2003-2004 school year

August 19, 2003

• Today, there will be 6.5 million people standing in front of a class teachin, and over 73 million students behind a desk learning.
• With every leaf a miracle.--Walt Whitman
• Cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with an education--Mark Twain
• A man's library is a sort of harem.--Ralph Waldo Emerson
• I'm not going to buy my kids an encyclopedia.  Let them walk to school like I did.--Yogi Berra
• WOD:  Matriculation-v-to enroll in a school or college
• AWOD:  Arithmetic-v-being able to count up to 20 without taking off your shoes.--Mickey Mouse
• LYRIC: "We gotta go back, back to school again."--Grease II

August 21, 2003

All human knowledge thus begins with intuitions, proceeds thence to concepts, and ends with ideas.--Kant, Emmanual (1724 - 1804)

Man is like steel.  Them second he loses his temper, he loses his worth.—Chuck Norris

Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?

Confucius says
Man who keep feet firmly on ground have trouble putting on pants!

Isn't it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do "practice?"

Everybody repeat after me . . ."We are all individuals."

WOD:  Bucolic - adj- Relating to or typical of the countryside or its people; rustic.

AWOD:  Bed and Breakfast-n-Two things kids will never make for themselves

LYRIC: "Won't you believe it / It's just my luck / No recess / You're in high school again"--Nirvana: Bleach

August 25, 2003

·         Music is the pleasure the human soul experiences from counting, without being aware that it is counting.--Leibniz

·         Following the path of least resistance is what makes men and rivers crooked.

·         It's a know fact: Cross-eyed teachers can't control their pupils.

·         Life is like a dog sled team: If you ain't the lead dog, the scenery never changes.--Lewis Grizzard

·         The man who claims to be the boss in his own home will lie about other things as well.--Amish Proverb

·         There once was a lady from Kew /  Whose limericks end at line two.

·         WOD: Vainglory-n-excessive pride; arrogance; hubris

·         AWOD: Loan-n-money you can get from the bank if you can first prove that you don't need it.

·         LYRIC: "You don't know how it feels to be me."--Tom Petty

August 27, 2003

• If you would be a real seeker after truth, you must at least once in your life doubt, as far as possible, all things.--Rene Descartes
• Only the mediocre are always at their best.--Jean Giraudoux
• A low voter turnout is an indication of fewer people going to the polls.--Dan Quayle
• Father:  "What is it with you, son?  Is it ignorance or apathy?"

       Son:  "Dad, I don't know, and I don't care."

• It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.-Jack Handey
• The Bureau of Incomplete Statistics reports that one out of three.
• WOD: Dour-adj-Harsh; stern; Unyielding; inflexible; obstinate.
• AWOD: Acorn-n-an oak in a nutshell.
• LYRIC: "All of us get lost in the darkness, dreamers learn to steer by the stars." – Rush: The Pass

August 29, 2003

A formal manipulator in mathematics often experiences the discomforting feeling that his pencil surpasses him in intelligence.--Howard W. Eves

The aim of an argument or discussion should not be victory, but progress.-- Joseph Joubert 

I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.--Rodney Dangerfield.

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.--Steven Wright.

The President has kept all the promises he intended to keep.—Clinton aide George Stephanopolous.

If you owe the bank $100 that's your problem. If you owe the bank $100 million, that's the bank's problem.—JP Getty.

WOD: Equipoise-n-the state of being equally balanced, as in moral, social, or political interests.

AWOD: Originality-n-the art of concealing your sources.--Einstein

LYRIC: "An honest man's pillow is his peace of mind." - John Cougar Mellencamp: Minutes To Memories

September 3, 2003

I believe that mathematical reality lies outside us, that our function is to discover or observe it, and that the theorems which we prove, and which we describe grandiloquently as our "creations," are simply the notes of our observations.--Hardy, Godfrey H. (1877 - 1947)

Originality and the feeling of one's own dignity are achieved only
through work and struggle.-- Fyodor Dostoyevsky (1821-1881) Russian Novelist

Behind every successful man stands a surprised mother-in-law.-- Hubert Humphrey.

The play was a great success - but the audience was a disaster.--Oscar Wilde

Warning: Do not drink the battery acid. It doesn't taste good and will hurt you. Also do not bite the tyres, especially while the bike is moving. Our lawyers made us put these warnings in. --Australian motorcycle manual

Don't judge a book by its movie.

WOD: Pestilence-n-A pernicious, evil influence or agent.

AWOD: Baroque - [Econ.] when you are out of Monet

LYRIC: "I guess we've come full circle, we are strangers once again."--Robert Earl Keen: Love's A Word

September 5, 2003

A precision professor had the habit of saying " . . . a quartic polynomial ax^4+bx^3+cx^2+dx+e, where e need not be the base of the natural logarithms."--J.E. Littlewood

The probability of someone watching you is directly proportional to the stupidity of your action.

Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups.

Get yourself vaccinated; seafloors are spreading.

I wish there were a knob on the TV to turn up the intelligence.  There's one called "brightness," but it doesn't work.

WOD: Infinitesimal-n-a very, very, small, little-bitty quantity.

AWOD: Experience-n-that marvelous thing that allows you to recognize a mistake when you make it again.--F.P.Jones

LYRIC: "Might as well share, might as well smile.  Life goes on for a little-bitty while."--Alan Jackson

September 9, 2003

Although I am not stupid, the mathematical side of my brain is like dumb notes upon a damaged piano.--Margot Asquith

Creativity is inventing, experimenting, growing, taking risks, breaking rules, making mistakes, and having fun.
-- Mary Lou Cook

After things have gone from bad to worse, the cycle will repeat.

Get thee down. Be thou funky.

The reward for a job well done is more work.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you have to catch up.

WOD: Metier-\MET-yay\-n-An occupation; a profession.

AWOD:  Buffet - French word that means "get up and get it yourself"

LYRIC:  "Freedom, well, that's just some people talking. Your prison is walking through this world all alone." - The Eagles, Desperado

September 11, 2003

In earlier times, they had no statistics, and so they had to fall back on lies.--Stephen Leacock

Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man's character, give him power.--A. Lincoln

We have them right where they want us.--Capt. J.T. Kirk

Have you ever imagined a world without hypothetical questions?

Let not the sands of time get in your lunch.

When marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws.

WOD:  Taciturn-adj- Habitually silent; not inclined to talk; reticent

AWOD: Maybe-n-No

LYRIC: "Sometimes you're the windshield, sometimes you're the bug."--Dire Straits

September 15, 2003

Mark all mathematical heads which be wholly and only bent on these sciences, how solitary they be themselves, how unfit to live with others, how unapt to serve the world.--Ascham, Roger (1515-1568)

Education is the ability to listen to almost anything without losing your temper or your self confidence.--Robert Frost (1874 - 1963)

Q:  What's brown and sticky?  A:  a stick.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja-vu at the same time. I think I've forgotten this before.

Indiana State Motto: 2 Billion Years Tidal Wave Free

Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either, Just leave me the heck alone.

