2008-2009 school year
August 28, 2008
· The mathematics are distinguished by a particular privilege, that is, in the course of ages, they may always advance and can never recede. ~Edward Gibbon, Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire
· In crisis is cleverness born.—Chinese proverb
· I didn’t invent the hypothetical situation, but let’s just suppose for a second that I did.—Auggie Cook
· The insurance man told me that the accident policy covered falling off the roof, but not hitting the ground.—Tommy Cooper
· I was married for two years, which is a long time if you break it down into half-hour segments.—Charisse Savarin
· I bought a seven-dollar pen because I always lose pens and I got tired of caring.—Mitch Hedberg
· WOD: Cibarious-adj-Relating to food; Edible.
· AWOD: Conscience-n-the inner voice that tells us that someone may be looking.—H.L. Mencken
· LYRIC: “Your prison is walking through this world all alone.”—Eagles: Desperado
· SAY WHAT: FUN STING KIN THUMB WARNING (first thing in the morning)
September 2, 2008
· Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathe, and not make messes in the house.—Robert Heinlein, Time Enough for Love
· Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce.
· Do hungry time-travelers ever go back four seconds?
· I put a dollar in one of those change machines. Nothing changed.
· The first ninety minutes of a football match are the most important.—Bobby Robson.
· Moving from Wales to Italy is like moving to a different country - Ian Rush
· WOD: Comestible-adj-Suitable to be eaten; edible.
· AWOD: Lecturer-n-One with his hand in your pocket, his tongue in your ear, and his faith in your patience.—Bierce
· LYRIC: “There's a big old goofy man, Dancing with a big old goofy girl, It's a big old goofy world”—John Prine
· LIT SKIT AUTO FEAR (Let’s get out of here.)
“temporarily out of order”
September 4, 2008
· Can you do Division? Divide a loaf by a knife - what's the answer to that?—Lewis Carroll, Through the Looking Glass
· My great mistake, the fault for which I can't forgive myself, is that one day I ceased my obstinate pursuit of my own individuality.—Oscar Wilde
· There's no such thing as nonexistence.
· If you don't agree with me it means you haven't been listening.—Sam Markewich.
· I’m into golf now. I’m getting pretty good. I can almost hit the ball as far as I can throw the clubs.—Bob Ettinger
· This one job said they wanted a college degree or equivalent. I said, “Perfect, I have eight years of high school.”—Buzz Nutley
· WOD: Lambent-adj-running smoothly or lightly over the surface.
· AWOD: Reality-n-the other person’s idea of how things should be.—John M. Shanahan
· LYRIC: "It's strange what desire will make foolish people do."—Chris Isaac: Wicked Game
· SAFARI SIGH CAN’T HAIL (So far as I can tell.)
“history in the making”
September 8, 2008
· We could use up two Eternities in learning all that is to be learned about our own world and the thousands of nations that have arisen and flourished and vanished from it. Mathematics alone would occupy me eight million years.—Mark Twain
· To the man who is afraid, everything rustles.—Sophocles
· And then our band became a cappella as we left the pawn shop.—Mitch Hedberg
· My friend Wayne is a procrastinator. He didn’t get his birthmark until he was eight years old.—Steven Wright
· I’m a writer. I write checks. Mostly fiction.—Wendy Liebman
· Buy thermometers in the wintertime. They’re much lower then.—Soupy Sales
· WOD: Anthropomorphize-v-To attribute human qualities to things not human.
· AWOD: Art-n-the thinking man’s wrestling.—Jon Stewart
· LYRIC: "The hardest to learn was the least complicated."—Indigo Girls: Least Complicated
· SAY WHAT: WHOLE DAWN AMEN IT (Hold on A Minute)
BAD, FAIR, GOOD, BETTER, VERY GOOD, _________
“the best is yet to come”
September 10, 2008
· Mathematics is the supreme judge; from its decisions there is no appeal.—Tobias Dantzig
· Fortune does not change men; it unmasks them.—Suzanne Necker
· I saw my car on television, and it looked 10 pounds heavier.—Buzz Nutley
· I took a course in speed waiting. Now I can wait an hour in only ten minutes.—Steven Wright
· Why do they bother saying “raw” sewage? Do some people cook the stuff?—George Carlin
· When we played softball, Id steal second, then feel guilty and go back.—Woody Allen
· WOD: Superficies-n-Outer surface or appearance of something or someone.
· AWOD: Truth-n-the first casualty of war.—P.J. O’Rourke
· LYRIC: "Yes, I know what you think of me, you never shut up."—Tori Amos: silent all these years
· SAY WHAT: THUMB WORTH HUM HAIRIER (the more the merrier)
“nothing new under the sun”
September 12, 2008
· If a healthy minded person takes an interest in science, he gets busy with his mathematics and haunts the laboratory.—W.S. Franklin
· The whole purpose of education is to turn mirrors into windows.—Sydney J. Harris
· The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life.—George Carlin
· I had dyslexia as a child and wrote about it in my dairy.—Zach Galifianakis
· Being popular is important, otherwise people might not like you.—Mimi Pond
· Look on the bright side. Why, right this instant prices are as low as they’re ever going to be.—Strange de Jim
· WOD: Curate's egg-n-Something having both good and bad parts.
· AWOD: Hypocrisy-n-the tribute vice pays to virtue.—de La Rochefoucauld
· LYRIC: "I had myself fooled into needing you, did I fool you too?" –Barenaked ladies: Told You So
· SAY WHAT: AGE HIP OFF TOLD BULL LOCK (a chip off the old block.)
