2002-2003 school year

October 1, 2002

The numbers are a catalyst that can help turn raving madmen into polite humans. –Phillip Davis

A brain is as strong as its weakest link.

A man in love is incomplete until he has married.  Then he is finished.

The father of the bride should realize he isn’t losing a daughter, but gaining a bathroom.

If you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall

ESCHEW OBFUSCATION

WOD: Obfuscation-n-something that is vague, confusing, or unclear.

AWOD: Positive-adj.-mistaken at the top of one’s voice

October 3, 2002

One of the endlessly alluring aspects of mathematics is that its thorniest paradoxes have a way of blooming into beautiful theories.  –Phillip Davis

If I have seen farther than others, it is because I was standing on the shoulders of giants.  –Newton

If I have not seen as far as others, it is because giants were standing on my shoulders. -- Hal Abelson, MIT

One man’s wage rise is another man’s price increase.

A little inaccuracy saves a world of explanation. –C.E. Ares

Laugh, and the world laughs with you.  Snore and you sleep alone. –Anthony Burgess

WOD: Moiety-n- An indefinite part; a small portion or share

AWOD:  Bargain-n-something you don’t need at a price you cannot refuse

October 7, 2002

·         It is said that WWI was the chemists’ war and WWII was the physicists’ war.  WWIII (may it never come) will be the mathematicians’ war. –Davis and Reuben Hersh

·         The eyes only see what the mind is prepared to comprehend. –Henri Bergson

·         You never saw a fish on the wall with its mouth shut. –Sally Berge

·         $100 placed at 7% interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will increase to more than $100,000,000, by which time it will be worth nothing. –Lazarus Long

·         Nothing arouses more hope than the first four hours of a diet.

·         If I’m not back in five minutes, wait longer. –Ace Ventura, pet detective

·         WOD:  Inchoate-adj-rudimentary, basic, fundamental

·         AWOD: Puritanism-n-the haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

October 9, 2002

Mathematics is the only instructional material that can be presented in an entirely undogmatic way.—Max Dehn

The difference between a successful person and others is not lack of strength or knowledge, but a lack in will.—Vince Lombardi

ALL GENERAL STATEMENTS ARE FALSE (including this one)

5/4 of all people are bad with fractions.

GIVE ME AMBIGUITY!! OR GIVE ME SOMETHING ELSE!!

ERROR: www.Breakfast.com halted. Cereal port not responding.

WOD: Accede-v-to give one’s consent, to give in or concede.

AWOD: Psychiatry-n-The care of the Id by the odd.

October 11, 2002

·         Begin at the beginning and go on until you come to the end.—Charles Dodgson (Lewis Carroll)

·         Misquotations are the only quotations that are ever misquoted.—Hesketh Pearson (I think)

·         If you’re going through hell, keep going.—Winston Churchill

·         I wrote a song about dental floss, but did anyone’s teeth get cleaner?—Frank Zappa, commenting on Parental Warning Labels

·         KANSAS:  THE FIRST OF THE RECTANGLE STATES!

·         The other night, I dreamed that I was a muffler.  I woke up exhausted.—Steven Wright

·         WOD: Ineffable-adj-indescribable, unspeakable, unutterable, taboo

·         AWOD: Cynic-n-a man who knows the price of everything and the value of nothing

October 15, 2002

You’ll come to learn a great deal if you study the insignificant in depth.—Odysseus Elytis

The essence of learning is change, behavioral changes in people.  To learn, a person must want to change, to be better, to do differently, and this resistance does not occur without resistance.—Lloyd Cook

You can lead a boy to college, but you can’t make him think.

The more you reason, the less you create.—Raymond Chandler

HELP STARVE A FEEDING BUREAUCRAT

Women like quiet men.  They think they are listening.—Marcel Archard

For a good prime, call 1-800-333-0923

WOD:  Repose-v-to empower with trust and confidence.

AWOD: Cuisine-n-like normal food, but smaller portions at higher prices.

October 17, 200

·         I was  years old in the year .—DeMorgan, when asked his age.

·         Greatness is hard to recognize up close.  The great mountain on the horizon is only the ground when you’re standing on it.

·         Knowledge is the piling up of facts.  Wisdom lies in their simplification.

·         ASK ME ABOUT MY VOW OF SILENCE.

·         Found on Amish bumper sticker:  CAUTION, Don’t Step In Exhaust.

·         If you never fail, you’re not trying hard enough.

·         WOD: Rapscallion-n-a rascal, scamp, or worthless scoundrel.

·         AWOD: Compromise-n-the art of dividing up a cake in such a way that each person thinks he has the biggest piece.

October 21, 2002

·         As for everything else, so for mathematical theory: beauty can be perceived but not explained.—Arthur Cayley

·         Always do right; this will gratify some and astonish the rest.—Mark Twain

·         Failure is not an option.  It is a privilege reserved only for those who try.

·         Nails are much better fasteners than screws, if both are applied with a hammer.

·         Contrary to popular belief, the plural of ‘anecdote’ is not ‘fact.’

·         Me Ambivalent?  Well, Yes and No.

·         WOD: Billingsgate-n-coarsely abusive, profane language

·         AWOD: Modesty-n-the art of increasing your charm while pretending to be unaware of it.

October 23, 2002

·         Each problem that I solved became a rule which served afterwards to solve other problems.—Descartes

·         I am only an average man, but, by George, I work harder at it than the average man.—Teddy Roosevelt

·         If I had some ham, I could have some ham and eggs, if I had some eggs.

·         The other day I went to a tourist information booth and said, “Tell me about some of the people who visited here last year.”—Emo Phillips

·         Ending a sentence with a preposition is something up with which I will not put.—Winston Churchill

·         Whenever I thing of the past, it brings back so many memories.

·         WOD: Solicitude-n-the cause of concern or anxiety

·         AWOD: Vegetarian-n-Native American term for ‘lousy hunter.’

