Miscellaneous Oxymora Quotations

The following are phrases and various quotes which appear to be oxymoronic.

• A little pain never hurt anyone.
• “A unified, neutral Germany? Given that nation’s heritage, such a phrase may prove to be the oxymoron of the decade.” -Kevin M. Matarese, Fulda, West Germany; as seen in “Letters”, Time magazine, p. 5, March 5, 1990.
• A verbal contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on. Include me out. -Samuel Goldwyn
• Christ was born in 4 B.C.
• Cum tacent, clamant. When they are silent, they shout. -Cicero
• Gentlemen, I want you to know that I am not always right, but I am never wrong. -Samuel Goldwyn
• Goes (Went) over like a lead balloon.
• Honk if you are against noise pollution!
• I’ll give you a definite maybe. -Samuel Goldwyn
• I’m not going to say, “I told you so.”
• I am a deeply superficial person. -Andy Warhol
• I’m proud of my humility.
• I can resist everything but temptation. -Mark Twain
• If Roosevelt were alive, he’d turn over in his grave. -Samuel Goldwyn
• If I could drop dead right now, I’d be the happiest man alive! -Samuel Goldwyn
• If you fall and break your legs, don’t come running to me. -Samuel Goldwyn
• I never put on a pair of shoes until I’ve worn them five years. -Samuel Goldwyn
• It isn’t an optical illusion. It just looks like one.
• It’s more than magnificent-it’s mediocre. -Samuel Goldwyn
• May I ask a question?
• No one goes to that restaurant anymore-it’s always too crowded. (attributed to Yogi Berra)
• Our comedies are not to be laughed at. -Samuel Goldwyn
• Parting is such sweet sorrow. -William Shakespeare
• Procrastination means never having to say you’re sorry.
• “Professional certification for car people may sound like an oxymoron.” -The Wall Street Journal, page B1, Tuesday, July 17, 1990.
• Referring to a book: I read part of it all the way through. -Samuel Goldwyn
• Smoking is the leading cause of statistics.
• Some bachelors want a meaningful overnight relationship.
• Talking about a piece of movie dialogue: Let’s have some new cliches. -Samuel Goldwyn
• The scene is dull. Tell him to put more life into his dying. -Samuel Goldwyn
• Thank God I’m an atheist.
• This report is filled with omissions.
• We are not anticipating any emergencies.
• We’re overpaying him, but he’s worth it. -Samuel Goldwyn
• His honour rooted in dishonour stood,
  And faith unfaithful kept him falsely true.
  -Alfred Lord Tennyson
• The good oxymoron, to define it by a self-illustration, must be a planned inadvertency. -Wilson Follett
• An Irishman is never at peace except when he’s fighting.
• I marvel at the strength of human weakness.
• Always be sincere, even when you don’t mean it. -Irene Peter
• Live within your income, even if you have to borrow to do so. -Josh Billings
• Of course I can keep secrets. It’s the people I tell them to that can’t keep them. -Anthony Haden-Guest
• The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep. -W.C. Fields
• I distinctly remember forgetting that. -Clara Barton
• We must believe in free will. We have no choice. -Isaac B. Singer
• I’d give my right arm to be ambidextrous.
• Monotheism is a gift from the gods.
• After they got rid of capital punishment, they had to hang twice as many people as before.
• I never liked you, and I always will. -Samuel Goldwyn
• Why don’t you pair ‘em up in threes? -Yogi Berra
• Our similarities are different. -Dale Berra, son of Yogi
• After Donald Trump’s stretch limousine was stolen and found undamaged a few blocks away; he said, “Nothing was stolen. I had an honest thief.”-International Herald Tribune, page 3, March 2, 1992
• Some bird populations soaring down -Headline of an article in Science News, page 126, February 20, 1993.
• Most bacteria have the decency to be microscopic. Epulopiscium fishelsoni is not among them. The newly identified one-celled macro-microorganism is a full .5 mm long, large enough to be seen with the naked eye. Described in the current Nature, “It is a million times as massive as a typical bacterium.”-Time, page 25, March 29, 1993
• “Triumph without Victory, The Unreported History of the Persian Gulf War”, -Headline published in the U.S. News & World Report, 1992.
• An empty cab drove up and Sarah Bernhardt got out. -Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist
• She used to diet on any kind of food she could lay her hands on. -Arthur Baer, American comic and columnist
• The first condition of immortality is death. -Stanislaw Lec
• As famous as the unknown soldier.
• I must follow the people. Am I not their leader? -Benjamin Disraeli
• Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. -George Bernard Shaw
• William Safire’s rules for writing as seen in the New York Times

  Do not put statements in the negative form.
  And don’t start sentences with a conjunction.
  If you reread your work, you will find on rereading that a great deal of repetition can be avoided by rereading and editing.
  Never use a long word when a diminutive one will do.
  Unqualified superlatives are the worst of all.
  If any word is improper at the end of a sentence, a linking verb is.
  Avoid trendy locutions that sound flaky.
  Never, ever use repetitive redundancies.
  Also, avoid awkward or affected alliteration.
  Last, but not least, avoid cliche’s like the plague.
  

• Everyone writes on the walls except me. -Said to be graffiti seen in Pompeii
• I tripped over a hole that was sticking up out of the ground.
• I don’t think anyone should write their autobiography until after they're dead. -Samuel Goldwyn
• This page intentionally left blank.
• Evil isn’t all bad.
• I disagree with unanimity.
• “It’s a step forward although there was no progress.”
  President Hosni Murbarak of Egypt attempting to put the best face on a disappointing summit meeting between President Clinton and the Syrian dictator Hafez Assad.
• “I always avoid prophesying beforehand because it is much better to prophesy after the event has already taken place. ” - Winston Churchill
• Always avoid alliteration.
• Anyone who goes to a psychiatrist ought to have his head examined. -Samuel Goldwyn
• Census says rich have most of the money. -news item
• Cliches are a dime a dozen -- avoid them like the plague.
• Cure suggestibility with hypnosis.
• Fish and chips with French fries. -Seen somewhere in the U.S.
• Football is an incredible game. Sometimes it??s so incredible, it??s unbelievable. -Tom Landry
• Half the lies our opponents tell about us are not true.
• He lived his life to the end.
• I never make predictions, especially about the future. -Attributed to Samuel Goldwyn
• I used to be an agnostic, but now I??m not so sure.
• I used to be indecisive, now I??m not sure.
• If we do not succeed, we run the risk of failure. -attributed to former Vice-President Dan Quayle
• In the city today, the temperature rose to 105 degrees. This sudden rise of temperature was responsible for the intolerable heat.
• Is that a mirage or am I seeing things?
• It??s bad luck to be superstitious.
• It??s deja vu all over again. -Yogi Berra
• I??ve told you a million times, ??Don??t exaggerate!?
• Lead-lined coffins called a health risk.
• Perspective is in the eye of the beholder.
• Smoking can kill you, and if you??ve been killed, you??ve lost a very important part of your life. -Brooke Shields
• Some people are superficial but that??s just on the surface.
• The world is apathetic but I don??t care.
• Trapped, like a trap in a trap. -Dorothy Parker
• Treachery will often bring loyalty into question.
• When large numbers of men are unable to find work, unemployment results. -Calvin Coolidge

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