WOD:  Harbinger-n-a foreshadower; a forbearer of things to come

AWOD:  Broadband-n-The Dixie Chicks

LYRIC:  "I fell into a burning ring of fire. I went down, down, down, and the flames got higher."--Johnny Cash

September 17, 2003

Universities hire professors the way some men choose wives - they want the ones the others will admire.--Kline, Morris

In war: resolution. In defeat: defiance. In victory: magnanimity. In peace: goodwill.-- Sir Winston Churchill 

We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform you that a memo will be issued today regarding the subject mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Affairs Division)

It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal the neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.

Forget about World Peace..... Visualize Using Your Turn Signal

Smoking in the lavatories is prohibited. Any person caught smoking in the lavatories will be asked to leave the plane immediately."

WOD:  Brackish-adj-somewhat salty; distasteful; unpalatable.

AWOD:  Bulldozer-n-a person who sleeps through campaign speech.

LYRIC: "If you want it, come and get it, for crying out loud."--David Gray: Babylon

September 19, 2003

...from the same principles, I now demonstrate the frame of the System of the World.--Newton, Isaac (1642-1727)

He can do more for others who has done most with himself.-- S.D. Gordon

Always drink upstream from the herd.--Cowboy Logic

Today on Wall Street, Escalators continued their slow decline while pencils lost a few points.  Diapers remained unchanged.

We know that communication is a problem, but the company is not going to discuss it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

Animal testing is futile.  They always get nervous and give the wrong answers.

WOD:  Inveigh-v-to protest strongly or attack with harsh and bitter language

AWOD:  Censorship-n- * *** *** ********* ****

LYRIC:  "Every time I thought I'd got it made, It seems the taste was not so sweet."--David Bowie: Changes

September 23, 2003

Everything of importance has been said before by somebody who did not discover it.--Alfred North Whitehead (1861-1947)

That's war: trading men for real-estate.--Sands of Iwa Jima: Pfc Al Thomas to Pfc Charlie Bass

People demand freedom of speech to make up for the freedom of thought which they avoid.-- Soren Aabye Kierkegaard (1813-1855)

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through not dying.-­ Woody Allen

There is only one thing in the world worse than being talked about, and that is not being talked about.-- Oscar Wilde

I've said it once, I'll say it again: "I don't like to repeat myself!"

WOD:  Transmogrify-v- To change into a different shape or to transform, often with bizarre or humorous effect.

AWOD:  Conductor-n- musician who is adept at following many people at the same time

LYRIC:  "Ob-la-di, Ob-la-da, life goes on."-- The Beatles

September 25, 2003

A linguist would be shocked to learn that if a set is not closed this does not mean that it is open, or again that "E is dense in E" does not mean the same thing as "E is dense in itself."--Littlewood, J. E. (1885 -1977)

To live a creative life, we must lose our fear of being wrong.--Joseph Chilton Pearce

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.--Spike Milligan.

The secret of good teaching is to appear to have known all your life what you learned the previous afternoon.

I called the 'Psychic Friends Network' the other day...they said they saw a really big phone bill in my future!"

REWARD: Lost - $50 ... if found, just keep it!

WOD:  Equipollent-n-equal if force or significance; tantamount.

AWOD:  Money-n-the poor man's credit card.--Marshall McLuhan.

LYRIC:  "Even though the whole world has forgotten, the song remembers when."--Trisha Yearwood

October 6, 2003

The essential fact is that all the pictures which science now draws of nature, and which alone seem capable of according with observational facts, are mathematical pictures. --Jeans, Sir James

We should be too big to take offense and too noble to give it.—Lincoln on Character

I don't read books, but I have friends who do. -George W. Bush

The brain is a wonderful organ. It starts working the moment you get up in the morning and does not stop until you get into the office. -Robert Frost

A woman has the last word in any argument. Anything a man says afterward is the beginning of a new argument.

The Lord's Prayer is 66 words, the Gettysburg Address is 286 words, there are 1,322 words in the Declaration of Independence, but government regulations on the sale of cabbage total 26,911 words.

WOD:  Caveat-n-a warning or caution

AWOD:  Bureaucracy-n-the art of making the possible impossible. -Javier Pascual Salcedo

LYRIC: “Fool you once, you are forgiven. Fool you twice, you're just a fool.”-- Mary Chapin Carpenter, The Better To Dream Of You

October 8, 2003

[During a lecture:]This has been done elegantly by Minkowski; but chalk is cheaper than grey matter, and we will do it as it comes. --Einstein, Albert (1879-1955)

You can fool some of the people all the time, and all of the people some of the time, but you cannot fool all of the people all the time.—Lincoln on Deceit

You can fool some of the people all of the time, and all of the people some of the time...and that should be enough to get you through.—Anon

Einstein discovered that time and space are interchangeable when he showed up three miles late for a meeting.

Have you ever wondered why poets have been mysteriously silent on the subject of cheese?

The word 'genius' isn't applicable in football. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.--Joe Theisman, quarterback and sports analyst

WOD:  Hobbledehoy-n-an awkward, gawky young fellow.AWOD: Boundary-n- In political geography, an imaginary line between two nations, separating the imaginary rights of one from the imaginary rights of another.--Ambrose Bierce

Lyric:  “It was a night, ooh what a night it was, it really was such a night.”—Conway Twitty

October 10, 2003

• The people who are regarded as moral luminaries are those who forego ordinary pleasures themselves and find compensation in interfering with the pleasures of others.-- Bertrand Russell, British mathematician and philosopher (1872-1970)
• Sooner or later everyone sits down to a banquet of consequences. (Robert Louis Stevenson)
• Don't offer me advice, give me money.-- Spanish proverb
• If living conditions don't stop improving in this country, we're going to run out of humble beginnings for our great men.-- Russell P. Askue
• Everybody talks about the weather but nobody does anything about it.-- Charles Dudley Warner (1829-1900)
• Passive activity income does not include the following: Income for an activity that is not a passive activity.--- IRS form 8583, Passive Activity Loss Limitation
• WOD:  Gestalt-n-A physical, biological, psychological, or symbolic configuration or pattern of elements so unified as a whole that its properties cannot be derived from a simple summation of its parts.
• AWOD: Weather Forecaster - see professional liar (non-legal)
• LYRIC: “Space ain't man's final frontier, man's final frontier is the soul.”-- Arrested Development, Man's Final Frontier

October 16, 2003

No human investigation can be called real science if it cannot be demonstrated mathematically.-- Leonardo da Vinci (1452-1519)

Conversation is an exercise of the mind; gossip is an exercise of the tongue.

We'd like to avoid problems, because when we have problems, we can have troubles.--- Wesley Bolin, Arizona Governor

You can't just let nature run wild.--- Wally Hickel, former Alaska governor

The Packers never lost a game, we just occasionally ran out of time.—Vince Lombardi

Lawyer: "Sir, what is your IQ?"
Defendant: "Well, I can see pretty well, I think." -- Testimony from court records

WOD: Acquiesce-v-To accept or consent passively or without objection -- usually used with 'in' or 'to'.

AWOD: Mississippi-n- Mr. Hippie’s wife

Lyric: “It’s not having what you want, It’s wanting what you’ve got.”—Sheryl Crow: Soak up the Sun

October 20, 2003

Nature to him was an open book, whose letters he could read without effort. Albert Einstein (1879-1955) [About Newton]

I attribute my success to this--I never gave or took any excuse. (Florence Nightingale)

Leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.—Rome Laundry

If ignorance is bliss why aren't more people happy?