October 25, 2002

·         When writing about transcendental issues, be transcendentally clear.—Descartes

·         Success is not the result of spontaneous combustion. You must set yourself on fire.—Reggie Leach

·         Time exists so everything doesn’t happen at once. Space exists so everything doesn’t happen to you.

·         THE WORLD IS COMING TO AN END.  PLEASE RETURN YOUR LIBRARY BOOKS.

·          355/113-Not the famous irrational number, Pi, but an incredible simulation

·         Serving coffee on aircraft causes turbulence.

·         WOD: Hubris-n-overbearing pride or presumption, usually leading to a downfall

·         AWOD: Boy-n-A noise with dirt on it.

October 29, 2002

·         Q: What do you get when you divide the circumference of a jack-o-lantern by its diameter?  A: Pumpkin Pi

·          If a man harbors any sort of fear, it makes him landlord to a ghost. --Lloyd Douglas

·         Double, double toil and trouble; Fire burn and cauldron bubble.-- Macbeth William Shakespeare

·         At first cock-crow the ghosts must go
Back to their quiet graves below.--Theodosia Garrison

·         I was working in the lab, late one night.
When my eyes beheld an eerie sight,
When my monster from the slab began to rise
And suddenly to my surprise.
He did the Mash.....

·         Listen! The wind is rising, and the air is wild with leaves,
We have had our summer evenings, now for October eves!-- Hambert Wolfe

·         WOD: Eldritch-adj-Strange; unearthly; weird; eerie.

·         AWOD: Grandmother-n-a person who pretends she doesn’t know who you are on Halloween.

October 31,2002

·         I hope that posterity will judge me kindly, not only as to the things which I have explained, but also to those which I have intentionally omitted so as to leave to others the pleasure of discovery.—Descartes

·         Anybody with money to burn will easily find someone to tend the fire.\

·         A real patriot is the fellow who gets a parking ticket and rejoices that the system works.

·         Got Mole problems?  Call Dr. Avogadro’s Dermatology office at 333-6.02x10^23

·         I don’t like spinach, and I’m glad I don’t, because if I liked it, I’d eat it, and I just hate it.—Clarence Darrow

·         Your Lucky number is 35526649586749281.  Watch for it everywhere.

·         WOD: Popinjay-n-a vain and talkative person.

·         AWOD: Fairy Tale-n-A horror story to prepare children for the newspapers.

November 4, 2002

·         It isn’t that they cannot see the solution.  It is that they cannot see the problem.—GK Chesterton

·         Nothing is easy to the unwilling.—Thomas Fuller

·         Insanity is hereditary; you get it from your kids.—Sam Levenson

·         A man gazing at the stars is proverbially at the mercy of the puddles in the road.—Alexander Smith

·         Save Time . . . See it my way.

·         I like work.  I can sit and watch it for hours.

·         WOD: Raconteur-n-One who tells stories with skill and wit.

·         AWOD: Suburbia-n-Where developers bulldoze trees then name the streets after them.—Bill Vaughn

November 6, 2002

·         The measure of our intellectual capacity is the capacity to feel less and less satisfied with our answers to better and better problems.—CW Churchmann

·         Behold the turtle!  He makes progress only when he sticks his neck out.—James Bryant Conant

·         If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.—Johnny Carson

·         Today’s Subliminal message:

·         Be Alert!!  The world needs more lerts.

·         A dollar saved is a quarter earned.—John Ciardi

·         WOD: Poltroonish-adj-Resembling a poltroon; cowardly.

·         AWOD:  Opera-n-A play in which  the villain, when stabbed in the back, instead of bleeding, sings

November 8, 2002

·         To speak algebraically, Mr. M is execrable, but Mr. G is (x + 1)ecrable.—Poe, discussing fellow writers Matthews and Channing

·         I’m not a very good speller myself, but the first rule of spelling is that there is only one z in “is.”—George Kaufman

·         The trouble with her is that she lacks the power of conversation, but not the power of speech.—George Bernard Shaw

·         I don’t care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as a member.—Groucho Marx

·         There’s less here than meets the eye.—Tallulah Bankhead on a Maeterlinck play

·         He is not only dull himself, but the cause of dullness in others.—Samuel Johnson

·         WOD: Curmudgeon-n-a crusty, ill-tempered, churlish old man –or- anyone who hates hypocrisy and pretense and has the temerity to say so.

·         AWOD:  Journalist-n-A writer with no ideas and the ability to express them.—Karl Krauss

November 12, 2002

·         Mencken’s Law:  Whenever A annoys or injures B on the pretense of saving or improving X, A is a scoundrel.—HL Mencken

·         There is luxury in self-reproach.  When we blame ourselves, we feel no one else has a right to blame us.—Oscar Wilde

·         An oral contract isn’t worth the paper it’s written on.—Samuel Goldwyn

·         A woman without a man is like a fish without a bicycle.—Gloria Steinem

·         The dubious privilege of a freelance writer is he’s given the freedom to starve anywhere.—SJ Perelman

·         Television is very educational.  The minute someone turns it on, I go to my library and read a good book.—Groucho Marx

·         WOD: Supercilious-adj-feeling or showing haughty disdain.

·         AWOD: Television-n-a medium, so called because it is neither rare nor well-done.—Ernie Kovacs

November 14, 2002

·         There are three kinds of lies: lies, damned lies, and statistics.—Benjamin Disraeli

·         Your Attitude, more than your Aptitude, determines your Altitude.—Zig Ziglar

·         My inferiority complex is not as good as yours.

·         It is bad luck to believe in superstition.

·         Fish is the only food that is considered spoiled once it smells like what it is. --P. J. O'Rourke

·         After all is said and done, more is said than done.--Aesop

·         WOD:  Unctuous-adj-exaggerated, insincere earnestness

·         AWOD: Real-time-n-Here and now, as opposed to fake time, which only occurs there and then.

November 18, 2002

·         Everything should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler.—Einstein

·         Life is like riding a bicycle. To keep your balance you must keep moving.

·         Quidquidne latine dictum sit, altum viditur.  (Id est, Whatever is said in Latin sounds profound.)