September 18, 2008
· One cannot escape the feeling that these mathematical formulas have an independent existence and an intelligence of their own, that they are wiser than we are, wiser even than their discoverers...—Heinrich Hertz
· Some circumstantial evidence is very strong, as when you find a trout in the milk.—Henry David Thoreau
· When I was a kid, I asked my dad if I could go ice-skating. He told me to wait until it gets warmer.—Rodney Dangerfield
· On a traffic light, yellow means “yield,” and green means “go.” On a banana, it’s just the opposite: Yellow means “go ahead,” green means “stop,” and red means, “where’d you get that banana?”—Mitch Hedberg
· Like most women, I like to shop . . . . . . . . lift.—Wendy Liebman
· When you’re in love, it’s the most glorious two and a half days of your life.—Richard Lewis
· WOD: Limpet-n-One that clings stubbornly.
· AWOD: Team Effort-n-a lot of people doing what I say.—Michael Winner
· LYRIC: “Never is a moment that you are not on my mind.”—Jimmy LaFave
· SAY WHAT: SAY FIT FRAY RAY NEED HEY (save it for a rainy day.)
WRITE = RIGHT
September 22, 2008
· One of the endlessly alluring aspects of mathematics is that its thorniest paradoxes have a way of blooming into beautiful theories.—Philip J. Davis
· One can always be kind to people about whom one cares nothing.—Oscar Wilde
· I found out why cats drink out of the toilet. My mother told me it's because the water is cold in there. And I'm like, how did my mother know that?—Wendy Liebman
· Scientists have announced that the sun is five billion years old. It just looks older because it’s spent so much time in the sun.—Conan O’Brien
· I am as frustrated with society as a pyromaniac in a petrified forest.—A. Whitney Brown
· I will never forget my first day of school. My mom woke me up, got me dressed, made my bed, and fed me. Man, did the guys in the dorm tease me.—Michael Aronin
· WOD: Nascent-v-beginning to exist or develop, as in a nascent republic.
· AWOD: Life-n-trying to find a place to put your stuff.—George Carlin
· LYRIC: “Given the chance, I’m gonna be somebody.”—Kings of Leon
· SAY WHAT:SAVE FANNED HEY SAW EEK (seven days a week)
September 29, 2008
· In science, the credit goes to the man who convinces the world, not to the man to whom the idea first occurs.—Sir William Osler
· The opposite of talking is not listening. The opposite of talking is waiting.—Fran Lebowitz
· There’s a fine line between true love and a stalking conviction.—Buzz Nutley
· The Republicans are administering a new inner-city health policy called “Walk It Off.”—Steven Colbert
· Roone Arledge died. He was most famous for inventing Monday Night Football, which revolutionized the way men ignore their wives.—Craig Kilborn
· This greasy-spoon restaurant was so bad, on the menu there were even flies in the pictures.—Richard Lewis
· WOD: Panache-n- Dash or flamboyance in manner or style.
· AWOD: Endurance-n-frequently a form of indecision.—Princess Elizabeth Bibesco
· LYRIC: “All I need is a TV-show, that and the radio”—Genesis: Turn It On Again
· SAY WHAT: LIT TOLD HID HIGH NO (little did I know)
October 1, 2008
· Two and two the mathematician continues to make four, in spite of the whine of the amateur for three, or the cry of the critic for five.—James Whistler
· Only the shallow know themselves.—Oscar Wilde
· The environment is screwed up, but you can still have fun. I’m going brown-water rafting this summer.—Barry Crimmins
· I’m originally from the Ozarks. Not everyone in the Ozarks lives in a trailer park. There’s a huge waiting list.—Nancy Norton
· Getting your grandma a cell phone that sends e-mails and takes pictures is a great way to confuse her three times with one gift.—Craig Kilborn
· Last week I saw my psychiatrist. I told him, “Doc, I keep thinking I’m a dog.” He told me to get off his couch.—Rodney Dangerfield
· WOD: Analphabet-n-an illiterate; one who doesn't know the alphabet or the basics of something.
· AWOD: Popularity-n-Glory’s small change.—Victor Hugo
· LYRIC: “Tears for remembrance, and tears for joy, tears for somebody and this lonely boy.”—Iron Maiden: Remember Tomorrow
· SAY WHAT: HEAP HE POUR HAY (hip, hip, hooray)
“change in scenery”
October 3, 2008
· Mathematics is made of 50 percent formulas, 50 percent proofs, and 50 percent imagination.—Anon
· How many people become abstract as a way of appearing profound!—Joseph Joubert
· Accountants are valuable. They take all our dumb mistakes and put them into neat little columns.—Gene Perret
· Here’s a health warning: Don’t moon a pit bull after sitting in A-1 sauce.—Johnny Carson
· The human animal differs from the lesser primates in his passion for the lists of “Ten Best.”—H. Allen Smith
· I didn’t have a lot of friends growing up. When you don’t have friends, the seesaw is just a really low bench.—Dana Eagle
· WOD: Gormandizer-n-a greedy person
· AWOD: Fashion-n-an induced epidemic.—George Bernard Shaw
· LYRIC: “Everyone’s got a reason to justify how they’re feeling”—Sixx A.M.: Tomorrow
· SAY WHAT: MINE CHORE HONE BUS NEST (mine your own business)