Never put off to tomorrow what you can avoid altogether.

All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

WOD: Confustication-n-Confusion with frustration, from Tolkien’s Hobbit

AWOD: Classic-n-In Literature:  Something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read-- Mark Twain

LYRIC:  “We are the people our parents warned us about."-Jimmy Buffett

October 22, 2003

• In mathematical analysis we call x the undetermined part of line a: the rest we don't call y, as we do in common life, but a-x. Hence mathematical language has great advantages over the common language.--Georg Christoph Lichtenberg (1742 - 1799)
• From childhood's hour I have not been
  As others were -- I have not seen
  As others saw.--Edgar Allan Poe
• It is impossible to travel faster than light, and certainly not desirable, as one's hat keeps blowing off.-- Woody Allen 
• It is generally agreed that "Hello" is an appropriate greeting because if you entered a room and said "Goodbye," it could confuse a lot of people –Dolph Sharp
• It's was so cold, the politicians had their hands in their OWN pockets.
• Gather round like cattle and ye shall be herd.
• WOD:  Inexorable-adj-Not capable of being persuaded by entreaty; inflexible; relentless; adamant.
• AWOD:  Cards-n-Game devices with which a good deal depends on a good deal.
• LYRIC: “Hop in my Chrysler, it’s as big as a whale, and it’s about to set sail.”—B52s: Love Shack

October 24, 2003

Though this be madness, yet there is method in't.—William Shakespeare (1564-1616)

As long as people will accept (garbage) crap, it will be financially profitable to dispense it.--Dick Cavett

Non-sequiturs make me eat lampshades.

All I ask is for the chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

The trouble with being punctual is that no one is there to appreciate it.

When you've seen one non-sequitur, the price of tea in China.

• WOD: Non-sequitur-n-an inference or conclusion that does not follow logically from what preceded it.
• AWOD:  Monday-n-In the USA, the day after the Football game.
• LYRIC:  “I’m my own Grandpa.”—Lonzo and Oscar

October 28, 2003

• Sometimes I think we're alone in the universe. Sometimes I think we're not. In both cases the thought is equally shocking.—Arthur C. Clarke
• Those who danced were thought to be quite insane by those who could not hear the music.—Angela Monet
• My dear boy, forget about the motivation. Just say the lines and don't trip over the furniture.—Noel Coward

·         A lot of people quit looking for work as soon as they find a job.—Zig Ziglar

• Q:  How many people work at your company?  A:  Oh, about half of them.
• I've been on a calendar, but never on time.—Marilyn Monroe
• WOD:  ad hoc-adv- Improvised and often impromptu
• AWOD:  Upgrade-n-a newer version of software where the old bugs have been removed and new ones have been installed.
• LYRIC:  "You can spit shine me all you want, but I'm still going to be the same old piece of tin" --Matchbox 20

October 30, 2003

• Nature uses as little as possible of anything.--Kepler, Johannes (1571-1630)
• There is nothing funny about Halloween. This sarcastic festival reflects, rather, an infernal demand for revenge by children on the adult world.--Jean Baudrillard

·         I'll bet living in a nudist colony takes all the fun out of Halloween.—A. Non

·         Ghosts, like ladies, never speak till spoke to.--Richard Harris Barham

·         Q: How do you stop a Frankenstein biting his nails?

A: Give him screws

·         Did you hear that Dracula had to take medicine to cure his coffin?

·         WOD:  Doppelganger-n-A spiritual or ghostly double or counterpart

·         AWOD:  Frankenstein –nouns-a hot dog and a mug of beer

• LYRIC:  “Just like a ghost, you've been a-hauntin' my dreams, So I'll propose... on Halloween.  Love is kinda crazy with a spooky little girl like you.”--Dennis Yost and the Classics IV: SPOOKY

November 3, 2003

• ...we have overcome the notion that mathematical truths have an existence independent and apart from our own minds. It is even strange to us that such a notion could ever have existed.--Kasner, E. and Newman, J.
• Neurosis is the way of avoiding non-being by avoiding being.-- Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
• I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't.  So I grew hair under
  my arms instead.  - Sue Kolinsky
• If you can't be a good example, then you'll just have to be a horrible warning.
  - Catherine Aird
• The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a
  bowling ball wouldn't.--Russell Beland
• In the great state of Utah, it is unlawful to fish while on a horse.
• WOD:  Inveigle-v-To lead astray as if blind; to persuade by deceptive arts or flattery; to entice; to wheedle.
• AWOD:  Airport-n-where you go to waste time waiting that you're going to save flying.
• LYRIC:  “Your heroes will help you find good in yourself.”-- Randy Travis, Heroes And Friends

November 5, 2003

• Nature is programmed for success.—Joseph Chilton Pearce
• Not being able to govern events, I govern myself.--Michel de Montaigne
• It's not the minutes spent at the table that makes one fat...it's the seconds.
• We are not retreating - we are advancing in another direction.--General Douglas MacArthur (1880-1964)
• I do not object to people looking at their watches when I am speaking. But I do strongly object when they start shaking them to make sure they are still going.--Lord Birkett
• Here's a good thing to do if you go to a party and you don't know anybody:  First take out the garbage.  Then go around and collect any extra garbage that people might have, like a crumpled napkin, and take that out too.  Pretty soon people will want to meet the busy garbage guy.--from Deep Thoughts, by Jack Handey
• WOD:  Invective-n-Insulting or abusive language.
• AWOD:  Hotel-n-a place that keeps the manufacturers of 25-watt bulbs in
  business.  - Shelley Berman
• LYRIC:  “We're dug in the deep the price is steep. The auctioneer is such a creep.
  The lights went out, the oil ran dry We blamed it on the other guy.”—REM:  Bad Day

November 7, 2003

• Mechanics is the paradise of the mathematical sciences, because by means of it one comes to the fruits of mathematics.—Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519)
• If you won't write it and sign it, don't say it.--Earl Wilson
• I type a 101 words a minute. But it's in my own language.—Mitch Hedberg
• Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.  - Johnny Carson
• Nowadays, people can be divided into three classes - the Haves, the Have-Nots, and the Have-Not-Paid-for-What-They-Haves.-Earl Wilson, newspaper columnist
• Sign Under Clock in a College Classroom:  Time will pass, will you?
• WOD: Amity-n- Friendship; friendly relations, especially between nations.
• AWOD:  Brain-n-an apparatus with which we think we think. --Ambrose Bierce
• LYRIC:  “It’s better to burn out than to fade away.”—Neil Young: My, My, Hey, Hey

November 11, 2003

• We are all agreed that your theory is crazy. The question which divides us is whether it is crazy enough to have a chance of being correct. My own feeling is that it is not crazy enough. - Niels Bohr
• The courage to be is the courage to accept oneself, in spite of being unacceptable.-- Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
• I know a lot about cars. I can look at a car's headlights and tell you exactly which way it's coming.—Mitch Hedberg
• Never try to teach a pig to sing; it wastes your time and it annoys the pig.-- Paul Dickson
• My computer doesn’t have bugs, it just develops random features.
• Some people are so indecisive that their favorite color is plaid.
• WOD:  Supercilious-adj-Disdainfully arrogant.
• AWOD:  History-n- a fable agreed upon. - Napoleon Bonaparte
• LYRIC:  “I am beyond your peripheral vision, So you might want to turn your head”—Ani DiFranco

November 13, 2003

• 2-in-1 is a bogus term, because 1 is not big enough to hold 2. That's why 2 was created.—Mitch Hedberg
• The first duty of love is to listen. --Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be
• When I finished school, I took one of those career aptitude tests, and based on my verbal ability score, they suggested I become a mime. --Tim Cavanagh
• I have enough money to last me the rest of my life, unless I buy something. --Jackie Mason
• Many wise words are spoken in jest, but they don't compare with the number of stupid words spoken in earnest. -- Sam Levenson (1911 – 1980)
• Man invented language to satisfy his deep need to complain. -- Lily Tomlin
• WOD:  Skulduggery-n-devious, dishonest, or unscrupulous behavior or activity.