·         Love means nothing to a tennis player.

·         I ran three miles today, finally I said "lady take your purse." -- Emo Phillips

·         If people don’t want to come out to the games, nobody’s gonna stop them.—Yogi Berra

·         WOD: Nefarious-adj-infamous by way of being extremely wicked

·         AWOD:  Confidence-n-the feeling you have before you fully understand the situation

November 20, 2002

·         If A equals success, then the formula is: A = X + Y + Z, X is work. Y is play. Z is keep your mouth shut.—Einstein

·         Problems cannot be solved at the same level of awareness that created them.—Bertrand Russell

·         Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to the end of a long stick.—Jack Handy

·         Knowledge is often mistaken for intelligence. This is like mistaking a cup of milk for a cow.

·         Watch out.  I know Karate, Kung Fu, and 47 other dangerous words.

·         Welcome to the The Department of Redundancy Department

·         WOD: Sangfroid-n- Freedom from agitation or excitement of mind; coolness in trying circumstances; calmness.

·         AWOD:  Flashlight-n-a case for holding dead batteries

November 22, 2002

• Golf scores are directly proportional to the number of witnesses.
• All lies and jest; still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.—Simon & Garfunkel, The Boxer
• At the end of the money, I always have some month left.
• I am currently writing an unauthorized autobiography.
• I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.
• "There. There," said the marquis de Carabas, awkwardly, patting her shoulder. And he added, for good measure, "There." He did not comfort well.—Steven K. Brust
• WOD: Peccadillo-n- A slight offense; a petty fault.
• AWOD:  Dime-n-a dollar with all the taxes taken out

November 26, 2002

·         Poof is the idol before whom the pure mathematician tortures himself.—Sir Arthur Eddington

·         Out of intense complexities, intense simplicities emerge.—Winston Churchill

·         Never speak more clearly than you think.—Jeremy Berstein

·         If you can read this, you’ve just wasted your time reading this sentence.  If you can read this, you’ve just wasted your time on reading the sentence twice.

·         In just two days, tomorrow will be yesterday.

·         When it comes to thought, some people stop at nothing.

·         WOD: Philomath-n-a lover of learning;  a scholar

·         AWOD: Dermatologist-n-a doctor who always starts his business from scratch.

December 3, 2002

• The 1997 Nobel Prize winning Black-Scholes formula for Economics for predicting stock performance.

                where C, S, N, ln,  and K = things you don’t understand

                and r, ,t, and e = things you don’t want to know

·         What we hope to do with ease, we must learn first to do with diligence.—Samuel Johnson

·         There was a boy called Eustace Clarence Scrubb, and he almost deserved it—C.S. Lewis, Chronicles of Narnia

·         100% pure yarn—seen on a sweater tag

·         You can observe a lot just by watching.—Yogi Berra

·         You know what I hate?  Indian givers. . . no, I take that back.—Emo Phillips

·         WOD: Polymath-n-a person of great of varied learning.

·         AWOD: Dam-n-what the fish said when he hit a concrete wall.

·         Lyric:  “All lies and jest, still, a man hears what he wants to hear and disregards the rest.” - Simon and Garfunkel: The Boxer

December 5, 2002

·         I think of lotteries as a tax on the mathematically challenged.—Roger Jones

·         Life leaps like a geyser for those willing to drill through the rock of inertia. — Alexis Carrel

·         The towels were so thick at that hotel I could hardly close my suitcase. — Yogi Berra

·         Yesterday upon the stair I met a man who wasn't there. He wasn't there again today; I think he's from the CIA. —A. Non

·         Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia.—A. Non

·         I cried because I had no money until I saw a man that had no sense. — Jackson T. Cassady

·         WOD: Circumlocution-n- an indirect way of expressing something

·         AWOD: Graphing Calculator-n-a very powerful, relatively inexpensive,  handheld computing devise used frequently in upper-level mathematics classes to play games on—Korpi

·         Lyric:  “Now it’s over, I’m dead, and I haven’t done anything that I want. Or I’m still alive and there’s nothing I want to do.”—They Might Be Giants: Dead

December 9, 2002

·         A mathematician is a blind man in a dark room looking for a black cat which isn't there.—Charles R. Darwin

·         The problem is not the problem; the problem is your attitude about the problem.—A. Non

·         The human brain starts working the moment you are born and never stops until you stand up to speak in public.

·         I don’t want any outstanding controversies with that guy tainting my bribe with him.—David Letterman, 12/4/02

·         I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into the soul of the boy next to me. — Woody Allen

·         I say that if Lincoln were alive today, he would turn over in his grave. — President Gerald R. Ford

·         WOD:  Bloviate-v-to give speeches in an excessive, pompous, or boastful manner.

·         AWOD: Dependent Variable-n-an erratic, unemployed teenager

·         Lyric:  “Don't ask me what I think of you, I might not give the answer that you want me to.”—Fleetwood Mac: Oh Well

December 11, 2002

·         As long as algebra is taught in school, there will be prayer in school. –Cokie Roberts

·         Blessed is he who has learned to laugh at himself for he shall never cease to be entertained. — John Powell

·         If you water it and it dies, it's a plant. If you pull it out and it grows back, it's a weed.— Gallagher

·         When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

·         This score just in:  Deep Space 9, Babylon 5

·         Godzilla Wins! . . .Wait a second . . . it looks like Barney’s getting back up.

·         WOD:  Orotund-adj-pompous or bombastic

·         AWOD:  Acquaintance-n-A person whom we know well enough to borrow from, but not well enough to lend to.—Ambrose Bierce.

·         Lyric:  “Fear is the lock and laughter the key to your heart.” - Crosby, Stills, and Nash, Suite: Judy Blue Eyes

December 13, 2002

·         Mathematicians don't crack jokes, they crack codes. –Tony Follari

·         Charity is injurious unless it helps the recipient to become independent of it—J.D. Rockefeller

·         I haven’t spoken to my wife in 18 months.  I don’t like to interrupt her.—Henny Youngman

·         Computers make very fast, very accurate mistakes.

