2013-2014 school year
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
· I had a polynomial once. My doctor removed it.― Michael Grant, Gone
· The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant. We have created a society that honors the servant and has forgotten the gift.—Albert Einstein
· The best way to avoid parking tickets is to remove your windshield wipers.
· In order to catch a bus, first one must think like a bus.
· I used to be afraid of the dark. Now I'm terrified of the electricity bill.
· There should be a children's song "If you're happy and you know it, keep it to yourself and let your Dad sleep."
· WOD: Parlance-n- a way or manner of speaking; vernacular; idiom:
· AWOD: Character-n-what you do on the third and fourth tries.—James A. Michener
· LYRIC: "Burn the bridge behind you! Leave no retreat! There's only one way home!"—Manowar: Heart of Steel
· SAY WHAT: WHALE LODGE US DAWN KIT HIT (well I just don’t get it)
“I’m in a big rush”
An electron is sure hard to please.
When spread out, it sometimes will freeze.
It's still claustrophobic,
And runs off when put in a squeeze.
Monday, September 9, 2013
· In the new math approach, the important thing is to understand what you’re doing, rather than to get the right answer.—Tom Lehrer
· Failure keeps you humble, success keeps you glowing, but only faith keeps you going.
· I'll complain about the government invading my privacy after I tell you where I am on Facebook and posting what I'm eating on Instagram.
· Girlfriend: Ok you hang up :-) Boyfriend: No You hang up first :-) Girlfriend: no you first Boyfriend: No you first NSA:
both of you hang up
· I finally found a diet plan that works. It's called 'The Cost of Food'.
· This new thesaurus isn't just terrible. It's also terrible.
· WOD: Coruscate-v- to emit vivid flashes of light; sparkle; scintillate; gleam, like a military uniform
· AWOD: Dryer Lint-n-the cremated remains of all the missing socks.
· LYRIC: “And if this isn't making sense, well it doesn't make it lies."—Soundgarden: Superunknown
· SAY WHAT: DEAD DEBT CRAWL SHORE MINE (did it cross your mind)
“on the road to recovery”
When we physicists talk about quarks,
And "sleptons," "sneutronos," and "squarks,"
We shouldn't be stunned
When the Congress won't fund
Our big projects - they think that we're dorks!
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
· Relationships are a lot like algebra... Ever looked at your X and wondered Y?
· Neither in the life of the individual nor in that of mankind is it desirable to know the future.—Jakob Burckhardt
· Business idea: a home surgery kit called Suture Self
· It is truly easier to forgive your enemies than figure out how to limit their access to your Facebook page.
· Every time you reply to a text from your ex, Taylor Swift completes another album. Don't be an enabler. Drop the phone.
· Another World's Oldest Man has died. This is beginning to look suspicious.
· WOD: Dyspeptic-adj- gloomy, pessimistic, and irritable.
· AWOD: Hallucination-n-Vision without execution —Thomas Edison
· LYRIC: “There is a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in.”—Leonard Cohen: Anthem
· SAY WHAT: ANY LACK TRICKED BULL HANK HIT (an electric blanket)
The limerick is furtive and mean;
You must keep her in close quarantine,
Or she sneaks to the slums,
And promptly becomes,
Disorderly, drunk and obscene
Monday, September 30, 2013
· Mathematics is the door and key to the sciences.—Roger Bacon
· It is a characteristic of wisdom not to do desperate things.—Henry David Thoreau
· I just wish pictures and mirrors could agree on what I actually look like.
· One day I'll look up from my phone and realize my kids put me in a nursing home.
· I broke up with my gym. We were just not working out.
· Unless you fell off the treadmill and smashed your face, nobody wants to hear about your workout.
· WOD: Endemic-adj-natural to or characteristic of a specific people or place; native; indigenous:
· AWOD: Failure-n-the opportunity to begin again more intelligently.—Henry Ford
· LYRIC: "Tears fall but why am I crying? After all, I'm not afraid of dying"—Hallowed be Thy Name, by Iron Maiden
· SAY WHAT: BEYOND NEST WIT CHORES ELF (be honest with yourself)
SHE’S HER TIME
“she’s ahead of her time”
He thought that his bike had expired.
When it fell down again he inquired,
"Why won't it stay standing?
Oh why? I'm demanding!"
I answered, "Because it's two-tired."
Friday, October 4, 2013
· One can always reason with reason.—Heri Bergson
· One of the greatest victories you can gain over someone is to beat him at politeness.—Josh Billings
· If you worry that you aren't creative enough, buy a gym membership and see how many excuses you find not to use it.
· I wish conversations were like user agreements where I could skip to the end and just agree.
· I wish some of my co-workers weren't allowed in the break room... Because that's who I usually need a break from.
· If a tree falls in the woods it should break into a light jog so it looks like it did it on purpose.
· WOD: Lissome-adj-suppleness and flexibility of of body; agile, nimble, or active.
· AWOD: Psychiatry-n-the art of teaching people how to stand on their own feet while reclining on couches.—Sigmund Freud
· LYRIC: "I've grown tired of chasing convinced I was in need"—As I Lay Dying: I Never Wanted
· SAY WHAT: BIGGER SCANT BEACH HOOSIERS (beggars can’t be choosers)
“baby back ribs”
Kid’s names are at times quite well suited.
But I do wish that mine had been muted.
All those years in between,
‘Til my age reached thirteen,
I'd thought that my own was, "Hey Stupid".
Wednesday, October 9, 2013
· My special pleasure in mathematics rested particularly on its purely speculative part.—Bernhard Bolzano
· Pride, like humility, is destroyed by one’s insistence that he possesses it.—Kenneth Bancroft Clark
· 911 what's your emergency? -People are pronouncing it EX-presso.
· It isn't a successful BBQ until some idiot walks face first into a closed sliding glass door. I'm fine, by the way.
· Instagram down?! What am I supposed to do with my cat? Pet it?
· Hey, geese crossing the road!! YOU CAN FLY!
· WOD: Obverse-n-the front or principal surface of anything.
· AWOD: Cats-n-fuzzy plants that hate you.
· LYRIC: "So If you wanna love me then darling don’t refrain or I’ll just end up walking in the cold November rain"—Guns N Roses: November Rain
· SAY WHAT: ASH HOLD HURT HOOK RYE YAWN (a shoulder to cry on)
“100 meter back stroke”
A noted tree surgeon named Fogg,
Developed a tree that could jog.
But the tree, fully grown,
Had a mind of its own,
So it ran out and peed on a dog.