• AWOD:  Dictionary-n-Spell Binder

• LYRIC:  “Every form of refuge has it's price.” - The Eagles, Lyin' Eyes

November 17, 2003

• I think...I think it's in my basement. Let me go upstairs and check.—M.C.Escher
• You can't make a fact out of an opinion by raising your voice.—A. Non
• In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice; In practice, there is.—Chuck Reid
• Who messed with my anti-paranoia shot?
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you’ll get repossessed.
• He certainly looks older than he did last year.—Mark Cox, BBC TV tennis.
• WOD:  Gravitas-n-substance; a serious or dignified demeanor.
• AWOD:  Professional-n- someone who can do his best work when he doesn't feel like it. -- Alistair Cooke
• LYRIC:  “It’s like going to confession every time I hear you speak.”—The Eagles: Get Over It

November 19, 2003

Logic doesn't apply to the real world.—Minsky, Marvin Lee (1927 -)

• The height of your accomplishments will equal the depth of your convictions.-- William F. Scolavino

Help Conserve Gravity: Walk with a light step and carry helium balloons if possible.

He often broke into song because he couldn't find the key.

People need good lies. There are too many bad ones.--Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

When I was a boy I was told that anybody could become President. Now I'm beginning to believe it.—Clarence Darrow

WOD: Chutzpah-n-utter nerve; effrontery; audacity

AWOD: Drive-in Banking-n-a form of banking invented so cars could go in and see their real owners.

LYRIC:  “I’m so far in the red, all I see is blue.”—Marcia Ball: Foreclose on the House of Love

November 21, 2003

• Irrationality is the square root of all evil.-- Douglas Hofstadter
• Laughter is the sun that drives winter from the human face.—Anonymous
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• I'm for a stronger death penalty.—President George Bush
• Drop your trousers here for best results.—Bangkok dry cleaners
• Have you every wondered how much deeper the oceans would be without sponges.—Steven Wright
• WOD: Virga-n-rain that evaporates before it hits the ground.
• AWOD: Majority-n-That quality that distinguishes a crime from a law.
• LYRIC: “Just remember this, my girl, when you look up in the sky / You can see the stars and still not see the light.”—Eagles: Already Gone

November 25, 2003

• Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.—Marcus T. Cicero
• Who does not thank for little will not thank for much.—Estonian Proverb
• Got no check books, got no banks. Still I'd like to express my thanks - I got the sun in the mornin' and the moon at night.—Irving Berlin
• God gave us our relatives; thank God we can choose our friends.—Ethel Watts Mumford
• This thanksgiving, I am thankful that I’m not a turkey.—Little Timmy
• Thanksgiving is America's national chow-down feast - the one occasion each year when gluttony becomes a patriotic duty.—Michael Dresser
• WOD: Surfeit-n-disgust that comes from an excessive amount of food or drink.
• AWOD: Optimist-n-A person who starts a new diet on Thanksgiving Day.--Irv Kupcinet
• LYRIC: “Turkey for me, Turkey for you. Let's eat the turkey In my big brown shoe.”—Adam Sandler:  Thanksgiving song.

December 2, 2003

• The outcome of any serious research can only be to make two questions grow where only one grew before.— Thorstein Veblen (1857-1929)
• Doubt isn't the opposite of faith; it is an element of faith.-- Paul Tillich, The Courage To Be

• No keyboard detected.  Press any key to continue—Window error message

• Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they will never cease to be amused.
• Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories: those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost. --Russell Baker
• You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.
• WOD:  Tutelary-adj-Having the guardianship or charge of protecting a person or a thing; guardian;
• AWOD:  Depression-n-rage spread thin.—Paul Tillich
• LYRIC:  “If we make it through December, everything’s gonna be alright I know.”—Merle Haggard

December 5, 2003

• Mathematicians do not study objects, but relations between objects. Thus, they are free to replace some objects by others so long as the relations remain unchanged. Content to them is irrelevant: they are interested in form only.—Jules Henri Poincaré, (1854-1912)
• The real measure of your wealth is how much you'd be worth if you lost all your money.-- Bernard Meltzer (1914-) American Law Professor
• Don Diego: Do you know how to use that thing?
  Alejandro: Of course, the pointy end goes into the other man.—The Mask of Zorro
• What the world *really* needs is a good Automatic Bicycle Sharpener.
• You guys line up alphabetically by height.—Bill Peterson, FSU coach
• Because she is too darn ugly to kiss good-bye.—Oiler coach Bum Phillips when asked by Bob
  Costas why he takes his wife on all road trips
• WOD: Soporific-adj-sleep-inducing, as in, “That lecture was uncommon.  It really was so. . . . porific.”
• AWOD: Quoting-v-the act of repeating erroneously the words of another.—Ambrose Bierce
• LYRIC: "I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself to hold on to these moments as they pass."—Counting Crows: A Long December

December 8, 2003

• The study of mathematics cannot be replaced by any other activity that will train and develop man's purely logical faculties to the same level of rationality.—C.O Oakley
• If I have ever made any valuable discoveries, it has been owing more to patient attention than to any other talent.-- Isaac Newton (1642-1727)
• I am not sure what this is, but an "F" would only dignify it.—Unknown English Professor
• For centuries to come, many years will pass.—Pat Paulsen
• Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me.
• Now I know I'm not normally a praying man, but if you're up there, please save me, Superman!—Homer Simpson
• WOD: Pulchritudinous-adj-marked by physical beauty and appeal
• AWOD: Flying-n-the art of throwing  yourself at the ground and missing.—Douglas Adams, So Long, and Thanks for the Fish
• LYRIC: “I don't care what consequence it brings, I have been a fool for lesser things.”—Billy Joel: The Longest Time

December 10, 2003

• A proof tells us where to concentrate our doubts.—Morris Kline
• People who are always looking over their shoulder, will most likely run into something.—Charles Huffine
• Can't talk, must eat.—Homer Simpson
• Dehydrated H2O: just add water.
• If you act crazy all your life, they'll never be able to commit you.—Rosemary Saucier
• All I want is a kind word, a warm bed and unlimited power.
• WOD: Sine qua non-n-an indispensable thing; an absolute prerequisite
• AWOD:  Old-n-When the candles cost more than the cake.
• LYRIC: “Mental Health is overrated.”—Bare Naked Ladies: This is where it ends

December 12, 2003

Mathematics is like checkers in being suitable for the young, not too difficult, amusing, and without peril to the state.—Plato (ca 429-347 BC)

Nothing will ever be attempted, if all possible objections must first
be overcome.—Samuel Johnson

I dislike arguments of any kind.  They are always vulgar, and often convincing.”—Oscar Wilde

If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bull.