·         It is wonderful to be here in the great state of Chicago.—Dan Quayle

·         I dated this girl for two years, then the nagging started, “I want to know your name.”—Emo Phillips

·         WOD:  Pleonasm-n-the use of more words than are necessary to express an idea.

·         AWOD:  Intelligent Ignorance-n-successfully doing something impossible, because you simply did not know that it could not be done.

·         Lyric: “Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose. Nothing ain't nothing, but it's free.” - Kris Kristofferson: Me And Bobby McGee

December 17, 2002

·         The only way to achieve any accuracy is to ignore most of the information available.—Preston C. Hammer

·         What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.—William Morrow

·         Attention to health is life’s greatest hindrance—Plato (427-347?BC)

·         Plato was a bore—Friedrich Nietzsche (1844-1900)

·         Nietzsche was stupid and abnormal—Leo Tolstoy (1828-1910)

·         I’m not going to get into the ring with Tolstoy—Ernest Hemingway (1889-1961)

·         Hemingway was a jerk—Plato the elder

·         WOD:  Jingoism-n-belligerent support of one’s country, chauvinism, superpatriotism

·         AWOD:  Psychiatrist-n-an doctor who asks a lot of expensive question your wife asks you for nothing.

·         Lyric: “I was born with a plastic spoon in my mouth.”—The Who, Substitute

December 19, 2002

·         Christmas waves a magic wand over the world, and behold, everything is softer and more beautiful.--Norman Vincent Peale

·         I stopped believing in Santa at age six when my mother took me to see him at a department store, and he asked for my autograph.--Shirley Temple

·         I once bought my kids a set of batteries for Christmas with a note that read, "Toys not included."--Bernard Manning

·         Christmas begins about the first of December with an office party and ends when you finally realize what you spent, around April 15th of the next year.--P.J. O'Rourke

·         Santa Claus has the right idea.  Visit people once a year.--Victor Borge

·         WOD:  Tintinnabulation-n-a tinkling sound, as of a bell or bells

·         AWOD: Claustrophobia-n-the fear of Santa Claus getting stuck in the chimney

·         Lyric:  “We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas, We wish you a Merry Christmas, and a Happy New Year.”

January 7, 2003

·         Mathematics is the art of giving the same name to different things. –Henri Poincare

·         All truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted   as being self-evident.-- Arthur Schopenhauer

·         A man who claims to be the boss in his own home will lie about other things as well.

·         WARNING:  Dates on calendar are closer than they appear.

·         I always wanted to be somebody, but I should have been more specific.—Lily Tomlin

·         With a rubber duck, one is never alone.—Douglas Adams, Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy

·         WOD: Irrefragable-adj- Impossible to refute; incontestable; undeniable

·         AWOD:  Coward-n-One who in a perilous emergency thinks with his legs.—Ambrose Bierce

·         Lyric:  “If we weren't all crazy we would go insane.”—Jimmy Buffett, Changes In Latitudes: Changes In Attitudes

January 9, 2003

·         Mermaid mathematicians wear Algae-bras

·         To know a truth well, one must have fought it out. –Novalis

·         A clean desk is the sign of a cluttered desk drawer.

·         People who live in glass houses shouldn't throw parties.

·         "Doctor, my leg hurts.  What can I do?"  The doctor says, "Limp."--Henny Youngman

·         I am so broke, I can't even pay attention.

·         The illegal we can do immediately.  The unconstitutional takes a bit longer.--Henry Kissinger

·         WOD:  Antipathy-n-extreme dislike; animosity; hostility

·         AWOD: Cloning-v-the sincerest form of flattery

·         Lyric: "They took all the trees and put them in a tree museum, and they charged the people a dollar and a half to see them.  They paved paradise and put up a parking lot."  Joni Mitchell: Big Yellow Taxi

January 13, 2003

·         Reason's last step is the recognition that there are an ifinite number of things whch are beyond it.--Blaise Pascal

·         In doing your work in the great world, it is a  safe plan to follow a rule I once heard on the football field: Don't flinch, don't fall, hit the line hard.--Teddy Roosevelt

·         Be Silly.  Be Honest.  Be Kind.--Ralph Waldo Emerson

·         Notice: Several ladders were stolen from a local hardware store. Police say if they aren't returned, further steps will be taken.

·         The beatings will continue until morale improves.

·         Thou shall not commit nincompoopery.

·         WOD:  Rarefy-v-to make thinner or sparser.

·         AWOD: Bank-n-where they lend you an umbrella in fair weather, and ask for it back when it begins to rain.--Robert Frost

·         Lyric: "Never again is what you swore the time before."--Depeche Mode:
Policy of Truth

January 15, 2003

·         Mathematics consists of proving the most obvious thing in the least obvious way.--George Polya

·         Mix a little foolishness with your serious plans; it's lovely to be silly at the right moment.--Horace Man

·         There are three kinds people: those who can count, and those who can't.

·         Always proofread carefully to see if you any words out.

·         I once shot an elephant in my pajamas.  How he got in my pajamas, I'll never know.—Groucho

·         Leave the door open, will ya?  The flies have not been out all day.--Redd Foxx as Fred Sanford

·         WOD:  Restive-adj-resisting control, obstinate; stubborn

·         AWOD:  Ethernet-n-something used to catch the Etherbunny

·         Lyric:  "Wave upon wave of demented avengers march cheerfully out of obscurity into the dream."--Pink Floyd: Dogs

January 17, 2003

·         This paper gives wrong solutions to trivial problems.  The basic error, however, is not new.--Clifford Truesdell

·         A man's reach should exceed his grasp.--Robert Browning

·         When you smell an odorless gas, it's probably carbon monoxide.

·         A super-saturated solution is one that holds more than it can hold.

