2011-2012 school year

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

·         Nothing pertaining to humanity becomes us so well as mathematics. There, and only there,
do we touch the human mind at its peak.—Isaac Asimov (1920-1992)  

·         Ill habits gather by unseen degrees—As brooks make rivers, rivers run to seas.—John Dryden

·         I don't understand you. You don't understand me. What else do we have in common?

·         After a disappointing summer, Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

·         Some people have a way with words, others not have way.

·         Every time I take up exercising I meet new people. They're usually paramedics, but still new people.

·         WOD: Flounce-v-To go with impatient, exaggerated movements.

·         AWOD: Budget-n-a record of where your money should have been spent.

·         LYRIC: “The point of the journey is not to arrive, the point of departure is not to return.”—Rush: Prime Mover

·         SAY WHAT: ROW MAN CALL LEASE HE HEM (Roman Coliseum)



 “background check”



It looks like Gadhafi is through
And with no last goodbye or adieu,
He’ll run for his life
With his aides and his wife
And I’m hoping his hairdresser too!


Thursday, September 8, 2011

·         Measure what is measurable, and make measurable what is not so.—Galileo

·         In the long run, men hit only what they aim at.—Henry David Thoreau

·         Look, pal. You had best stay out of my way or you will quickly learn that I am absolutely no threat to you whatsoever.

·         The easiest way for me to tell if a woman is really listening to me is if she rolls her eyes.

·         Forecast: Sunny today with a slight chance of me going outside to enjoy it.

·         "You buy it, you break it." - Piñata Store Policy

·         WOD: Aplomb-n-Assurance of manner or of action; self-possession; confidence; coolness.

·         AWOD: Dried fruit-n-beef jerky of vegetarianism.

·         LYRIC: “I hurt myself today, to see if I still feel. I focus on the pain, the only thing that's real.”—Nine Inch Nails, Hurt

·         SAY WHAT: POE TATE TERSE HAL AD (potato salad)




 “in under the wire”



Copernicus gave his reply
To those who had pledged to deny.
"All your addictions
To ancient convictions
Won't bring back your place in the sky.


Tuesday, September 13, 2011

·         All science as it grows toward perfection becomes mathematical in its ideas.—Whitehead

·         A variety of nothing is better than a monotony of something.—Johann Richter

·         Never own a pet store. Stores make bad pets.

·         My wife says I never help with the laundry. What's she talking about? Those clothes didn't dirty themselves you know.

·         Mental Note: Actual notes work better.

·         When your outgo exceeds your income, the upshot may be your downfall.

·         WOD: Panache-n- Dash or flamboyance in manner or style.

·         AWOD: Living Well-n-the best revenge.—George Herbert

·         LYRIC: “I'm raising all my lows, and I'm lowering all my disappointments.”—Beck: Got No Mind

·         SAY WHAT: WOK AIM AISLE ENEMA CHEWS (walk a mile in my shoes)  






 “independence day”



Julius’ head was quite tarnished
the splinters were sticking out far-ish.
The Youth league adherents
fixed his appearance,
by using sandpaper and varnish.


Friday, September 16, 2011

·         Algebra is the intellectual instrument which has been created for rendering clear the quantitative aspects of the world.—A.N. Whitehead

·         A man may be so much of everything that he is nothing of anything.—Dr. Samuel Johnson

·         A “to do” list should be more of a “ta da” list.

·         What a gorgeous day to walk around outside staring at my phone.

·         Do you know what I find interesting?  Neither does this guy who keeps talking to me.

·         The people who invented the Internet never would have got around to doing it if they'd had the Internet.

·         WOD: Punctilious-adj-Strictly attentive to the details of form in action or conduct; precise; exact in the smallest particulars.

·         AWOD: Hunting-n-the only sport where the other team has no idea that they’re playing.

·         LYRIC: “This mental space is occupied and everything is mine.”—Leonard Cohen: Death Of A Ladies' Man

·         SAY WHAT: THESE MOE KING HUN (the smoking gun)



 “rolling in the aisles”



"My Plan gives a chance to display
We're surmounting the partisan fray;
Though symbolic in scope,
It may offer up hope,
So I'll press you to pass it today."