It may be Winter outside, but it's always Summer in your armpit.—Tommy Gorman

Dyslexics of the world, untie!

WOD: Meretricious-adj- Alluring by vulgar or flashy display

AWOD: Life-n-A whim of several billion cells to be you for a while.

LYRIC: “I was me, but now he is gone.”—Metallica: Fade to Black

December 16, 2003

A work of morality, politics, criticism will be more elegant, other things being equal, if it is shaped by the hand of geometry.— Bernard Le Bovier Fontenelle, (1657-1757)

There are two cardinal sins from which all the others spring: impatience and laziness.—Franz Kafka (1883-1924)

Now when I bore people at a party, they think it’s their fault.—Henry Kissinger at the height of his fame.

A Christmas shopper's complaint is one of long-standing.—A. Non

Why does Scrooge love Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer? Because every buck is dear to him

Many banks have a new kind of Christmas club in operation. The new club helps you save money to pay for last year's gifts.

WOD: Jollification-n-Merrymaking; festivity; revelry.

AWOD: Christmas-n-a race to see which gives out first - your money or your feet.

• LYRIC: “I bear more grudges than lowly high-court judges.”—Morrissey: The More You Ignore Me.

December 18, 2003

• A good notation has a subtlety and suggestiveness which at times make it almost seem like a live teacher.—Bertrand Russell, (1872-1970)
• To perceive Christmas through its wrapping becomes more difficult with every year.—Elwyn Brooks White, (1809-1985)
• There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.—Erma Bombeck
• The best of all gifts around any Christmas tree: the presence of a happy family all wrapped up in each other.—Burton Hillis
• The magi, as you know, were wise men - wonderfuly wise men who brought gifts to the Babe in the manger. They invented the art of giving Christmas presents.—O. Henry
• The perfect gift for the man who has everything: a calendar to remind him when payments are due.

WOD: Beneficence-n-the act of doing good; active goodness, kindness, or charity.

• AWOD: Christmas-n-a period extending until January 6^th and beginning earlier and earlier every year.
• LYRIC:  “So this is Christmas, and what have you done?  Another year over.  A new one just begun.”—John Lennon:  War is Over

January 6, 2004

New Year's Day is every man's birthday.—Charles Lamb

The object of a new year is not that we should have a new year.  It is that we should have a new soul.—G.K. Chesterton

It was at a really lame New Year’s Eve party.  The host decided to start the countdown at 10,000.—David Letterman

An optimist stays up until midnight to see the new year in.  A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.—Bill Vaughan

Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account.—Oscar Wilde

My two New Year’s resolutions:

1. To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

2. To tolerate fools more gladly, provided this does not encourage them to take up more of my time.

WOD: Neoteric-adj-recent in origin; modern; new

AWOD: New Year's resolution-n-something that goes in one year and out the other. 

LYRIC: “Nothing changes on New Year’s Day.”—U2

January 8, 2004

• Gravity cannot be held responsible for people falling in love.—Einstein
• Cruelty towards others is always also cruelty towards ourselves. —Paul Tillich
• A home is ruled by the sickest person in it.—Nitzberg’s Observation
• I’ve been on a diet for two weeks, and all I’ve lost is two weeks.—Totie Fields
• Man does not live by words alone, despite the fact that sometimes he has to eat them.—Adlai Stevenson
• Chicken Little only has to be right once.
• WOD: Clamber-v-To climb with difficulty, or on all fours; to scramble.
• AWOD: Gravity-n-that depressing force that always gets you down.
• LYRIC: “Step up, step up, step up the sky is open-armed.  When the light is mine, I felt gravity pull onto my eyes.”—REM: Feeling Gravity’s Pull

January 12, 2004

• Space isn't remote at all. It's only an hour's drive away if your car could go straight upwards.
  -Fred Hoyle, Astronomer, mathematician, writer (1915- )
• To give real service you must add something which cannot be bought or measured with money, and that is sincerity and integrity.—Donald A. Adams
• Join in the new game that's sweeping the country. It's called "Bureaucracy". Everybody stands in a circle. The first person to do anything loses.
• Does a radioactive cat have eighteen half-lives?—Schroedinger
• You guys pair up in groups of three, then line up in a circle.— Bill Peterson, FSU coach
• Beethoven had 10 children and practiced on a spinster in the attic.—The Philadelphia Bulletin
• WOD: Gustatory-adj-of or pertaining to the sense of taste.
• AWOD: Adventure-n-somewhere between entertainment and panic.
• LYRIC: “So we open up a quarrel / Between the present and the past / We only sacrifice the future / It's the bitterness that lasts”—Mike and the Mechanics: Living Years

January 14, 2004

• Calculus required continuity, and continuity was supposed to require the infinitely little; but nobody could discover what the infinitely little might be.—Bertrand Russell (1872-1970)
• Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important ongoing activity.—Paul Goodman
• If modern civilized man had to kill the animals he ate, the number of vegetarians would rise astronomically.—Christian Morganstern: Philosopher
• He treats us like men. He lets us wear earrings.—Torrin Polk, U of H, on his coach, John Jenkins
• I've studied the lyrics note by note.—Gary Barlow (Take That)
• That's the most unheard of thing I ever heard of.—Senator Joseph McCarthy
• WOD: Morass-n-something that hinders, engulfs, or overwhelms; -or- soggy land
• AWOD: Ambassador-n-an honest man sent to lie abroad for the good of his country.—Sir Henry Wotton
• LYRIC: “I love you oh so well, like a kid loves candy and fresh snow.”—Dave Matthews: Oh

January 16, 2004

• Children today are tyrants. They contradict their parents, gobble their food, and tyrannize their teachers.—Socrates
• Do good by stealth, and blush to find it fame.—Alexander Pope (1688-1744) English Poet
• I got an ant farm. Them fellas didn't grow [squat].—Mitch Heberg
• All racists who are prepared to die for their country, please do that now.
• Sects, sects, sects... Is that all you monks think about?
• He who stand on toilet seat is high on pot.—Confucius
• WOD: Tergiversation-n-the act of practicing evasion or of being deliberately ambiguous. –or- the act of abandoning a party or cause.
• AWOD: Trying-v-the first step towards failure.—Homer Simpson
• LYRIC: "Could I have been anyone other than me?"—Dave Matthews: Dancing Nancies

January 20, 2004

• All the troubles of man come from his not knowing how to sit still.—Blaise Pascal
• The road to happiness lies in two simple principles: find what it is that interests you and that you can do well, and when you find it, put your whole soul into it -- every bit of energy and ambition and natural ability you have.—John D. Rockefeller III
• Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.—Confucius
• Flee at once, all is discovered!
• If most people said what's on their minds, they'd be speechless.—Alfred E. Neuman
• Those who say that words can never hurt them, never got hit in the head with a dictionary.
• WOD:  Penury-n-extreme poverty; destitution
• AWOD: Honest Person-n-Someone you could play checkers with over the phone.
• LYRIC: “Sometimes sanity takes vacation time on me.”—Savage Garden: The Best Thing