·         Warning: May contain nuts. (found on a package of airline peanuts)

·         Alot of people are afraid of heights.  Not me.  I'm afraid of widths.--Steven Wright

·         WOD:  Fop-n-someone overly concerned with his dress or appearence: an dandy

·         AWOD:  Budget-n-a method for going broke methodically

·         Lyric:  "Here's a little song I wrote.  You might want to sing it note
for note: Don't worry.  Be happy."--Bobby McFerrin

January 22, 2003

·         The mathematician has reached the highest rung on the ladder of human thought.--Havelock Ellis

·         Remember, if you win the rat race, you're still a rat.--Lily Tomlin

·         7/5 of all people do not understand fractions.

·         Most bicycles can't stand on their own, because they are two-tired

·         A dancer goes quick on her beautiful legs; a duck goes quack on her beautiful eggs.

·         There once was a girl named Irene / Who lived on distilled Kerosene / But she started absorbin' / a new     hydrocarbon / and since then has never benzene.

·         WOD:  Tumultuous-adj-noisy and disorderly; confused or violently agitated

·         AWOD:  Camel-n-a horse designed by a committee.

·         Lyric:  "How can the world want me to change, they're the ones that stay the same, they don't know me, 'cause I'm not here."--Johnny Rezeznik: I'm still here

January 24, 2003

• 43% of all statistics are worthless
• A candle loses nothing by lighting another candle.
• A new survey found that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the population.--David Letterman
• Matter cannot be created or destroyed, nor can it be returned without a receipt.
• Know thyself!  If you need help, contact the CIA.
• Husband to his wife in his own defense: "How do you expect me to remember your birthday when you never look any older?"
• WOD:  Lackadaisical-adj-lacking spirit or livliness; languid; listless
• AWOD:  Celebrity-n-someone who works hard his whole life to become known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
• Lyric: "Don't be fooled by the rocks that I got. . . . I used to have a little, now I have alot.  No matter where I go, I know where I came from."  J.Lo: Jenny From the Block

January 28, 2003

• Life is good for only two things:  discovering mathematics and teaching mathematics.--Simeon Poisson
• Do not falter or shrink, but just think out your work, and just work out your think.--Nixon Waterman
• Health nuts are going to feel awful stupid someday, lying in the hospital, dying of nothing.--Redd Foxx
• I just go skylights in my place.  The people who live upstairs from me are furious.--Steven Wright
• Drawing on my fine command of language, I said nothing.--Robert Benchley
• Of course I'm in shape.  Round is a shape.
• WOD:  Clinchpooper-n-someone who is a complete snob.
• AWOD:  Arbitrator-n-an employee who quits Arby's to take a job at McDonald's
• Lyric:  "All you need is Love.  Love is all you need."--John Lennon

January 30, 2003

The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of.--Blaise Pascal

Flaming enthusiasm, backed up by horse sense and persistence, is the quality that most frequently makes for success.--Dale Carnegie

You better cut the pizza into 4 pieces, because I'm not hungry enough to eat six.--Yogi Berra

Gentlemen, include me out.--Samuel Goldwyn

I'm proud of my humility

Always be sincere, even when you don't mean it.--Irene Peter

WOD: Oxymoron-n-a contradiction in terms, usually juxtaposed for extra emphasis, for example "Microsoft Works."

AWOD: Classic-n-a book that everybody wants to have read, but nobody has.

LYRIC: "Four seasons turn on, turn on, I can see three corners for this turn.  Two's a perfect number, but one where everybody's happy, everybody's free, keep the big door open, everyone will turn around."--Dave Matthews

February 3, 2003

• The simplest schoolboy is now familiar with facts for which Archimedes would have sacrificed his life.--Ernest Renan
• If you do the best you can, you will find 9 times out of 10 that you have done as well as or better thatn anyone else.--William Feather
• I played a great horse at the track yesterday.  It took seven horses to beat him.--Henny Youngman
• Anything that is too stupid to be spoke is sung.--Voltaire
• Somebody told me how frightening how much topsoil we are losing each year, but when I told that story around the campfire, nobody got scared.--Jack Handy
• Time's fun when you're having flies.--Kermit
• WOD: Pleonasm-n-when someone uses too many words, sometimes repetitive, thought, ideas, or symbols, or words to express a certain, particular, or certain idea, thought or idea.
• AWOD:  Babysitter-n-a teenager who acts like an adult while the adults go out and act like teenagers.
• LYRIC: "Go to war again, blood is freedom's stain.  Don't you pray for my soul anymore."--Iron Maiden: 2 Minutes to Midnight

February 5, 2003

The profound study of nature is the most fertile source of mathematical discovery.--Joseph Fourier

2 Rules of life: 1.  Don't sweat the small stuff.  2.  It's all small stuff.--Richard Carlson

OUT TO LUNCH.  IF NOT BACK BY FIVE, OUT TO DINNER TOO.

If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.--J.P. Getty

What if the world didn't have any hypothetical questions?

As I said before, I never repeat myself.

WOD:  Callow-adj-immature

AWOD:  Avoidable-v-what a Matador tries to do.

LYRIC:  "Life is what happens while you're busy making other plans."--John Lennon: Beautiful Boy

February 11, 2003

• Aristotle maintained that women have fewer teeth than men; although he was married twice, it never occurred to him to verify this statement by examining his wives' mouths.--Bertrand Russell
• Don't saw sawdust.
• Only 2 things are necessary to keep one's wife happy.  One is to let her think she is having her own way, and the other is to let her have it.--LBJ
• In 1869, the waffle iron was invented.  This was great news for people who had previously eaten wrinkled waffles.
• American Association Against Acronym Abuse Regional Group Headquarters / Staff Transport Office Pool (AAAAARGH / STOP)
• Gypsy Dwarf Escapes Jail!  Be on the lookout for a Small Medium at Large.
• WOD:  Gelid-adj-Extremely cold; icy; brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr
• AWOD:  Old Age-n-the time in one's life where a broad mind and a narrow waist trade places.
• LYRIC:  "Then one year you find ten years have gotten behind you, no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun."--Pink Floyd: Time

February 13, 2003

Gravitation cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.--Einstein

Love is a canvas furnished by Nature and embroidered by imagination.--Voltaire

Love is Grand.  Divorce is a hundred Grand.

