S S

A A

P P

“too good o pass up”

· Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk because they have to say something—Plato

· The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get elected.—Will Rogers

· A man always blames the woman who fools him. In the same way he blames the door he walks into in the dark.—Henry Louis Mencken

· I have great faith in fools - self-confidence, my friends call it.—Edgar Allan Poe

· A common mistake that people make when trying to design something completely foolproof is to underestimate the ingenuity of complete fools.—Douglas Adams

· AWOD: April 1-n-This is the day upon which we are reminded of what we are on the other three hundred and sixty-four.—Mark Twain

· LYRIC: “I'll learn to dance for you Like an honest clumsy clown”—Lifehouse: The Fool

D D

O O

G G

O O

N N

“up to no good”

· Mathematics is the only good metaphysics.—William Thomson Baron Kelvin of Largs

· Who is more to be pitied, a writer bound and gagged by policemen or one living in perfect freedom who has nothing more to say?—Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.,

· My childhood was kind of a blur, to tell you the truth. I needed better glasses.—Wendy Liebman

· I wish people who have trouble communicating would just shut up.—Tom Lehrer

· My mom always says, “Keep your chin up.” That’s how I ran into the door.—Daryl Hogue

· WOD: Pinchbeck-adj-An alloy of zinc and copper, used as imitation gold in jewelry. Counterfeit or spurious.

· AWOD: University Faculty-n-five hundred egotists with a common parking problem.—Dave Barry

· LYRIC: “Signs . . . blocking out the scenery, breaking my mind. ‘Do this. Don’t do that,’ can’t you read the signs.”—Signs: 5-man Electrical Band

.THAT

“that’s beside the point”

· The most savage controversies are those about matters as to which there is no good evidence either way. Persecution is used in theology, not in arithmetic.—Bertrand Russell

· My sister Kiki gave me a cloth calendar. It took me three hours to sew in a dental appointment.—Emo Philips

· The way we know the kids are growing up: The bite marks are higher.—Phyllis Diller

· I don’t know anything about computers. I don’t even know how often to change the oil.—Buzz Nutley

· I drove a cab after college for like two months. But I never picked anybody up. I just needed a car.—Wendy Liebman

· AWOD: Fishing-n-the only sport where sitting on your butt under a tree looks like concentrated activity.—Jeff MacNelly

· LYRIC: “Games that never amount To more than they're meant Will play themselves out.”—Glen Hansard

· With my full philosophical rucksack I can only climb slowly up the mountain of mathematics.—Ludwig Wittgenstein

· Remember that in giving any reason at all for refusing, you lay some foundation for a future request.—Sir Arthur Helps

· Christmas always sucked when I was a kid, because I believed in Santa Claus. Unfortunately, so did my parents, so I never got anything.—Charlie Viracola

· Whenever anything went wrong in my life, my mother would say, “All things happen for the best.” And I’d ask, “WHOSE best?” And she’d say, “Gotta go.”—Rita Rudner

· I had to work to put myself through school. I sold encyclopedias in college. When the librarian found out, she was pissed.—Brian Kiley

· Chevron is in talks to acquire Texaco for forty-two billion dollars. The merger would created the nation’s larges chain of unsanitary rest rooms.—Craig Kilborn

· LYRIC: “There are worse things in life then not being someone’s sweetie.”—Morrissey

CHAR_ACTER

“act out of character”

· But mathematics is the sister, as well as the servant, of the arts and is touched with the same madness and genius.—Harold Marston Morse

· It is, after all, the dab of grit that seeps into an oyster's shell that makes the pearl, not pearl-making seminars with other oysters.—Stephen King

· My granddad used to say, “If everybody liked the same thing, they’d all be after your grandma.”—Gary Muledeer

· I went on a diet. Had to go on two diets at the same time, actually, because one diet wasn’t giving me enough food.—Barry Marder

· The Native Americans say that gambling hasn’t affected their native culture. I heard that directly from Chief Double Down.—Buzz Nutley

· Put a federal agency in charge of the Sahara Desert and it would run out of sand.—Peggy Noonan

· LYRIC: “you know those who stand to gain are not the ones who sacrifice”—Strata

THE LINE

“crossing the line”

· Still more astonishing is that world of rigorous fantasy we call mathematics. ~Gregory Bateson

· Be not too hasty to trust or admire the teachers of morality; they discourse like angels but they live like men.—Samuel Johnson

· Americans spend three hundred billion dollars every year on games of chance, and that doesn’t even include weddings and elections.—Argus Hamilton

· My grandma says she has eyes in the back of her head. I hope it it’s not hereditary.—Steven Wright

· I got my hair highlighted because I thought that some strands were more important than others.—Mitch Hedberg

· The state of Michigan’s legislature has just passed a law allowing the blind to hunt deer. The biggest supporters of the new law? The deer.—Norm MacDonald

· LYRIC: “Don’t waste your time always searching for those wasted years.”—Iron Maiden

“assasinate”

B

S

grapple, y=mx+b, Titanic