January 22, 2004

• ...the source of all great mathematics is the special case, the concrete example. It is frequent in mathematics that every instance of a concept of seemingly great generality is in essence the same as a small and concrete special case.—Paul Halmos
• We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give.—Norman MacFinan
• I am a believer in punctuality, though it makes me very lonely.—E.V. Lucas
• When we lose, I eat.  When we win, I eat.  I also eat when we are rained out.—Former Dodger Manager, Tommy Lasorda
• English Professor: “In the English language, a double negative implies a positive, but know where does a double positive imply a negative.”  Student: “Yah, right!”
• Everybody repeat after me . . ."We are all individuals."
• WOD: Ersatz-adj-being an inferior imitation or substitute; artificial
• AWOD: Aftermath-n-the period of time following a calculus exam.
• LYRIC: “The tick-tock of the clock is painful, all sane and logical.  I want to tear it off the wall.”—Eve 6

January 26, 2004

• For God's sake, please give it up. Fear it no less than the sensual passion, because it, too, may take up all your time and deprive you of your health, peace of mind and happiness in life.—Wolfgang Bolyai [To son János:]
• There are no shortcuts to any place worth going.-- Beverly Sills, American Opera Singer
• Praise undeserved is satire in disguise.—Henry Broadhurst
• It is not an optical illusion, it just looks like one.—Phil White
• New York City: No matter how many times I visit this great city, I'm always struck by the same thing: a yellow taxi cab.—Scott Adams
• He asked me if I knew what time it was.  I said, "Yes, but not right now.”
• WOD:  Peripatetic-adj- Of or pertaining to walking about or traveling from place to place; itinerant.
• AWOD: Bankruptcy-n-a legal proceeding in which you put your money in your pants pocket and give your coat to the creditors.—Joey Adams.
• LYRIC: “Just remember in the winter/Far beneath the bitter snow/Lies the seed that with the sun's love/In the spring becomes the rose.”—Conway Twitty: The Rose

January 28, 2004

• Whenever someone asks me what two plus two equals, I just shake my head and laugh at them for asking such a dumb question, even though I really don't know the answer. What gullible fools.—Will Gillespie
• I am always doing things I can't do, that's how I get to do them.—Pablo Picasso
• I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
• A cement mixer collided with a prison van on the Kingston Pass.  Motorists are asked to be on the lookout for sixteen hardened criminals.—Ronnie Corbett
• I can write better than anybody who can write faster, and I can write faster than anybody who can write better.—A. J. Liebling (1904-1963)
• Lord Birkenhead is very clever, but sometimes his brains go to his head—Margot Asquith
• WOD: Frangible-adj-Capable of being broken; brittle; fragile; easily broken.
• AWOD: Landing-n-a controlled mid-air collision with a planet.
• LYRIC: “I know someday you'll have a beautiful life/I know you'll be a star, in somebody else's sky/But why, why, why can't it be mine?”—Pearl Jam: Black:

January 30, 2004

• You have to run as fast as you can just to stay where you are.  If you want to get anywhere, you'll have to run much faster.—Lewis Carroll
• Men have become the tools of their tools.—Henry David Thoreau
• Bert: “Ernie, you have a banana in your ear.”  Ernie: “What was that, Bert?  I’m sorry. I couldn’t hear you.  I had a banana in my ear.
• I loathe people who keep dogs. They are cowards who haven't got the guts to bite people themselves.—Jim Harrison
• My watch is three hours fast, and I can't fix it.  So I'm going to move to New York.
• One of the major functions of skin is to keep people who look at you from throwing up.—Actual exam answer
• WOD: Abeyance-n-Suspension; temporary cessation.
•  AWOD: Cannibal-n-a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.—Morey Amsterdam
• LYRIC: “The words of the prophets are written on the subway walls and tenement halls.”—Simon and Garfunkel: Sound of Silence

February 3, 2004

• In my experience most mathematicians are intellectually lazy and especially dislike reading experimental papers. He (René Thom) seemed to have very strong biological intuitions but unfortunately of negative sign.—Francis Harry Compton Crick
• Americans always try to do the right thing—after they've tried everything else.—Winston Churchill
• Any small object when dropped will hide under a larger object.
• Four years ago...  No, it was yesterday. Today I...  No, that wasn't me.  Sometimes I...  No, I don't.
• What is the difference between apathy and ignorance? I don't know and I don't care.
• There come's a time in the affairs of a man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.—W. C. Fields
• WOD: Slaver-v- To slobber; to drool.
• AWOD: Kleptomaniac-n-a person who helps himself because he can't help himself
• LYRIC: “Women seem wicked/when you're unwanted/Faces look ugly/When you’re alone.”—Jim Morrison: People are strange

February 5, 2004

• [Mathematics] is an independent world created out of pure intelligence.—William Wordsworth
• Don't be irreplaceable, if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.
• ... I was walking home one night and a guy hammering on a roof called me a paranoid little weirdo... in Morse code...
• Stealing a rhinoceros should not be attempted lightly.
• If everything is going well, you don't know what the hell is Going on.
• Excellent, there's nothing quite like a blunt object to reinforce proper administration ethics.—Simon Travaglia
• WOD: Timorous-adj- Full of apprehensiveness; timid; fearful.
• AWOD: Ambition-n-a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
• LYRIC: “When you get the choice to sit it out or dance, I hope you dance.”—Leanne Womack: I Hope You Dance

February 9, 2004

• The human mind has first to construct forms, independently, before we can find them in things.—Albert Einstein
• Never do today what you can do tomorrow. Something may occur to make you regret your premature action.—Aaron Burr
• If it wasn't for the last minute, nothing would get done.
• You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.
• It's not hard to meet expenses; they're everywhere.
• We pretend to work because they pretend to pay us.
• WOD: Obstreperous-adj-noisily and stubbornly defiant
• AWOD: Intellectual Snob-n-someone who can listen to the William Tell Overture and not think of The Lone Ranger.—Dan Rather
• LYRIC:  “You get what you put in, and people get what they deserve.”—Kid Rock: Only God Knows Why

February 11, 2004

Computers are composed of nothing more than logic gates stretched out to the horizon in a vast numerical irrigation system.—Stan Augarten

In the realm of human destiny, the depth of man's questioning is more important than his answers.—Andre Malraux

My wife always keeps a bowl of wax fruit around, even though neither of us knows any mannequins.—Steven Wright

Somewhere on this globe, every ten seconds, there is a woman giving birth to a child. She must be found and stopped.—Sam Levenson (1911-1980)

The Clairvoyant Society has cancelled today's meeting due to unforeseen circumstances.

For your convenience our staff is fluent in monosyllabic grunts.

WOD: Asperity-n-roughness of surface, sound, or manner.

AWOD: Morality-n-the attitude we adopt towards people whom we dislike.