Happiness is the china shop.  Love is the Bull.--H.L. Mencken

You can't buy love, but you can pay heavily for it.--Henny Youngman

In any successful marriage, the man always has the last word, "Yes, Dear."

WOD:  Wheedle-v-to entice by soft words, flatter, cajoled, coax.

AWOD:  Love-n-2 minds without a single thought.--Phillip Barry

LYRIC: "Your kisses lift me higher, like the swee song of a choir.  You light my morning sky with burning love." --Elvis: Burning Love

February 17, 2003

An expert problem solver must be endowed with two incompatible quantities: a restless imagination and a patient pertinacity.--Howard W. Even

You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you never know how soon it will be too late.--Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You certainly look cool, Mr. Berra."  "Thanks, you don't look so hot yourself."--Yogi Berra

Gentlemen, listen to me slowly.--Samuel Goldwyn

 . . . and what is more, I agree with everything I have just said.--Piet Koornhoff, South African ambassador to the U.S.

There's so much pollution in the air now that if it weren't for our lungs, there'd be no place to put it all.--Robert Orben

WOD:  Schadenfreude-n-a malicious satisfaction in the misfortune of others.

AWOD:  Egotist-n-Someone who is Me-Deep in conversation.

LYRIC:  "I've got me a fine wife.  I've got me an ol' fiddle.  The sun's coming up.  I've got cakes on the griddle.  Life ain't nothing but a funny, funny riddle.  Thank God I'm a country boy."--John Denver:  Thank God I’m a Country boy

February 19, 2003

Early to bed and early to rise, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and wise.--Ben Franklin

Work hard, have fun, make history.--Jeff Bezos, founder of amazon.com

Rise early, work hard, strike oil.--J.P. Getty

Early to rise and early to bed, makes a man healthy, wealthy, and dead.--James Thurber

2 rules for success: 1. Never tell everything you know.--Roger H. Lincoln

How to make a million dollars.  First, get a million dollars . . .  --Steve Martin

WOD:  Haughty-adj-too proud of oneself and too scornful of others

AWOD:  Dictionary-n-the only place where success comes before work.--Vidal Sassoon

LYRIC:  "Walk on!  What you got, they can't steal it, no, they can't even feel it.  You can't deny it, you can't sell it or buy it, Walk on!”--U2: Walk On

February 21, 2003

• If I were a medical man, I should prescribe a holiday to any patient who considered his work important.--Bertrand Russell
• I haven't failed, I've found 10,000 ways that won't work.--Thomas Edison, on inventing the incandescent light bulb.
• From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter.  Someday I intend on reading it.--Groucho Marx
• Ever wonder if illiterate people get the full effect of alphabet soup?--John Mendosa
• A bride's attitude toward her betrothed can be summed up in three words: Aisle. Alter. Hymn.
• Blinding speed can compensated for alot of deficiencies.--David Nichols
• WOD: Pasquinade-n-a publicly posted satirical writing; lampoon
• AWOD: Door-n-what a dog is perpetually on the wrong side of.--Ogden Nash
• Lyric:  "I'd unravel any riddle, for any individle, in trouble or in pain.  With the thoughts I'd be thinkin', I could be another Lincoln, if I only had a brain."--Scarecrow: Wizard of Oz

February 27, 2003

For every complex problem, there is a solution that is simple, neat, and wrong.-- H. L. Mencken

The harder you work, the luckier you get.--Gary Player

The ability to quote is a serviceable substitute for wit.-- W. Somerset Maugham

I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."--Emo Phillips

Seen on Bank sign: Save regularly in our bank.  You'll never reget it.

Seen on Store sign:  Shop this week at our semi-annual after-Christmas sale.

WOD:  Gaucherie-n-a socially awkward or tactless act.

AWOD: Diamond-n-a piece of charcoal that handled stress exceptionally well

LYRIC: "If you choose not to decide, you still have made a choice." - Rush: Freewill

March 3, 2003

The method of "postulating" what we want has many advantages; they are the same advantages of theft over honest toil.--Bertrand Russell

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord makes so many of them.--Abe Lincoln

Seminar on time travel to be held two weeks ago.

Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

Around here, we do precision guesswork.

Visualize Whirled Peas.

WOD:  Ennui-n-a feeling of weariness, lonliness, and dissatisfaction arising from lack of interest.

AWOD: Eye-dropper-n- A clumsy ophthalmologist.

LYRIC: "Raindrops keep falling on my head, but that doesn't mean my eyes will soon be turning red, crying's not for me.  I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining because I'm free nothing's worrying me."--BJ Thomas

March 5, 2003

If it's green, it's biology, If it stinks, it's chemistry, If it has numbers it's math, If it doesn't work, it's technology.--Anon

The power of observation is often mistaken for cynicism by those who don't have it.--George Bernard Shaw

This morning I awoke to find that everything in my house had been stolen and replaced with an exact replica.--Steven Wright.

One of the advantages to being disorderly is that one is constantly making exciting discoveries.--A.A. Milne

I put a mirror on my TV set.  I wanted to see what my family looked like.--Anon

Travel brings out anything in a man, especially sea travel.--Anon

WOD: Hullabaloo-n-great noise or excitement; uproar

AWOD: Hypochondriac-n-someone who can't leave being well-enough alone.

LYRIC: "You got to know when to hold them, know when to fold them, know when to walk away, and know when to run." - Kenny Rogers: The Gambler

March 18, 2003

A dozen, a gross, and a score

Plus three times the square root of four

Divided by seven

Plus five times eleven

Equals nine squared and not a bit more

• Some folks can look so busy doing nothing that they seem indispensable.--K. Hubbard
• Some people are born mediocre, some people achieve mediocrity, and some people have mediocrity thrust upon them.--Joseph Heller: Catch 22
• No Problem is so large that it cannot be fit in somewhere
• To vascillate or not to vacillate, that is the question . . . or is it?
• 355/113--Not the famous irrational number Pi, but an incredible simulation!
• WOD: Trencherman-n-a hearty eater.
• AWOD: Hardware-n-the parts of a computer system that can be kicked.
• LYRIC:  "Somewhere over the rainbow, skies are blue, and the dreams that you dare to dream really do come true."--E.Y. "Yip" Harburg: Wizard of Oz

 March 20, 2003

• The only way to learn mathematics is to do mathematics.--Paul Halmos
• Blessed is the man who, having nothing to say, abstains from giving wordy evidence of the fact.--George Eliot
• Batten, Burton, Durstine & Osborne--sounds like a trunk falling down the stairs.--Fred Allen
• A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.--Frank Lloyd Wright
• Although he is a bad fielder, he is also a very poor hitter.--Ring Lardner
• Tell me your phobias, and I'll tell you what you are afraid of.--Robert Benchley
• WOD:  Virago-n-a woman of extraordinary stature, strength, or courage
• AWOD: Cheese-n-Milk's leap forward to immortality.--Clifton Fadiman
• LYRIC: "I feel so miserable without you, it's almost like having you here."--Song Title: Stephen Bishop

March 28, 2003

Technical skill is mastery of complexity.  Creativity is mastery of simplicity.--E.C. Zeeman

Many creatures have brains.  Man alone has mind.--Buckminster Fuller

Introducing "LITE," the 'lite' way to spell 'light.'  Now with 20% fewer letters.

On the other hand, you have different fingers.--Steven Wright

By the time they had diminished from 50 to 8, the other dwarves began to suspect "Hungry."--Gary Larson: The Far Side

Talk is cheap because supply exceeds demand.

WOD:  Noisome-adj-a very foul or offensive odor.

AWOD:  Democracy-n-a form of government where you can say what you think, even if you don't think.

LYRIC:  "The future is so bright, I've gotta wear shades."--Timbuk 3: I've gotta wear shades

April 1, 2003

• Factoring a quadratic becomes confused with genuine mathematical talent.--I.N. Herstein
• IF we are strong, our character will speak for itself.  If we are weak, words will be of no help.--JFK
• The denunciation of the young is a neccessary part of the hygiene of older people, and greatly assists in the circulation of their blood.--Logan Pearsall Smith
• To my loving wife, but for those constant interruptions, this book would have been finished six months earlier.--Franklin P. Adams, book dedication
• He's very superstitious: he thinks it is unlucky to walk under a black cat.--Max Kauffmann
• I can resist everything except temptation.--Oscar Wilde
• WOD: Chicanery-n-trickery
• AWOD: German-n- a language which was developed soley to afford the speaker the opportunity ot spit at strangers under the guise of polite conversation.--National Lampoon
• LYRIC: "You're nobody 'til somebody loves you, so find yourself somebody to love."--Frank Sinatra

April 3, 2003

• I have made this letter longer than usual, because I lack the time to make it shorter.--Blaise Pascal
• A man wrapped up in himself makes a very small package.
• I do hope that we can become better strangers.--Groucho Marx
• Celebrate Hannibal Day this year.  Take an elephant to lunch.
• Do you realize how many holes there would be if people would just take the time to dig the dirt out of them?
• Behold the warranty . . . the bold print giveth and the fine print taketh away.
• WOD:  Stentorian-adj-extremely loud.
• AWOD: Spouse-n-Someone who'll stand by you through all the trouble you wouldn't have had if you'd stayed single.
• LYRIC: "Na na na na na na. Na na na na na.  Na na na na na na na na na na na."--Journey:  Lovin' Touchin' Squeezin'

April 7, 2003

In mathematics, you don't understand things, you just get used to them.--John Von Newman

If you fail to plan, you plan to fail.

Found on a Resume: I am very detail-oreinted.

Computers are not intelligent; they only think they are.

Always borrow money from a pessimist; he doesn't expect to be paid back.

What a nice night for an evening.

WOD: Castigate-v-to scold or reprimand

AWOD: Kin-n-An affliction of the blood

LYRIC: "You've got to stand for something or you'll fall for anything."--Aaron Tippin

April 9, 2003

In great mathematics, there is a very high degree of unexpectedness, combined with inevitability and economy.--Godfrey H. Hardy

What kills the skunk is the publicity it gives itself.--Abraham Lincoln

Waiter, there's no fly in my soup.--Kermit the Frog

The math test was a piece of cake, which was a bit surprising, because I was expecting some questions on a sheet of paper.

American Surrealist Society: Better Living Through Purple Fish Engine

Help!  I've fallen and I can't . . . Hey! Nice carpet.

WOD: Impute-v-to attribute to someone--Webster

AWOD: Hors D'Oueuvres-n-a sandwich cut into 20 pieces.

LYRIC: "So often in time it happens, we all live our life in chains, and we never even know we have the key."--Eagles: Already Gone

April 11, 2003

I does not do to leave a live dragon out of your calculations if you live near him.--J.R.R. Tolkein

Great is the road I climb, but the garland offered by an easier effort is not worth the gathering.--Propertius

Sometimes I think I understand everything . . . then I regain consciousness.

Don't leave things unfinishe

I didn't have to pay a thing for my new home gym.  I furnished it with free weights.

A small town that can't support one lawyer can always support two.

WOD: Pulchritudinous-adj-physically beautiful

AWOD: Freelance Writer-n-a writer who is paid per piece, per word, or perhaps.--Robert Benchley

LYRIC: "It seems to me that 'maybe' pretty much always means 'no'."--Jack Johnson: Flake

April 15, 2003

The hardest thing in the world to understand is the Income Tax.--Einstein

We must care for each other more, and tax each other less.--Bill Archer

Nothing is certain but death and taxes.--Ben Franklin

The IRS: We've got what it takes to take what you've got.

Taxation with representation isn't so hot either.

Blessed are the young, to they shall inherit the National Debt.--Herbert Hoover

WOD: Furtive-adj-obtained by stealth, secrecy, or slyness

AWOD: Loophole-n-to liberals, any provision of the taxcode that fails to claim money earned, inherited, saved, or otherwise pocketed by known taxpayers.