—Obama’s American Job’s Act



·         You burros have calculus in your blood.—Jaime Escalante  

·         Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.—Albert Einstein

·         My turn signal has quit working...No its not..Yes it is..No its not..Yes it is..No its not..Yes it is..No its not...

·         My conscious never stops me from doing anything. It just stops me from enjoying it.

·         I love the concept of altruism, but what's in it for me?

·         Man, I hate waiting in lines. I wish this woman would hurry up and pick a suspect.

·         WOD: Irrefragable-adj-irrefutable; inconstestable

·         AWOD: Acrimony-n-payments made on a bad divorce

·         LYRIC: “He's old enough to know what's right, but young enough not to choose it.”—Rush:New World Man

·         SAY WHAT: HEMP HEATH REAP LAYER (.mp3 player)


 “space probes”








, ` & #
$ @ | + . -
8 7 6 5 4
" * _
? ; ! AS;DOFB2

(Comma tick ampersand hash,
Dollar at pipe plus dot dash.
Eight sev'n six five four,
Quote star underscore,
Question mark semi-colon bang MASH.)


Monday, October 3, 2011

·         "Why," said the Dodo, "the best way to explain it is to do it.”—Lewis Carroll

·         Though boys throw stones at frogs in sport, the frogs do not die in sport, but in earnest.—Bion

·         I have a strong will, but a weak won't.

·         I have high double standards.

·         My dog is stalking me.

·         The journey of a thousand miles begins with “I know a shortcut.”

·         WOD: Weltschmerz-n-Sentimental pessimism; sorrow that one feels and accepts as one's necessary portion in life.

·         AWOD: Admiration-n-Our polite recognition of another's resemblance to ourselves.—Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC: “We all like to put the blame on society these things, but what kind of good or bad a new generation brings?”—Iron Maiden: Thin Line Between Love And Hate

·         SAY WHAT: DRUM ATTIC LIME ACTS (dramatic climax)



 “frames of reference”



Not every limerick is crude:

It need'nt have ribaldry's taint
Or strive to make everyone faint.
There's a type that's demure
And perfectly pure
Though it helps quite a lot if it ain't.


Thursday, October 6, 2011

·         Sir, I have found you an argument.  I am not obliged to find you an understanding.—Samuel Johnson (1709-1784)  

·         The love of life is necessary to the vigorous prosecution of any undertaking.—Samuel Johnson

·         It takes 26 muscles to smile and 62 muscles to frown, so don't ever say that I don't go out of my way for you.

·         What does a blonde owl say?  What? What?

·         You owe it to yourself to become successful. After that, you'll owe it to the IRS.

·         The amount of sleep required by the average person is five minutes more. ~Wilson Mizener

·         WOD: Votary-n-One who is devoted, given, or addicted to some particular pursuit, subject, study, or way of life.

·         AWOD: Afternoon-n-that part of the day we spent worrying about how one wasted the morning

·         LYRIC: “Dreams they complicate my life. Dreams they complement my life.”—REM: Get Up

·         SAY WHAT: OWN LATE ACHES AIM MEN HIT (only takes a minute)

 “apple turnover”








In Calculus, (precal or not)

To study is that which you ought

To do every night

So you get questions right

And achieve the 100 you sought.--NH


Tuesday, October 11, 2011

·         The science of Pure Mathematics, in its modern developments, may claim to be the most original creation of the human spirit.—Whitehead

·         Look for the ridiculous in everything, and you will find it.—Jules Renard

·         Trouble defies the law of gravity. It's easier to pick up than to drop.

·         Tried to donate blood today. Didn't realize you had to give your own.

·         I have an inquiring mind. Mostly it asks “Huh?”

·         Please put all questions in the form of a compliment.

·         WOD: Mendacity-n-A tendency to lie; untruthfulness.

·         AWOD: Author-n-a writer with connections in the publishing industry

·         LYRIC: “Winners and losers, sinners and users, will all have to pay on judgment day.”—Bon Jovi: Judgment Day

·         SAY WHAT: TOE NEATH EAT HIKER (tony the tiger)









There was a young lady named Jen
Who thought she was a perfect Ten;
I told her with tact
She needs to subtract
A seven and figure again.


Tuesday, October 18, 2011

·         Sir, We must be aware of needless innovations, especially when guided by logic.—Sir Winston Churchill  

·         Visits always give pleasure—if not the arrival, the departure.—Sydney Smith

·         Prison is peculiar. All the pros are cons.