LYRIC: “Thoughts meander like a restless wind inside a letter box, They tumble blindly as they make their way across the universe.”—The Beatles: Across the Universe

February 13, 2004

• ...mathematical proofs, like diamonds, are hard and clear, and will be touched with nothing but strict reasoning.—John Locke
• At the end of the day, all money gets you is a better place to watch television.—Dana Carvey
• In the beginning there was nothing... which exploded.—The shortened Big Bang theory
• I know how to spell banana, I just don't know when to stop.
• From there to here, from here to there, funny things are everywhere.—Dr. Seuss
• On the Internet, no one knows you're a dog.
• WOD: Sycophant-n-one who seeks favor by flattery; a toady.
• AWOD: Golf-n-An ineffectual attempt to put an elusive ball into an obscure hole with implements ill-adapted to the purpose
• LYRIC: "Long you live, High you fly, Smiles you give, And tears you cry, All you touch, And all you see, It's all your life will ever be"—Pink Floyd

February 18, 2004

• Don't worry about people stealing your ideas.  If your ideas are any good, you'll have to ram them down people's throats.—Howard Aiken
• Adding manpower to a late project is like getting nine women pregnant in hopes of obtaining a baby in one month.
• To be or not to be that is the *fzbt*.—Typing monkey #1988423774638247853487
• There's nothing sadder than watching a mosquito try to suck on a mummy.—Jack Handey
• I've got a fever, and the only prescription is more cowbell!—SNL
• ... You can at least teach a dingo to fetch. The problem is, it can take years to teach it the difference between a baby and a stick.—Kerry Cue
• WOD: Largesse-n-the liberal and generous bestowing of gifts in a lofty or condescending manner.
• AWOD: Bulletin-n-a brochure of parish information read only during the homily.
• LYRIC:  "Whatever tomorrow brings, I'll be there with open arms and open eyes."—Incubus: Drive

February 20, 2004

There are many questions which fools can ask that wise men cannot answer.—George Polyá (1887, 1985)

Make yourself an honest man, and then you may be sure that there is one less scoundrel in the world.—Thomas Carlyle (1795-1881) Scottish Writer

Starve the ego, feed the mind.

I have a map of the United States...  Actual size.  It says, "Scale:  1 mile =1 mile."  I spent last summer folding it.—Steven Wright

Life is not all lovely thorns and singing vultures, you know.—Morticia, The Addams Family

Today’s episode of Big Bird meets Salvador Dali has been brought to you by the numbers L and ), and by the letter 3.

WOD: Ascerbic-adj-Sharp or biting, as in character or expression

AWOD:  Hero-n-the shortest-lived profession on earth.—Will Rogers

LYRIC: "Everything ends up okay, if it isn't okay then it isn't the end"—Dave Matthews Band

February 25, 2004

• There are two ways of exerting one's strength: one is pushing down, the other is pulling up.—Booker T. Washington
• Why is it that our memory is good enough to retain the least triviality that happens to us, and yet not good enough to recollect how often we have told it to the same person?—La Rochefoucauld
• The Schizophrenic: an unauthorized autobiography
• If I were a landlord and owned apartments at the bottom of the ocean, I would be sure the            tenants' leases stipulated that they could not sue me for water damage or shark bites.—Gene Burrell
• In the beginning there were three... and then the three became nine... and  then the nine got hungry and then there were four...—Gerard Phillips
• I'm not saying my wife's a bad cook exactly but we have a complete set of soup knives.
• WOD: Flibbertigibbet-n-A silly, flighty, or scatterbrained person, especially a pert young woman with such qualities.
• AWOD: Old-n-when you get the same sensation from a rocking chair that you once got from a rolling coaster.
• LYRIC: "The future is no place to place your better days."—Dave Matthews Band: Cry Freedom

March 1, 2004

Life is a school of probability.—Walter Bagehot

Do not be too timid and squeamish about your actions. All life is an experiment.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

CONSERVE GRAVITY: Give up skiing and skydiving for more horizontal sports like curling.

For every action there is an equal and opposite government program.

All power corrupts, but we need electricity.

I talk too much. I had to join a self-help group called ON-AND-ON ANON . . .

WOD:  Plaintive-adj-expressive of sorrow or melancholy.

AWOD: Irrationality-n-the square root of all evil.—Douglas Hofstadter

LYRIC: “Don’t wait to live life, ‘cause it won’t wait for you.”—George Strait: Go On

March 3, 2004

• Flappity, floppity, flip
  The mouse on the Mobius strip;
  The strip revolved,
  The mouse dissolved
  In a chronodimensional skip.
• Each of us is great insofar as we perceive and act on the infinite possibilities which lie undiscovered and unrecognized about us.—James Harvey Robinson
• If I had any humility I would be perfect.-- Ted Turner
• Wagner's music is better than it sounds.—Mark Twain
• There was a robbery at the police station. Someone stole all of the toilet seats. The cops don't have a thing to go on!
• I am returning this otherwise good typing paper to you because someone has printed gibberish all over it and put your name at the top.—English Professor, Ohio University
• WOD: Opprobrium-n- Disgrace, infamy; reproach mingled with contempt.
• AWOD: Democracy-n-the recurrent suspicion that more than half of the people are right more than half of the time.—E. B. White
• LYRIC: “I love my lady, she’s long and lean.  You mess with her, you’ll see a man getting mean.”—SRV: Pride and Joy

March 16, 2004

• Man is the best computer we can put aboard a spacecraft ... and the only one that can be mass produced with unskilled labor.—Wernher von Braun
• The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.—J. Harold Wilkins
• I love criticism, just so long as it’s unqualified praise—Sir Noel Coward, (1899-1973)
• Afterwards, the universe will explode for your pleasure.—Douglas Adams, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe
• The way to tell a field hand from an office hand is as follows: An office hand will use the restroom, then wash hands; A field hand will wash hands then use the restroom.
• Unite against togetherness!
• WOD:  Hector-v- To intimidate or harass in a blustering way; to bully.
• AWOD:  Mosquito-n-the state bird of New Jersey.—Andy Warhol
• LYRIC: “I got a lot to say, I got a lot to say, I got a lot to say. I can't remember now, I can't remember now, I can't remember now.”—Ramones: Got Alot To Say

March 18, 2004

In the pure mathematics we contemplate absolute truths which existed in the divine mind before the morning stars sang together, and which will continue to exist there when the last of their radiant host shall have fallen from heaven.—Edward Everett (1794-1865)

Enthusiasm is the best protection in any situation. Wholeheartedness is contagious. Give yourself, if you wish to get others.—David Seabury

Politicians prefer unarmed peasants

If it weren't for physics and law enforcement, I'd be unstoppable.