Lyric:       "If you drive a car, I'll tax the street,
                If you try to sit, I'll tax your seat.
                If you get too cold I'll tax the heat,
                If you take a walk, I'll tax your feet
                'Cause I'm the taxman, yeah I'm the taxman."--George Harrison: Taxman

April 17, 2003

Equations are just the boring part of mathematics.  I attempt to see things in terms of Geometry.--Stephen Hawking.

There are two types of failures: those who thought and never did, and those who did and never thought.

The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.--Mark Russell

Don't judge a book by its movie.

You appeal to a small, select group of confused people.

I'm 30 years old, but I read at a 34 year-old level.--Dana Carvey

WOD:  Aplomb-n-confidence; coolness.

AWOD: Worry-n-the advance interest you pay on troubles that seldom come.

LYRIC: "It's all about soul."--Billy Joel

April 23, 2003

What science can there be more noble, more excellent, more useful for men, more admirably high and demonstrative than this of mathematics?--Ben Franklin

Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them pick themselves up and hurry off as if nothing ever happened.--Churchill

If it ain't broke, fix it 'til it is.

I have lied in good faith.--Bernard Tapie

He's the kind of guy that can light up a room just by flipping a switch.

You can learn alot from children, like how much patience you have.--Fran Leibowiz

WOD: Nonage-n-the period of youth or immaturity.

AWOD: Expert-n-someone who has made 3 successive correct guesses.

LYRIC: "And if you listen very hard, the tune will come to you at last.  When all are one and one is all, to be a rock and not to roll."--Led Zepplin: Stairway to Heaven

April 25, 2003

Mathematical knowledge adds vigour to the mind, frees it from prejudice, credulity, and superstition.--John Arbuthnot

Instead of listening to what is said to them, many people are already listening to what they are going to say.

He is a meticulous worker.  He does nothing, but he does it without mistakes.

A squeaky wheel doesn't always get the grease, sometimes it gets replaced.--John Peers

Use the apostrophe in it's proper place and omit it when its not needed.

Knowledge is power, if you know it about the right person.--Ethel Watts

WOD: MALADROIT-adj-Lacking adroitness; clumsy; awkward; unskillful; inept.

AWOD: ACUPUNCTURE-n-a jab well done

LYRIC: "Escape is never the safest plan."--Pearl Jam

May 5, 2003

One's intellectual and aesthetic life cannot be complete unless it includes an appreciation of the power and beauty of mathematics.--Jerry P. King

Some minds are like concrete, all mixed up and permanently set.

People can have a model T in any color they want, so long as it's black.--Henry Ford

The doctor says I have insomnia, but I'm not gonna lose any sleep over it.

When in doubt, mumble.

Money doesn't necessarily bring happiness.  People with $100 million are no happier than people with $50 million.

WOD: Bulwark-n-a means of defense or protection; safeguard

AWOD: Insomnia-n-a sleepless condition where one lies awake all night for an hour or two.

LYRIC: "I'm sorry I made you cry, but at least your face is cleaner."--Song Title

May 7, 2003

Pure mathematics is, in its way, the poetry of logical ideas.--Einstein

Be sincere; be brief; be seated.--FDR

If you think you've got things under control, you're not going fast enough.--Mario Andretti

A penny saved is 2.5 grams of zinc alloy.

The future will be better tomorrow.--Al Gore

Some people will believe anything if it's whispered to them.

WOD:  Comestible-adj-something suitable to be eaten; food

AWOD:  Memoir-n-when somehone records all the things they would have liked to have done and omit all the things they shouldn't have done.

LYRIC "I can't complain but sometimes I still do."--Joe Walsh: Life’s Been Good

May 9, 2003

 The following statement is true.  The previous statement is false.

The person who knows it all has alot to learn.

You're only young once.  If you act foolish after that, you'll have to find another excuse.

I had to go on two diets at the same time, because I wasn't getting enough food on just one.

First things first, but not particularly in that order.

Avoid clichés like the plague.  They are old hat.

WOD: Stalwart-adj-Firm and resolute; stout

AWOD: Energy-n-what a child saves for a rainy day

LYRIC: "Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm, Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm."--Crash Test Dummies

May 13, 2003

• There has to be a mathematical explanation for how bad your tie is.--John Nash, "A Beautiful Mind"
• To refuse praise is to seek praise twice.--La Rochenfoucauld
• There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
• I was walking down the street wearing glasses when suddenly, the prescription ran out.--Steven Wright
• A psychopath thinks 2+2=5.  A neurotic knows 2+2=4, but he worries about it.
• Food adds a festive touch to any meal.
• WOD: Altruism-n-unselfishness; concerned with the well-being of others.
• AWOD: Collaboration-n-in literature, a partnership based on the false assumption that the other person can spell.--Ambrose Bierce.
• LYRIC: "If the house is rockin', don't bother knockin' . . . come on in."—SRV

May 19, 2003

• I must study politics and war that my sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy.-- John Adams
• Hitch your wagon to a star.--Ralph Waldo Emerson
• If only today could go as well as tomorrow.
• May you have a lawsuit in which you know you are in the right.--Fortune Cookie
• What you don't know doesn't hurt you, but it sure amuses alot of people.
• I am at two with Nature.--Woody Allen
• WOD: Sapient-adj-wise; sage; discerning
• AWOD: Car Sickness-n-the feeling you get when the payment is due.
• LYRIC: "How Can I Miss You When You Won't go Away?"--The Red Clay Ramblers

May 21,2003

There is no royal road to Geometry.--Euclid

Today is a gift, that's why they call it the present.

I'm a light eater.  As soon as it's light, I start to eat.--Art Donovan

If you have nothing to do, please don't do it here.

He has a circular driveway, and he can't get out.--Steven Wright

Every man serves a purpose; A miser, for example, makes a good ancestor.

WOD: Prevericate-v-to lie, to stretch or hide the TRUTH

AWOD: Botany-n-the science of insulting flowers in Latin and Greek

LYRIC: "Happy Trails to you, until we meet again."--Roy Rogers