·         For a lion to be a cannibal, he must first, swallow his pride.

·         Let's organize this thing and take all the fun out of it.

·         If you hear no evil and see no evil, call the TV repairman.

·         WOD: Bandersnatch-n-A person of uncouth or unconventional habits, attitudes, etc., especially one considered a menace, nuisance, or the like.

·         AWOD: Avoidable-adj (v)-what a bullfighter tries to do

·         LYRIC: “You look so polished from your hair down to your toes, but still your finger's gonna pick your nose.”—Billy Joel: Captain Jack

·         SAY WHAT: KAY BELT ELLA FISSION (cable televisions)


 “center of attention”








One religious Golden Retriever
was a singular sort of believer.
He fetched his own Bible,
sued detractors for libel,
and mauled all agnostic achievers.


Thursday, October 27, 2011

·         The beauty in mathematics is seeing the truth without effort.–George Polya

·         Possessions are usually diminished by possession.—Friedrich Nietzsche

·         10 times out of 9, you'll find me exaggerating about something.

·         Hide and Seek is fun until nobody wants to find you.

·         Just saw a duck in the shape of a cloud.—Steve Martin

·         I'm like the statue of Venus de Milo - beautiful but not all there.

·         WOD: Endemic-adj-Belonging exclusively or confined to a particular place.

·         AWOD: Bait-n-A preparation that renders the hook more palatable.—Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC: “Talk up in the White House, talk up to your door, so much going on I just can't hear.”—Creedence Clearwater Revival: Commotion

·         SAY WHAT: SHY KNEES ZACK COUPON SURE (Chinese acupuncture)

 “skinny dipping”








In the shadow of a waxing moon
for my ex-lover I mournfully croon.
Early last May
was her wedding day.
She was a bride. I wasn't a groom.


Tuesday, November 1, 2011

·         An idea which can be used once is a trick.  If it can be used more than once it becomes a method.—George Polya and Gabor Szego  

·         Let them eat cake.—Marie Antoinette, allegedly in 1789 prior to French Revolution

·         Let them eat cake.—Marie-Therese, the wife of Louis XIV, 100 years before Antoinette

·         "Qu'ils mangent de la brioche," which means, literally, "Let them eat rich, expensive, funny-shaped, yellow, eggy buns." In today’s world

·         Let them eat pot scrapings.—Marie-Therese, interpretation in her own time, still flippant, though.

·         Given sufficient lack of motivation, there is no limit to what people can fail to accomplish.

·         You offer someone a sincere compliment on their mustache and suddenly she's not your friend anymore.

·         WOD: Gammon-v-to deceive.

·         AWOD: Bargain-n-buy two soaps and get one free

·         LYRIC: “I am world leader pretend. This is my life and this is my time, I have been given the freedom to do as I see fit.”—REM: World Leader Pretend

·         SAY WHAT: EGGS RAVE FISH HUN (x-ray vision)



 “all night long”



A queen named Marie is now dead
Because someone cut off her head
'Twas not a nice sight
But rather a fright
She had asked, "Was it something I said?"


Thursday, November 3, 2011

·         Math is the symbolic language of relationships, and relationships contain the essential meaning of life.—Pearl S. Buck, The Goddess Abides

·         Falling down is how we grow. Staying down is how we die.—Brian Vaszily

·         I bet other birds are always accidentally asking penguins to get them drinks at parties.

·         Honking the whole time isn't going to make everyone in front of you go any faster. Stupid geese.

·         Women shouldn't have children after forty. Because, really, forty children should be enough.

·         I deleted my Facebook account because I ran out of clever ways to wish people happy birthday.

·         WOD: Perdition-n-A state of final spiritual ruin; loss of the soul; damnation.

·         AWOD: Comfort-n-A state of mind produced by contemplation of a neighbor’s uneasiness.—A. Bierce

·         LYRIC: “Is see the world keep moving as I stumble.  They seem to move much faster than me.”—Stay: Blue October

·         SAY WHAT: WAD ABE HUNCH OFF NUNS HENCE (what a bunch of nonsense)



 “it’s all in your head”



I'm sorry to cause a commotion
But I've trouble combating emotion
Whenever I’m near you.
Because it is clear you
'Re rejecting my hopeless devotion.


Tuesday, November 8, 2011

·         Nature uses as little as possible of anything.Kepler, Johannes (1571-1630)

·         He who cannot forgive others destroys a bridge over which he himself must pass.—George Herbert

·         Boomerangs and Attention Deficit Disorder don't mix.

·         There are three ways a man can wear his hair...parted, unparted or departed.

·         If you wear the right colored apron, you can hand out free samples of whatever you want at the supermarket.

·         If you ever need anything, please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.

·         WOD: Canny-adj-Astute; shrewd; knowing; sagacious.

·         AWOD:  "I forgive you" –the kindest way to tell someone: "I still think it's your fault."

·         LYRIC: “All I know is I gotta get away from me.”—Offspring: Gotta Get Away

·         SAY WHAT: TUBE ROW TACKED ANT SURF (to protect and serve)





                     MY HANDS

 “play into my hands”



If you want to walk down a path

And your brain is in need of a bath,

If thinking’s your game

Calculus is the name

Which is Greek for “confusing math.”


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

·         A man should be learned in several sciences, and should have a reasonable, philosophical and in some measure a mathematical head, to be a complete and excellent poet.—John Dryden (1631-1700)

·         It is not what we take up, but what we give up, that makes us rich.— Henry Ward Beecher

·         I just want people to accept me for who I pretend to be.

·         It's never good when my cat thinks outside the box.

·         I just past my English exam

·         Big shout-out to slugs! Those little guys are out there every day, doing all the same stuff as snails but without helmets.

·         WOD: Kef-n-A state of drowsy contentment

·         AWOD: Law of Heredity-n-All undesirable traits come from the other parent.

·         LYRIC: “If you can’t hold on, hold on.”—The Killers: All these things that I’ve done

·         SAY WHAT: MILE HIP CZARS HEALED (my lips are sealed)


P  P  P  P

A  A  A  A

N  N  N  N

C  C  C  C

A  A  A  A

K  K  K  K

E  E  E  E

S  S  S  S
















 “short stack”



School is not where I want to be

Homework’s not what I want to see

Although notes I pass

The time spent in class

Will forever approach infinity.


Monday, November 28, 2011

·         Many of the things you can count, don't count. Many of the things you can't count, really count.—Albert Einstein

·         It takes courage to grow up and turn out to be who you really are.—e.e. cummings

·         The neighbor just asked if I was stealing their Wi-Fi, and it felt like such an invasion of my piracy.

·         The pen is mightier than the sword and I'm generous. So if we ever duel, I'll let you have the pen.

·         The house is so quiet, I can hear myself think. Never mind, it's the toilet running.

·         It doesn't matter how often a married man changes jobs. He still ends up with the same boss.

·         WOD: Crepitate-v-to make a crackling sound; crackle

·         AWOD: Bubble Wrap-n-catnip for people.

·         LYRIC: “I heard you’d try anything twice.”—Morrissey: Let Me Kiss You

·         SAY WHAT: FOUR END HICK TATER (foreign dictator)




 “season finale”



In precal where I sit

My brain is no longer fit

I cannot pretend

I’m at my wit’s end

From trying to find a limit


Monday, December 05, 2011

·         Like the crest of a peacock so is mathematics at the head of all knowledge.—A. Non

·         In order to be effective truth must penetrate like an arrow—and that is likely to hurt.—Wei Wu Wei

·         I bought my brother some gift wrap for Christmas.  I took it to the gift wrap department and told them to wrap it, but in a different print so he would know when to stop unwrapping.—Steven Wright

·         When I was little, my grandfather one Christmas gave me a box of broken glass.  He gave my brother a box of Band-Aids, and said, “You two share.”—Steven Wright

·         The great thing about gingerbread men is that each one is a new chance to bite somebody's head off.

·         "Oh! Oh! Oh!" ~Dyslexic Santa

·         WOD: Chaffer-v-to bargain; haggle.

·         AWOD: Christmas-n-The time when everyone gets Santamental.

·         “Don’t shoot me Santa Clause.  I’ve been a clean living boy I promise you.”—The Killers

·         SAY WHAT: CHECK KNOTS ROAD STING GONE HAND OLD PEN FIGHTER (chestnuts roasting on an open fire)




 “overwhelming odds”



Two lessons were learned from the strife
That was faced by George Bailey and wife.
One: an angel earns wings
Every time a bell rings,
And then two: it's a wonderful life.


Wednesday, December 7, 2011

·         Sometimes it is useful to know how large your zero is.

·         He who has no Christmas in his heart will never find Christmas under a tree.—Roy L. Smith

·         Once again, we come to the Holiday Season, a deeply religious time that each of us observes, in his own way, by going to the mall of his choice.—Dave Barry

·         Nothing's as mean as giving a little child something useful for Christmas.—Kin Hubbard

·         Christmas makes me happy no matter what time of year it comes around.—Bryan White

·         That's the true spirit of Christmas; people being helped by people other than me.—Jerry Seinfel

·         WOD: Eleemosynary-adj-relating to charity; charitable.

·         AWOD: Christmas-n-the season when you buy this year's gifts with next year's money. 

·         LYRIC: Oh Pancho, Oh! Vixen, Oh! Pedro, Oh! Blitzen, Ole! Ole! Ole! cha cha cha.”—Guster: Donde Esta Santa Claus

·         SAY WHAT: FROGS TEETH THUS NOTE DEMAND (frosty the snowman)


the road

          - traveled

 “the road less traveled”



A blizzard blew in Christmas eve,

and just as St. Nick went to leave,

"That's great," Santa said,

"I'm off back to bed,

it's lucky I'm just make-believe!"


Monday, December 12, 2011

·         What a wonderful life I've had. I only wish I'd realized it sooner.—A. Non

·         People can't concentrate properly on blowing other people to pieces if their minds are poisoned by thoughts suitable to the twenty-fifth of December. –Ogden Nash

·         "Christmas and the New Year are actually two holidays. So there is a plural, which in the English language, necessitates the use of 's.' I suppose you could say 'Merry Christmas' and 'Happy New Year,' but you probably have stuff to do." –Jon Stewart, on Bill O'Reilly's objection to "Happy Holidays"

·         "Ever wonder what people got Jesus for Christmas? It's like, "Oh great, socks. You know I'm dying for your sins right? Yeah, but thanks for the socks! They'll go great with my sandals. What am I, German?"—Jim Gaffigan

·         Why is Christmas just like a day at the office?  You do all the work and the fat guy with the suit gets all the credit.

·         Aren't we forgetting the true meaning of Christmas? You know... the birth of Santa.—Bart Simpson

·         WOD: Quiddity-n- the essence or nature of a thing.

·         AWOD:  Christmas-n-a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet." 

·         LYRIC:  “On Christmas day you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to cheat him all the more The other three hundred and sixty-four”—Tom Lehrer

·         SAY WHAT: ACRE WRIST MASK HERALD (a Christmas carol)



 “short of breath”



A letter sent to the North pole.
An X Box three sixty the goal.
One thing he forgot..........
A good boy, he was not.
So his stocking was stuffed full of coal!


Thursday, December 15, 2011

·         To perceive Christmas through its wrappings becomes more difficult with every year— E. B. White

·         The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.'

·         Even before Christmas has said “Hello,” it's saying “Buy Buy”—Robert Paul

·         Christmas is weird. What other time of the year do you sit in front of a dead tree and eat candy out of your socks?

·         People are so worried about what they eat between Christmas and the New Year, but they really should be worried about what they eat between the New Year and Christmas.—A. Non

·         Did you ever notice that life seems to follow certain patterns? Like I noticed that every year around this time, I hear Christmas music.—Tom Sims

·         WOD: Embonpoint-n-the plumpness of a person; stoutness

·         AWOD: Christmas-n-a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

·         LYRIC: It's Christmas in Heaven There's great films on TV 'The sound of music' twice an hour And 'Jaws' I, II, and III.”—Christmas in Heaven: Monty Python

·         SAY WHAT: TWO ELF DATES SOFT GRITS MIST (twelve days of Christmas)


 “prone to injury”



Prancer was over the moon

The toy run would be over soon

That Vixen, the sinner,

Ate baked beans for dinner

And the others were starting to swoon.


Tuesday, January 3, 2012

·         He who breaks a resolution is a weakling; he who makes one is a fool.—F.M. Knowles

·         Hope you all enjoy this New Year's Eve, because come next December the ball that will be dropping on Times Square will be Mars.

·         All my New Year resolutions basically come down to "Try to be somebody else."

·         My New Year's resolution is for people to lose weight.

·         I hope my New Year's Resolution to only say nice things about people isn't misinterpreted as a vow of silence.

·         Ugh I'm still writing 2011 on all my checks. (Too soon?)

·         WOD: Novation-n-the introduction of something new; innovation.

·         AWOD: New Year's-n-a holiday created by calendar companies who don't want you reusing last year's calendar.

·         LYRIC: “The merry year is born, like the berry from the naked thorn.”—Hartley Coleridge

·         SAY WHAT: CHANT YOU AIR REVERSED (January first)


i Description: ANd9GcR4laI9s3P3-1JUdAUvLlkaXTsIedq0ceqMNVPuWTivf1-_5wx2

 “black eyed peas”



As the new year approaches, men swear

They will read all the works of Flaubert.

But soon, it’s “Hey, Mabel!

This channel on cable

Shows reruns of ‘Sonny and Cher’!”


Monday, January 16, 2012

·         The arithmetic of life does not always have a logical answer.—Inshirah Abdur-Rauf

·         It is amazing what you can accomplish if you do not care who gets the credit.—Harry Truman

·         Driving on so many turnpikes is taking its toll.

·         It appears someone invited a lot of old people to my high school reunion.

·         Meeting disappointment head-on. Or as I like to call it, waking up.

·         If you want to be a leader with a large following, just obey the speed limit on a winding, two-lane road.

·         WOD: Heterotelic-adj- Having the purpose of its existence or occurrence apart from itself.

·         AWOD: Jealousy-n-the art of counting someone else’s blessings instead of your own.

·         LYRIC: “All the anger and the eloquence are bleeding into fear.”—Counting Crows: Daylight Fading

·         SAY WHAT: YULE BIZARRE HE (you’ll be sorry)


 “act out of character”



A class where I’d like to be

Its title ending in BC
or with a prefix of pre

Even suffix AB

But it’s still really calculus-y


Friday, January 20, 2012

·         Most likely, logic is capable of justifying mathematics to no greater extent than biology is capable of justifying life.—Y. Manin

·         The longer you stay in one place, the greater your chance of disillusionment.— Art Spander

·         I'm a keeper. So don't give me anything you want back.

·         This Just In: Bees caught in sting operation.

·         Whatever you do, always give 100%. Unless you're donating blood. 

·         Some people are like clouds. Once they move on, it's a great day. 

·         WOD: Abrade-v-to wear away the surface or some part of by friction. 

·         AWOD: Leadership-n-making bold decisions even when you have no idea what anyone in the meeting is talking about.

·         LYRIC: “If loving me is work, I’m not a job to take.”—Blue October: Money Tree

·         SAY WHAT: HIVE COT YOURN UMBER (I’ve got your number)



 “gross injustice”



Although there’s a jump at this junction

I said with particular gumption

f(x) knows best.

passed the vertical test

meaning that it is a function


Friday, January 27, 2012

·         We must admit with humility that, while number is purely a product of our minds, space has a reality outside our minds, so that we cannot completely prescribe its properties a priori.—Gauss

·         The true measure of an individual is how he treats a person who can do him absolutely no good.—Ann Landers

·         I just can't seem to get a girlfriend even though I can speak two languages fluently: English and Klingon.

·         My exercise program consists of having a lot of stairs in my home and forgetting things.

·         How does it change many dyslexics to take a light-bulb?

·         "What's the point of going out? We're just going to wind up back here anyway.”—Homer Simpson

·         WOD: Blasé-adj- indifferent to or bored with life; unimpressed, or sated with pleasure.

·         AWOD:  Memory-n-what tells a man his wedding anniversary was yesterday.

·         LYRIC: “Too many rapids keep sweeping us along, too many captains keep on steering us wrong.”—Rush: Second Nature

·         SAY WHAT: WATTS FORD INNER (what’s for dinner?)



 “red letter day”



A certain young fellow named Bee-Bee

Wished to wed a woman named Phoebe.

“But,” he said, “I must see

What the clerical fee

Be before Phoebe be Phoebe Bee-Bee.


Tuesday, January 31, 2012

·         I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy.—John Adams

·         We read the world wrong and say that it deceives us.—Rabindranth Tagore

·         When my wife gets a little upset, sometimes a simple "calm down" in a soothing voice is all it takes to get her a lot upset.

·         Mirrors don't lie. Lucky for me, they can't laugh either.

·         To all of those people who said that I would never amount to anything, I can now truly say, "How did you know?".

·         I've started keeping two lists: "To do" and "Too late."

·         WOD: Abase-v-to lower in position, estimation, or the like; degrade

·         AWOD: Police-n-people who take Hide and Seek really seriously.

·         LYRIC: “It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate.  It takes guts to be gentle and kind.”—The Smiths: I Know It’s Over

·         SAY WHAT: WON HUNT DREAD HOLLERS (one hundred dollars)


 “there’s a lot of it going around”



There was a young man so benighted

He never knew when he was slighted;

He would go to a party

And eat just as hearty

As if he’d been really invited.


Wednesday, February 8, 2012

·         Hofstadter's Law: It always takes longer than you expect, even when you take into account Hofstadter's Law.—Douglas Hofstadter

·         Remember that everyone you meet is afraid of something, loves something, and has lost something.—H. Jackson Brown Jr.

·         Your call is very important to us. Please enjoy this 40 minute flute solo.

·         Apple pie isn't American unless you eat the whole thing in one sitting. 

·         If Microsoft Word has taught me anything it's that if I want to get a point across, I need to use bullets.

·         I'll worry about being replaced by a computer when they make one that grovels.

·         WOD: Grovel-v-to abase or demean oneself pathetically; to beg; to suck up to someone; to snivel; to flatter or fawn; to brown-nose.

·         AWOD: Life-n-mostly preparation followed by cancellation.

·         LYRIC: “No shame, no solution, no remorse, no retribution, just people selling t-shirts.”—Don Henley: The Garden Of Allah

·         SAY WHAT: FOYER APE ROOF HALL (for your approval)




 “the start of something big”




Friday, February 17, 2012

·         The mathematic, then, is an art. As such it has its styles and style periods.—Oswald Spangler

·         In times like these it helps to recall there have always been times like these.—Paul Harvey

·         Only a lack of imagination keeps me from immobilizing myself with imaginary fears.

·         The worst part of the server crashing is she was carrying my appetizer. 

·         According to my neighbor's journal, I have "boundary issues."

·         My wife would be a great success on the Parole Board. She never lets anyone finish a sentence.

·         WOD: Brusque-adj-somewhat rough or rude in manner or speech. 

·         AWOD: Evolution-n-nature's way of issuing upgrades.

·         LYRIC: “I do it for the love, do it for the rain.  I do it for the passion, do it for the pain.  I do it for the rush.  I do it for the doubt.  I do it for my daughter, man, she’s what I’m about.”—Blue October: For the Love

·         SAY WHAT: MOO VERSE SAN JAKE HEARSE (movers and shakers)


 “up and at ‘em”




Friday, February 24, 2012

·         I do hate sums. There is no greater mistake than to call arithmetic an exact science.—Mrs. La Touche

·         What may be done at any time will be done at no time.—Scottish Proverb

·         My neighbors have inspired me to take up a new hobby. . . building a moat.

·         Has anything happened since 2008? I've been looking down at my phone.

·         Just say NO to negativity.

·         I used to work as a trapeze artist. Until I was let go.

·         WOD: Defalcate-v-to cut off or take away, as a part of something. 

·         AWOD: Vuja De-n-the feeling you've never been here before.

·         LYRIC: “All the same we take our chances, laughed at by time, tricked by circumstances.”—Rush: Circumstances

·         SAY WHAT: FOYER INN FORM HAY SHUN (for your information)


 “looking out for number one”




Monday, March 19, 2012

·         The knowledge of which geometry aims is the knowledge of the eternal.—Plato  

·         It is never too late to be what you might have been.—George Eliot

·         You can tell a lot about a man by the color lipstick he wears.

·         It's easy to spot people who can't count to ten. They're in front of you in the supermarket express lane.

·         Sticks and stones can break my bones but words can never hurt me unless they are written on sticks and stones.

·         You can have brains or beauty but you can't have all three.

·         WOD: Hidebound-adj- narrow and rigid in opinion; inflexible

·         AWOD: Prejudices-n-what fools use for reason.—Voltaire

·         LYRIC: “And she doesn’t even like me, and I know because she said so.”—The Smiths: Girl Afraid

·         SAY WHAT: BED CHIRP AUTUMN DOLL HER (bet your bottom dollar)


 “forever and ever”




Thursday, March 29, 2012

·         The more I see of men, the better I like my dog.—Blaise Pascal

·         The dreamers are the saviors of the world.— James Allen

·         I've been waaaaaay too busy today. Now I can't remember if I lost my dog or if I found a dog leash.

·         An awkward moment is when a Zombie is looking for brains and it walks right past you.

·         All my friends keep telling me to never succumb to peer pressure. So I'm going to take their advice and not listen to them. 

·         I liked you when we first met, but now you've talked me out of it.

·         WOD: Polemical-adj-causing debate or argument.

·         AWOD: DNA-n-Association of National Dyslexics

·         LYRIC: “The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems.”—Billy Joel: Keeping The Faith

·         SAY WHAT: DOZEN MAY KENNY CENTS TOMB HE (doesn’t make any sense to me)


 “roger, over and out”




Wednesday, April 4, 2012

·         One can always reason with reason.—Heri Bergson

·         I have learned to be content in whatever circumstances I am in.—The Bible, Phillipians 4:11 (NASB)

·         Cogito ergo sum. I think therefore I am.  Cogito eggo sum. I think I ate all the waffles. 

·         My Life is like a game of chess. It's long, boring and I don't really know what I'm doing.

·         What doesn't kill me might make me kill you.

·         When vacationing at a public campground, a tuba placed on a picnic table will keep adjacent campsites empty.

·         WOD: Luxate-v- To put out of joint; dislocate.

·         AWOD: Recovery-adj-the type of rooms hospitals should have next to the cashier’s office.

·         LYRIC: “No flag or uniform ever stopped a bullet from a gun.”—Gary Moore: Out in the field

·         SAY WHAT: TOOT HENCE TWO RAY LACKS (too tense to relax) 


 “in the home stretch”



There once was an ape in a zoo

Who looked out through the bars and saw YOU!

Do you think it is fair

To give poor apes a scare?

I think it’s a mean thing to do!


Monday, April 16, 2012

·         Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it.  Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.—Howard Thurman

·         When I get a little money, I buy books and if any is left, I buy food and clothes.— Erasmus

·         Being popular on Twitter is like sitting at the cool table in the cafeteria at a mental hospital.

·         I put the o in illiterate.

·         You can lead a horse to water, but riding it's a lot faster.

·         I’ve had so much coffee this morning, I got halfway to work and realized I forgot my car.

·         WOD: Aperçu-n-a hasty glance or glimpse.

·         AWOD: Psychology-n-the art of pulling a habit out of a rat.

·         LYRIC: “An angry man can only get so far until he reconciles the way he thinks.”—Don Henley: My Thanksgiving

·         SAY WHAT: LOWERED HALF IMMERSE HE (lord, have mercy)


 “arch rivals”




Monday, April 30, 2012

·         A fraction of the population worries me, and that fraction is nine-tenths.

·         The only people with whom you should try to get even are those who have helped you.— John E. Southard

·         When a snake in the reef bites with two sets of teeth, that's a moray!

·         My wife gives me sound advice; 99% sound, 1% advice

·         Don’t confuse my personality with my attitude.  My personality is who I am, and my attitude depends on who you are.

·         Man is rated the “highest animal,” at least among those animals who returned the survey.

·         WOD: Aphotic-adj-lightless; dark

·         AWOD: Avalanche-n-what happens when all hill breaks loose.

·         LYRIC: “If I don’t love you, baby, grits ain’t groceries, eggs ain’t poultry, and Mona Lisa was a man.”—John Mayall

·         SAY WHAT: HIT SEWN LIMO ROUGH THUS AIM (it’s only more of the same)


 “the truth lies somewhere in between”



There was a dear lady of Eden,

Who on apples was quite fond of feedin’;

She gave one to Adam,

Who said, “Thank you, Madam,”

“Is it yours or God’s advice I am heedin’?”