Anything that is too stupid to be spoken is sung.—Voltaire

• From now on Honey, we'll be spelling everything with letters.—Homer Simpson

WOD:  Miasma-n-a harmful, polluting, or bad influence

AWOD:  Cynic-n-a person searching for an honest man, with a stolen lantern.—Edgar A. Shoaff

LYRIC:  “I know there’s a better place than this place I’m living.  And I just got to have some faith, and just keep on giving.”—Los Lonely Boys: Heaven

March 22, 2004

• It is the perennial youthfulness of mathematics itself which marks it off with a disconcerting immortality from the other sciences.—Eric Temple Bell (1883-1960)
• The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.—Charles Du Bos

• Some days even my lucky rocketship underpants won't help.—Calvin and Hobbes

• A man hit my fender the other day and I said unto him, 'Be fruitful and multiply.' But not in those words.
• Having a smoking section in a restaurant is a little like having a peeing section in a swimming pool.
• When all else fails, make fun of Donny Osmond.—Jon Stewart
• WOD:  Lambast-v- To give a thrashing to; to beat severely.  To scold sharply; to attack verbally; to berate
• AWOD: Good news-n-life's way of keeping you off balance.:
• LYRIC:  “I was so much older then, I'm younger than that now.”—Bob Dylan: My Back Pages

April 7, 2004

• Mathematicians boast of their exacting achievements, but in reality they are absorbed in mental acrobatics and contribute nothing to society.—Sorai Ogyu (1666 - 1729)
• There is work that is work and there is play that is play; there is play that is work and work that is play. And in only one of these lie happiness.—Gelett Burgess
• The most beautiful flower in the world will kill you if you snort the pedals up your nose.—Wayne Allred
• They say Washington DC is filled with beautiful, intelligent young women looking for husbands. Hey, I'm a husband!
• There are two kinds of people in this world, and I am one of them.—Dave Barry
• Never use while sleeping.—Instruction on Conair hair dryer
• WOD: Doughty-adj-marked by fearless resolution; brave; valiant
• AWOD: Economics-n-an extremely useful form of employment for economists.—John Kenneth Galbraith
• LYRIC:  “I understand about indecision, but I don't care if I get behind. People living in competition, all I want is to have my peace of mind.”—Boston: Peace Of Mind

April 13, 2004

• To your care and recommendation am I indebted for having replaced a half-blind mathematician with a mathematician with both eyes, which will especially please the anatomical members of my Academy.—Frederick the Great (1712-1786)
• For attractive lips, speak words of kindness. For lovely eyes, seek out the good in people. For a slim figure, share your food with the hungry. For beautiful hair, let a child run his or her fingers through it once a day.  For poise, walk with the knowledge that you'll never walk alone.—Audrey Hepburn (1929-1993)
• I wear the pants in my house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear.
• Knowledge pursues me, but I am faster.—Vienna tram graffiti
• Nothing spoils the taste of peanut butter like unrequited love.—Charlie Brown
• Free puppies: 1/2 cocker spaniel, 1/2 sneaky neighbor's dog.—Classified Ad
• WOD:  Unrequited-adj-not reciprocated or returned in kind
• AWOD: Indecision-n-the key to flexibility.
• LYRIC:  “If you smile at me I will understand, cause that is something everybody everywhere does in the same language.”—Crosby, Stills, and Nash: Wooden Ships

April 15, 2004

Mathematics, as much as music or any other art, is one of the means by which we rise to a complete self-consciousness. The significance of mathematics resides precisely in the fact that it is an art; by informing us of the nature of our own minds it informs us of much that depends on our minds.—John William Navin Sullivan (1886-1937)

Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.—Robert Brault

Earth first. We'll screw up the other planets later.—Bumper Sticker

Me fail English? That's unpossible!—Ralph Wiggums, The Simpsons

We are searching for rational reasons for believing in the absurd.

Do you want to know how to keep someone in suspense?

WOD:  Truckle-v-to act in a subservient manner; to yield or acquiesce.

AWOD:  Efficiency-n-intelligent laziness

LYRIC:  “It seems to me, sorry seems to be the hardest word.”—Elton John

April 19, 2004

• He who can properly define and divide is to be considered a god.—Plato (ca 429-347 BC)
• Excellence is an art won by training and habituation. We do not act rightly because we have virtue or excellence, but rather we have those because we have acted rightly. We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act but a habit.—Aristotle

• There are two choices in life: Stay single and be miserable, or get married and wish you were dead.

• Work harder: People on welfare depend on you.—Bumper Sticker
• Sometimes I dream that a big, giant squirrel is carrying me away. Does that make me a nut?
• Real eyes realize real lies.
• WOD:  Perfidy-n-a violation of an oath or vow; faithlessness; treachery
• AWOD:  Appeal-v-in law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.—Ambrose Bierce
• LYRIC:  “It's been a hard day's night.”—The Beatles: A Hard Day's Night

April 21, 2004

• When introduced at the wrong time or place, good logic may be the worst enemy of good teaching.—George Polyá (1887, 1985)
• Our defense is like the Pythagorean Theorem. There is no answer.—Shaquile O'Neal.
• People who are fond of laws and sausages should not look too closely at how they are made.—Otto Von Bismark
• I argue very well. Ask any of my remaining friends. I can win an argument on any topic, against any opponent. People know this, and steer clear of me at parties. Often, as a sign of their great respect, they don't even invite me.—Dave Barry
• LIBRARY PARKING ONLY: violators will be held in low esteem.—Local library parking sign
• I like to play blackjack. I'm not addicted to gambling; I'm addicted to sitting in a semi-circle.—Mitch Hedberg
• WOD:  Pettifogger-n-an unscrupulous lawyer; shyster –or- a person who quibbles over trivia.
• AWOD:  Apple-n-a nutritious lunchtime dessert which children trade for cupcakes.
• LYRIC:  “Love when you can, cry when you have to, be who you must, that's a part of the plan. Await your arrival with simple survival, and one day we'll all understand.”—Dan Fogelberg: Part Of The Plan

April 23, 2004

• If a lunatic scribbles a jumble of mathematical symbols it does not follow that the writing means anything merely because to the inexpert eye it is indistinguishable from higher mathematics.—Eric Temple Bell (1883-1960)
• All you need is ignorance and confidence and the success is sure.—Mark Twain
• The great thing about being a pessimist is that you are either always right, or pleasantly disproven.
• Harassing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!
• One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject.
• When it comes to procrastinating, I do it right away.
• WOD:  Bombastic-adj-marked by grand eloquence; pompous speech or writing
• AWOD:  Architect-n-one who drafts a plan of your house, and plans a draft of your money.—Ambrose Bierce
• LYRIC:

April 21, 2004

Science is built up with facts, as a house is with stones. But a collection of facts is no more a science than a heap of stones is a house.—Jules Henri Poincaré (1854-1912)

Mot

FREE air guitar with every issue bought.—Total Guitar Magazine

They misunderestimated me.—George "Dubya" Bush

I NEVER apologize Lisa! I'm sorry, that's just not the way I am.—Homer Simpson

I am looking forward to regretting this.—Bumper Sticker

WOD:  Recrudescent-adj-breaking out again after a temporary abatement, like an epidemic.

AWOD:  Archive-n-Where Noah stored the bees.

LYRIC:

May 3, 2004

• Every mathematician worthy of the name has experienced ... the state of lucid exaltation in which one thought succeeds another as if miraculously... this feeling may last for hours at a time, even for days. Once you have experienced it, you are eager to repeat it but unable to do it at will, unless perhaps by dogged work...Andre Weil (1906 -?)

• The virtues of being punctual are largely offset by having to wait for people who aren't.

• 99% of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
• I was standing in the park, wondering why Frisbees got bigger as they came closer... then it hit me!
• What you think is a white horse in the park could be a zebra synchronized with the railings.
• I don’t usually get compliments, so I was surprised when the phone company rang me up to say that I had an outstanding account.
• WOD:  Gauche-adj-lacking social polish; tactless; awkward; clumsy.
• AWOD:  Auditor-n-someone who arrives after the battle and bayonets all the wounded.
• LYRIC: