2005-2006 school year

August 23, 2005

·         A mathematician . . . is a man of intuitive judgment in the choice of the manipulative processes he employs.—Vannevar Bush

·         Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow. The important thing is not to stop questioning.—Albert Einstein.

·         Sleeping Students Sometimes Salivate Sloppily on Schoolwork.

·         Homework helps hone helpful habits.

·         Painful persistence pertaining to particular procedures promotes prolonged procurement of proper practices.

·         Mathematical mastery mitigates matriculation misery.

·         WOD:  Matriculation-v-to enroll, admit, or be admitted into a group, especially a college or university.

·         AWOD: Education-n-the path from cocky ignorance to miserable uncertainty—Mark Twain

·         LYRIC:  “There comes a time, in every man’s life, when decisions have to be made, whether to toil, to labor, or just plain[waste] your days away, away, away . . .”—Dropkick Murphys: Caught In A Jar

August 25, 2005

In order to make an apple pie from scratch, you must first create the universe.  -- Carl Sagan, Cosmos,

·         When we accept tough jobs as a challenge to our ability and wade into them with joy and enthusiasm, miracles can happen.—Arland Gilbert

·         If ants are such busy workers, how come they find time to go to all the picnics?  -- Marie Dressler,

·         If this is coffee, please bring me some tea; but if this is tea, please bring me some coffee.  -- Abraham Lincoln,

·         In some ways we are more confused than ever, but we feel that we are confused on a higher level and about more important things.,

·         My dad is so fast.  He works for the government.  He gets off work at 5:00 and is home by 4:30.,

·         WOD:  Peccadillo-n-a slight offense; a petty fault.

·         AWOD:  Accountability-n-the mother of caution.—Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC:  “Say hey Johnny boy the battle call united we stand, divided we fall, together we are what we can’t be alone. . . “—Boys On The Dock: Sung before every Unicorn Football game

August 29, 2005

·         Long computations that yield zero are probably all for naught.,

·         Little things affect little minds.—Benjamin Disraeli,

·         Satisfaction Guaranteed or Double Your Garbage Back.—Green Disposal in Ogden, UT,

·         She talks so fast that trying to interject is like threading the needle of a sewing machine while it's running.—Nelda Flynn,

·         How did people ever look busy before computers? –Ratbert

·         How do you keep a moron in suspense?

·         WOD:  Bagatelle-n-A trifle; a thing of little or no importance.

·         AWOD:  Racehorse-n-An animal that can take several thousand people for a ride at one time.

·         LYRIC:  “Right now, oysters are being robbed of their sole possession.”—Van Halen

August 31, 2005

·         I look at Euler's equation, and life suddenly gets a little better.—Steve Park,

·         I have great faith in fools - self confidence my friends call it.—Edgar Allan Poe,

·         Hypochondria is the only disease I haven't got.

·         I am an Aquarius, and Aquarians don't believe in astrology.

·         I am both soldier number four-seven-seven-zero and six-eight-two-one, sir.  I have a nick-number.

·         I cannot remember having a more memorable time.

·         WOD:  Venial-adj-Capable of being forgiven; not heinous; excusable; pardonable.

·         AWOD:  Ambidextrous-adj-able to pick with equal skill a right-hand pocket or a left.—Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC:  “I can't complain, but sometimes I still do.”—Joe Walsh

September 2, 2005

·         When I hear that something is selling at a fraction of its normal cost, I comment that the fraction is probably 4/3, and am met with a blank stare.—John Allen Paulos

·         What sets worlds in motion is the interplay of differences, their attractions and repulsions; life is plurality, death is uniformity.—Octavio Paz

·         When the 50 dwarves dwindled down to 8, everyone began to suspect Hungry.

·         This space intentionally left what would otherwise be blank were this not here.

·         The way to make a small fortune in the commodities market is to start with a large fortune.

·         The main thing is to keep the main thing the main thing.—Henry Breckenridge

·         WOD:  Trammel-n,adj- Something that hampers, or to hamper; to hinder the activity, progress, or freedom of.

·         AWOD:  Ocean-n-a body of water occupying about two-thirds of a world made for man - who has no gills.—Ambrose Bierce,

·         LYRIC:  “What I am is what I am.  Are you what you are or what?”—Edie Brickell

September 7, 2005

·         Doveriai no proveriai. (Trust but verify.)—Russian proverb, as quoted by Reagan,

·         MOT:  There is nothing worse than aggressive stupidity.—Johann Wolfgang von Goethe,

·         The opposite of talking isn't listening.  The opposite of talking is waiting.  -- Fran Liebowitz,

·         The point to remember is that what the Government gives it must first take away.  -- John S. Caldwell,

·         The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick.,

·         It now costs more to amuse a child than it once did to educate his father.,

·         WOD:  Farrago-n-A confused mixture; an assortment; a medley.

·         AWOD: Life-n-A continuous process of getting used to things you didn't expect.,

·         LYRIC:  “The question to everyone's answer is usually asked from within.”—The Steve Miller Band,

September 9, 2005

A great truth is a truth whose opposite is also a great truth.—Thomas Mann (1875-1955), Essay on Freud. 1937

We pay a person the compliment of acknowledging his superiority whenever we lie to him.—Samuel Butler

He’s very superstitious—he thinks it is unlucky to walk under a black cat.—Max Kauffmann

Although he is a bad fielder, he is also a very poor batter.—Ring Lardner

A doctor can bury his mistakes, but an architect can only advise his client to plant vines.—Frank Lloyd Wright

The best quotations never quite fi

WOD:  Demagogue-n-A leader who obtains power by means of impassioned appeals to the emotions and prejudices of the populace.

AWOD:  Criminal-n-A person with predatory instincts who has not sufficient capital to form a corporation.—Howard Scott

LYRIC:  “I like to Ote-Ote-Ote Ohpilles and Ban Ohhn Ohhs.”—Raffi: Apples and Bananas

September 13, 2005

·         NONE

September 15, 2005

September 19, 2005

·         Contempt for happiness is usually contempt for other people's happiness, and is an elegant disguise for hatred of the human race.—Bertrand Russell,

·         Be courageous.  It's the only place left uncrowded.—Anita Roddick,

·         Caution:  your paradigms may have shifted while reading this message.,

·         Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.,

·         Corners wear off, said the big O, and shapes change.—Shel Silverstein,

·         Go around the barn at high noon to avoid colloquialisms.

·         WOD:  Cavil-v,n-To raise trivial or frivolous objections; to find fault without good reason; or- A trivial objection.

·         AWOD:  Budget, n.:  A mathematical confirmation of your suspicions.

·        LYRIC:  “Don't let your mouth write no check that your tail can't cash.”—Bo Diddley,

September, 21 2005

·         The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination.  But the combination is locked up in the safe.—Peter DeVries

·         You can't build a reputation based on what you are going to do.—Henry Ford

·         Thankfully, by the year 2026 rash predictions will be a thing of the past.

·         Well, it may be all right in practice, but it will never work in theory.—Warren Buffet on how the academic community regards his investment approach

·         Winnie the Pooh and Alexander the Great have the same middle name.

·         Those who forget this sentence are condemned to reread it.

·         WOD:  Immure-v- to enclose within or as if within walls.

·         AWOD:  Cow-n-nothing but a machine which makes grass fit for people to eat.—John McNulty

·        LYRIC:  “You may be right.  I may be crazy.  But it just may be a lunatic you're looking for.”—Billy Joel

September 26, 2005

·         The intelligence of any discussion diminishes with the square of the number of participants.—Adam Walinsky

·         The important thing is this: To be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.—Charles duBois,

·         The idea of daylight-savings is like trying to be taller by cutting off your head and standing on it.

·         Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.

·         In theory, there is no difference between theory and practice.  But, in practice, there is.

·         The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.—Russell Beland

·         WOD:  Afflatus-n-A divine imparting of knowledge; inspiration.

·         AWOD:  Iguana-n-The other green meat.

·        LYRIC:  “I used to be disgusted, now I try to stay amused.”—Elvis Costello

September 28, 2005

·         The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the same level of thinking we were at when we created them.—Albert Einstein,

·         A woman uses her intelligence to find reasons to support her intuition.—G.K. Chesterton

·         Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.—Aldous Huxley

·         With a rubber duck, one is never alone.—Douglas Adams,

·         Another genius foiled by an incapable assistant.—Calvin

·         You will spend the rest of your life in the future.

·         WOD:  Gimcrack-n-A showy but useless or worthless object; a gewgaw.

·         AWOD:  Information-n-the currency of democracy.—Thomas Jefferson

·         LYRIC:  “Hello, it's me.  I'm not at home.  If you'd like to reach me, leave me alone.”—Sheryl Crow

October 4, 2005

·         The proof is left as an exercise for the reader.--Pierre de Fermat,

·         Winning isn't everything, but the will to win is everything.—Vince Lombardi

·         This sentence no verb.

·         Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.—Oscar Wilde

·         The human race is faced with a cruel choice: work or daytime television.

·         Reincarnation is making a comeback.

·         Lugubrious-adj-Mournful; indicating sorrow, often ridiculously or feignedly; doleful; woeful; pitiable; gloomy; dismal; as, "a whining tone and a lugubrious look."

·         Ph.D.-n-a degree requiring a thesis that is nothing but the transference of bones from one graveyard to another.—J. Frank Dobie, A Texan in England, 1945,

·         LYRIC:  “There's many lost, but tell me, who has won?”—U2: Sunday Bloody Sunday

October 6, 2005

To solve this differential equation, you look at it until a solution occurs to you.—George Polya,

Go as far as you can see; when you get there you'll be able to see farther.  -- Thomas Carlyle

My wife and I have a perfect understanding.  I don't try to run her life and I don't try to run mine.

If your nose is running and your feet smell, you must be upside down.

Honest criticism is hard to take, particularly from a relative, a friend, an acquaintance, or a stranger.

Neurotics build castles in the air.  Psychotics live in them, and Psychiatrists charge rent.

WOD:  Sempiternal-adj-Of never ending duration; having beginning but no end; everlasting; endless.

AWOD:  Irrationality-n-the square root of all evil.—Douglas Hofstadter,

LYRIC:  “Welcome to wherever you are.  This is your life.  You’ve made it this far.  You’ve gotta believe that right here, right now, you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.”—Bon Jovi

October 10, 2005

·         Given any real number X, X=0 unless it equals something else.

·         Pick battles big enough to matter, small enough to win.—Jonathan Kozol

·         If you can count your money, you don't have a billion dollars.—J. Paul Getty

·         Forewarned is forarmed... but four arms do not great feets make.

·         Place pronouns as close as possible, especially in long sentences, as of 10 or more words, to their antecedents.

·         Refuse to be doused by the buckets of ignorance and lassitude!

·         WOD:  Lacissitude-n- A state or feeling of weariness, diminished energy, or listlessness.

·         AWOD:  Ghoti-n-Fish, with \gh\ as in enough, \o\ as in women, and \ti\ as in –tion—George Bernard Shaw

·         LYRIC:  “If you complain once more, you'll meet an army of me.”—Bjork

October 12, 2005

·         Differentials are the ghosts of departed quantities.—Alfred North Whitehead

·         Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?—Abraham Lincoln

·         But enough of me.  Let's talk about you.  What do YOU think of me?—Bette Midler

·         Children need encouragement.  So if a kid gets an answer right, tell him it was a lucky guess.  That way, he develops a good, lucky feeling.—Jack Handey

·         Crime is so rampant in most big cities that now even muggers travel in pairs.

·         By day, it's a really uncomfortable couch.  By night, it's an even more uncomfortable bed.  Futon: ask for it by name.

·         WOD:  Discombobulate-v-to throw into a state of confusion.

·         AWOD:  Yawn-n-a silent shout.—G.K. Chesterton,

·         LYRIC:  “He wants a shoehorn, the kind with teeth, cause he knows there's no such thing.”—They Might Be Giants

October 14, 2005

·         There are 10 to the 11 stars in the galaxy.  That used to be a *huge* number.  But it's only a hundred billion.  It's less than the national deficit!  We used to call them astronomical numbers.  Now we should call them economical numbers.—Richard Feynman

·         Worry does not take the pain out of tomorrow; it merely takes the joy out of today.

·         There will be a rain dance Friday night, weather permitting.—George Carlin

·         You know you've landed gear-up when it takes full power to taxi.

·         There is one cheap gimmick that should be avoided at all costs.............. suspense.

·         Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.—Frank Zappa

·         WOD:  Sinecure-n-An office or position that requires or involves little or no responsibility, work, or active service.

·         AWOD:  Strike-n-An effort to increase egg production by strangling the chicken.

·        LYRIC:  “The weather is here, wish you were beautiful.”—Jimmy Buffet

October 18, 2005

·         Statistics are like a bikini.  What they reveal is suggestive but what they conceal is vital.—Aaron Levenstein

·         While we are free to choose our actions, we are not free to choose the consequences of our actions.—Stephen Covey

·         Self-contradiction is confusing, and yet strangely enlightening.

·         Sometimes, I like to do nothing and then rest afterwards.

·         When you light up an ant with a magnifying glass it may seem deliberate, but in the ant world, it's known as “spontaneous combustion.”—Simon Li

·         Some people can tell what time it is by looking at the sun, but I've never been able to make out the numbers.—Mark Twain

·         WOD:  Abjure-v-to renounce, reject, or shun.

·         AWOD:  Magazine-n-a bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue

·         LYRIC:  “She got the goldmine.  I got the shaft.  We split it right down the middle, and she got the better half.”—Jerry Reed

October 20, 2005

·         The joy of engineering is to find a straight line on a double logarithmic diagram.

·         The superior man is modest in his speech, but exceeds in his actions.—Confucius

·         Pulchritude possesses solely cutaneous profundity.

·         The hole in a donut and the hole in a toilet seat are made of exactly the same material.  However, you will not sell many donuts by advertising this fact.

·         The thing that impresses me most about America is the way parents obey their children.—Duke of Windsor,

·         Really?  What a coincidence, I'm shallow too!!

·         WOD:  Laconic-adj-using or marked by the use of a minimum of words.

·         AWOD:  Mason-Dixon line-n-the line that separates y'all from the youse guys

·         LYRIC:  “The things that come to those who wait, are the things left behind by those who got there first.”—Aerosmith,

October 25, 2005

·         Order and simplification are the first steps toward the mastery of a subject - the actual enemy is the unknown.—Thomas Mann, The Magic Mountain

·         Only the mediocre can always be at their best.,

·         We're making progress.  Things are getting worse at a slower rate.

·         Paying tolls is like throwing money out the window.

·         We will have solar energy as soon as the utility companies solve one technical problem... how to run a sunbeam through a meter.

·         Our meetings are held to discuss many problems which would never arise if we held fewer meetings.

·         WOD:  Bruit-v-To report; to noise abroad.

·         AWOD:  Textbook-n-a handy location for storing homework assignments, handouts, etc.  usually left at home.--Korpi

·         LYRIC:  “We may lose, and we may win, but we will never be here again.”—Eagles,

October 27, 2005

·         Lumberjacks make good musicians because of their natural logarithms.

·         Lives based on having are less free than lives based either on doing or on being.—William James

·         I don't have to take this abuse from you... I've got hundreds of people waiting to abuse me.—Bill Murray, Ghostbusters

·         Moral loophole:  It is not procrastination if you decide to postpone it RIGHT NOW.

·         I don't mind what Congress does, as long as they don't do it in the streets and frighten the horses.—Victor Hugo

·         I never thought mail was that slow until I got a postcard from Cairo, and there were only two pyramids in the picture.

·         WOD:  Mawkish-akj- Sickly or excessively sentimental.

·         AWOD:  Labor-n-One of the processes by which A acquires property for B.—Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC:  “If you want to destroy my sweater, hold this thread as I walk away.”—Weezer

October 31, 2005

·         Mathematics is a game played according to certain simple rules with meaningless marks on paper.—David Hilbert

·         It is not from the benevolence of the butcher, the brewer, or the baker, that we expect our dinner; but from their regard to their own interest.—Adam Smith

·         You must believe in free-will;  there is no choice.—Isaac Singer

·         Is it just me, or do these hot dogs seem a little light on the pig snouts and rodent hairs and a little heavy on the cow lips?

·         “Hello,” he lied.

·         “I've lost my flower,” said Tom lackadaisically.

·         WOD:  Doppelganger-n-a A spiritual or ghostly double or counterpart.

·         AWOD:  Lawyer-n-a person who can write a 10,000-word document and call it a brief.—Franz Kafka,

·         LYRIC: “You only beat me if you get me to hate.”—Billy Joel

November 2, 2005

·         [Life's] much more fun when the [non-orthogonal] dot-product is non-zero.—Tom Zavisca

·         Be courageous.  It's the only place left uncrowded.—Anita Roddick

·         Do you realize how many holes there could be if people would just take the time to take the dirt out of them?

·         Antidisestablishmentarianism!

·         California is trying to ban spray paint in an attempt to fight graffiti.  Just remember folks, if spray paint is outlawed, only outlaws will have fresh looking patio furniture...

·         By doing just a little every day, I can gradually let the task completely overwhelm me.—Ashleigh Brilliant

·         WOD:  Recidivism-n-a tendency to lapse into a previous condition or pattern of behavior; esp., into prior criminal habits.

·         AWOD:  Antonym-n-The opposite of the word you're trying to think of.

·         LYRIC:  “Bow down before the one you serve; you're going to get what you deserve.”—Nine Inch Nails

November 4, 2005

The hardness of the butter is inversely proportional to the softness of the bread.

There is nothing so fatal to character as half-finished tasks (including homework).—David Lloyd George,

The weak and cowardly have no place in shuffleboard.—Phil Hartman

The first time I walked into a trophy shop, I looked around and thought to myself, “This guy is good!”—Fred Wolf

This sentence will end before you can say

The bureaucracy is expanding to meet the needs of an expanding bureaucracy.

WOD:  Temerity-n-nerve; foolhardy disregard of danger; recklessness.

AWOD:  Politeness-n-The most acceptable hypocrisy.—Ambrose Bierce

LYRIC:  “Take your time.  Hurry up.  The choice is yours.  Don't be late.”—Nirvana

November 8, 2005

·         Probability has turned modern science into a truth casino.—Bart Kosko in Fuzzy Thinking

·         There is no point in work unless it absorbs you like an absorbing game.  If it doesn't absorb you, if it's never fun, don't do it.—D. H. Lawrence

·         One out of every six unaware Americans are not even aware that they are unaware.

·         Prediction is very difficult, especially of the future.—Niels Bohr

·         There is no problem a good miracle can't solve.

·         One can never know for sure what a deserted area looks like.—George Carlin

·         WOD:  Imbibe-v-to drink or to receive and absorb into the mind:

·         AWOD:  Modesty-n-Being comfortable that others will discover your greatness.

·         LYRIC:  “Maybe all I need is a new metaphor for reality.”—Queensryche

November 10, 2005

·         If A = B and B = C, then A = C, except where void or prohibited by law.—Roy Santoro

·         He is not only dull himself, but the cause of dullness in others.—Samuel Johnson

·         I was deeply unhappy, but I didn't know it because I was happy all the time.—LA Story

·         For lack of anything constructive to say, I will attempt to better mankind with the following advice:  Ha ha hee hee.

·         Gravity brings me down.

·         Her date was pleasant enough, but she knew that if her life was a movie this guy would be buried in the credits as something like “Second Tall Man.”—Russell Beland

·         WOD:  Osculate-v- To kiss. In Mathematics. To have three or more points coincident with.

·         AWOD:  Meeting-n-A place where good ideas go to die.

·         LYRIC:  “Hell opened up and put on a  sale: gather round and haggle for hard cash, we will lie and deceive; even our masters don't know the webs we weave.”—Pink Floyd

November 14,2005

·         Just because some of us can read and write and do a little math, that doesn't mean we deserve to conquer the Universe.—Kurt Vonnegut, Hocus Pocus

·         It is a lesson which all history teaches wise men, to put trust in ideas, and not in circumstances.—Ralph Waldo Emerson

·         On a scale of 1 to 10, 4 is about 7.

·         Pobody's Nerfect!

·         My psychiatrist says I have a messiah complex.  But I forgive him.

·         Those who jump off a Paris bridge are in Seine.

·         WOD:  Quotidian-adj- Everyday; commonplace

·         AWOD:  Permanent-n-a temporary government program.—Milton Friedman,

·         LYRIC:  “Lack of skill dictates economy of style.”—Joey Ramone

November 16, 2005

·         What inspires me is a spontaneous method of irrational knowledge founded on the critical interpretive association of the delirious phenomena.—Salvador Dali

·         People seem to misinterpret complexity as sophistication.—Niklaus Wirth

·         I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

·         Your manuscript is both good and original; but the part that is good is not original, and the part that is original is not good.—Samuel Johnson

·         Woke up this morning.  Forgot the alamo.

·         The universe is a big place, perhaps the biggest.—Kurt Vonnegut, Jr.

·         WOD:  Aplomb-n-Assurance of manner or of action; self-possession; confidence; coolness.

·         AWOD:  Annoying-v-two people who go right on talking when you're interrupting

·         LYRIC:  “With the power of conviction, there is no sacrifice.”—Pat Benatar

November 18, 2005

·         I could prove God statistically.—George Gallup,

·         Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.—Lazarus Long

·         Eschew ampersands & abbreviations, etc.

·         Economists state their GNP growth projections to the nearest tenth of a percentage point to prove they have a sense of humor.—Edgar R. Fiedler

·         I think in one of my previous lives I was a mighty king, because I like people to do what I say.—Jack Handey

·         Haiku is pointless.  Culturally obnoxious.  Complete waste of time.—Lloyd Wood

·         WOD:  Tendentious-adj-marked by a strong tendency in favor of a particular point of view.

·         AWOD:  Appeal-n-in law, to put the dice into the box for another throw.—Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC:  “I was young and foolish then, I feel old and foolish now.”—They Might Be Giants

November 29, 2005

·         I have made this letter longer than usual, only because I have not had the time to make it shorter.—Blaise Pascal, Provincial Letters

·         Don't tell me how hard you work.  Tell me how much you get done.—James J. Ling

·         Don't be so humble; you're not that great.—Golda Meir

·         I have forgotten more law than you ever knew, but allow me to say, I have not forgotten much.—Sir John Maynard

·         Happiness can't buy money.

·         I regard you with an indifference closely bordering on aversion.—Robert Louis Stevenson

·         WOD:  Tetchy-adj-peevish; testy; irritable.

·         AWOD:  Carpet-n-An expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.

·        LYRIC:  “If I claim to be a wise man, it surely means that I don't know.”—Kansas

November 29, 2005

·         The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

·         When I was young, I admired clever people. Now that I am old, I admire kind people.—Abraham Joshua Heschel, theology professor (1907-1972)

·         You should watch where I'm going.—Frankenstein

·         “Bad knee, gotta run!”—Pat Buchanan to his draft board

·         I mean it from the heart of my bottom.

·         Those who get too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.

·         WOD:  Velitation-n-A minor dispute or skirmish.

·         AWOD: Slang-n-Language that spits on its hands and goes to work.—Carl Sandburg

·         LYRIC:  “And the price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings.”—Counting Crows: Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby

December 1, 2005

Math is like love:  A simple idea but it can get complicated.—R. Drabek

War would end if the dead could return.—Stanley Baldwin, statesman(1867-1947)

I hope if dogs ever take over the world and they choose a king, they don't just go by size, because I bet there are some Chihuahuas with some good ideas.  -- Jack Handey,

Whenever people agree with me I always feel I must be wrong.—Oscar Wilde

I used to grammar bad, but now I got worser.,

I have looked in so many places that I am sure I am closer to its being found than it being lost.  -- Winnie the Pooh,

WOD:  Anathema-n-Something or someone intensely disliked; A ban, curse, or vigorous denunciation.

AWOD:  Back-n-that part of your friend which it is your privilege to contemplate in your adversity.—Ambrose Bierce

LYRIC:  “I like my sugar with coffee and cream.”—Beastie Boys

December 05, 2005

·         Statistics prove that in the United States more Americans are killed in automobile accidents than are killed by buffalo.—Art Buchwald

·         The problem is not those who dream, but those who can ONLY dream.—Ayn Rand,

·         People who like this sort of thing will find this the sort of thing they like.—Abraham Lincoln

·         Stimpy, your wealth of ignorance astounds me.—Ren Hoek

·         The right to be heard does not include the right to be taken seriously.—Hubert Humphrey

·         Prejudice is a wonderful time-saver.  You can form opinions without bothering to obtain facts.

·         WOD:  Nival-adj-Of, growing in, or relating to, snow.

·         AWOD:  Responsibility-n-The price of greatness.—Winston Churchill,

·         LYRIC:  “So if you have a date in Constantinople she'll be waiting in Istanbul.”—They Might Be Giants

December 7, 2005

·         Problems worthy of attack prove their worth by hitting back.—Piet Hein, Grooks

·         Progress occurs when we are no longer willing to accept the consequences of our inaction.

·         People usually get what's coming to them.  Unless it's been mailed.

·         My wife never tells me what to do; usually, she just points.

·         It is dangerous to be sincere unless you are also stupid.—George Bernard Shaw

·         My life isn't very exciting, but it gets me through the day.

·         WOD:  Dryasdust-adj-Extremely dull, dry, or boring.

·         AWOD:  Tax Return-n-an annual fiction contest with no prize

·         LYRIC:  “If you just want the best, turn to yourself for the rest, and forget about the ones who have it all.  Be careful of the ones who have it all.”—Bad Religion

December 9, 2005

·         The probability that we may fail in the struggle ought not to deter us from the support of a cause we believe to be just.—Abraham Lincoln

·         People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care.—James F. Hind

·         Need a change of scenery?  Date a stage hand.

·         Seven years of college down the drain...—Animal House

·         Only cosmetologists give make-up exams.

·         Not many people realize just how well known I am.

·         WOD:  Prufrockian-adj-Marked by timidity and indecisiveness, and beset by unfulfilled   aspirations. From TS Eliot. (an eponym-derived from people’s names)

·         AWOD:  Politics-n-show business for ugly people.—Jay Leno

·         LYRIC:  “We are all just prisoners here, of our own device.”—The Eagles: Hotel California

December 13, 2005

·         I think there is only one quality worse than hardness of heart, and that is softness of head.—Theodore Roosevelt, 26th US President (1858-1919)\

·         Mathematics has given economics rigor, but alas, also mortis.  -- Robert Heilbroner,

·         If a sailor's belly button filled up with snow, it would be a naval nival navel.

·         You should never wear your best trousers when you go out to fight for freedom and liberty.—Henrick Ibson

·         Sometimes, a foreign phrase can add a little `je ne sais rien.'

·         Writing carefully, dangling participles must be avoided.

·         WOD:  Carte Blanche-n-Unrestricted authority.

·         AWOD:  Bureaucracy-n-The process of turning energy into solid waste.

·         LYRIC:  “I take my twist with a shout”—The Killers: Indie Rock & Roll

December 15, 2005

Lets face it.  We all know Christmas is a big commercial racket.  It's run by a big Eastern Syndicate you know.—A Charlie Brown Christmas

On Christmas day you can't get sore, Your fellow man you must adore, There's time to cheat him all the more The other three hundred and sixty-four"—Tom Lehrer

Come shop at our Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale!

I got a book on helium for Christmas.  I can't put it down.

You might be a redneck if Redman Chewing Tobacco sends you a Christmas card.

Give your child mental blocks for Christmas.

WOD:  Benison-n-blessing; benediction.

AWOD:  Christmas-n-when the children get something, and the parents pay.  A deficit is when the parents get something, and the children pay.—Mike Harris,

LYRIC:  “So this is Christmas, and what have you done?”—John Lennon

January 4, 2006

·         Neither a man nor a crowd nor a nation can be trusted to act humanely or to think sanely under the influence of a great fear.—Bertrand Russell,philosopher, mathematician, author, Nobel laureate (1872-1970)

·         Power does not corrupt. Fear corrupts... perhaps the fear of a loss of power.—John Steinbeck, novelist, Nobel laureate (1902-1968)

·         I went to watch Pavarotti once. He doesn't like it when you join in.—Mick Miller.

·         On cable TV they have a weather channel - 24 hours of weather. We had something like that where I grew up. We called it a window.—Dan Spencer

·         This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two.—George Burns.

·         The art galleries of Paris contain the finest collection of frames I ever saw.—Humphrey Davy.

·         WOD:  Sprachgefuhl-n-A feeling for language or a sensitivity for what is correct language.

·         AWOD:  Television-n-an invention that permits you to be entertained in your living room by people you wouldn't have in your home.--David Frost

·         LYRIC:  “Sometimes I wish that I was the weather, you'd bring me up in conversation forever. And when it rained, I'd be the talk of the day”.—John Mayer

January 6, 2006

·         It can be of no practical use to know that Pi is irrational, but if we can know, it surely would be intolerable not to know.—E. C. Titchmarsh
Politicians are interested in people. Not that this is always a virtue. Fleas are interested in dogs.—PJ O'Rourke

·         I bought an audio cleaning tape. I'm a big fan of theirs.—Kevin Gildea.

·         I told my psychiatrist that everyone hates me. He said I was being ridiculous - everyone hasn't met me yet.—Rodney Dangerfield.

·         My father hated radio and could not wait for television to be invented so he could hate that too.—Peter De Vries

·         I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.—Woody Allen

·         WOD:  Cheeky-adj-Impertinently bold; impudent and saucy.

·         AWOD:  Experience-n-the name every one gives to their mistakes.—Oscar Wilde

·         LYRIC:  “. . .Your brain gets smart but your head gets dumb. . .”—Smashmouth

January 10, 2006

·         The best material model of a cat is another, or preferably the same, cat.—A. Rosenblueth

·         We must believe in luck. For how else can we explain the success of those we don't like.—Jean Cocteau.

·         People are wrong when they say opera is not what it used to be. It is what it used to be. That is what's wrong with it.—Noel Coward.

·         Wagner's music is better than it sounds.—Mark Twain

·         I never know what I think about something until I read what I've written on it.—
William Faulkner

·         I used to sell furniture for a living. The trouble was, it was my own.—Les Dawson.

·         WOD:  Mogigraphia-n-Writer's cramp.

·         AWOD:  Happiness-n-having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.—George Burns

·         LYRIC:  “station to station, desensitizing the nation.”—Jack Johnson: Good People

January 12, 2006

·         A good mathematical joke is better, and better mathematics, than a dozen mediocre papers.—J.E. Littlewood  (1885 -1977)

·         I much prefer the sharpest criticism of a single intelligent man to the thoughtless approval of the masses. –Johannes Kepler

·         I must confess, I was born at a very early age.—Groucho Marx

·         Growing up, I was the kid next door's imaginary friend.—Emo Phillips

·         I hate music, especially when it's played.—Jimmy Durante.

·         I went to the bank and asked to borrow a cup of money. They said, "What for?" I said, "I'm going to buy some sugar.—Steven Wright

·         WOD:  Gaucherie-n,adj-a socially awkward or tactless act; also, lack of tact.

·         AWOD:  Sociology-n-the study of people who do not need to be studied by people who do.—ES Turner

·         LYRIC:  “Though I know I’ll never lose affection for people and things that went before, I know I’ll often stop and think about them.  In my life, I love you more.”—Lennon and McCartney: In My Life

January 17, 2006

·         omnia apud me mathematica fiunt. (With me everything turns into mathematics.)—René Descartes (1596-1650)

·         Enjoyment is not a goal, it is a feeling that accompanies important
ongoing activity.—Paul Goodman

·         I love being a writer. What I can’t stand is the paperwork.— Peter De Vries

·         I know you believe you understand what you think I said. But I am not sure you ealize that what you heard is not what I meant.—Patrick Murray

·         I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.—Groucho Marx

·         Most of the time I don’t have much fun. The rest of the time I don’t have any fun at all.—Woody Allen

·         WOD:  Querulous-adj-habitually complaining.

·         AWOD:  Encyclopedias-n-a system for collecting dust in alphabetical order.

·         LYRIC:  “Sometimes you can’t make it, the best you can do is fake it.  Sometimes you can’t make it on your own.”—U2

January 19, 2006

·         I have no faith in political arithmetic.—Adam Smith

·         Nothing is ever lost by courtesy. It is the cheapest of pleasures, costs nothing, and conveys much.—Erastus Wiman

·         Men who don't understand women fall into two groups: Bachelors and Husbands.—Jacques Languirand

·         I don't deserve this award, but I have arthritis and I don't deserve that either. ~Jack Benny

·         If God wanted us to fly, He would have given us tickets. ~Mel Brooks

·         Though I am not naturally honest, I am so sometimes by chance.—William Shakespeare

·         WOD:  Rident-adj-Laughing; cheerful

·         AWOD:  Genius-n-a man who can rewrap a new shirt and not have any pins left over.—Dino Levi

·         LYRIC:  “Cryin won’t help you, you’ve been so mean to me.”—BB King

January 23, 2006

·         The real end of science is the honor of the human mind.—Carl Jacobi

·         How wonderful it is that nobody need wait a single moment before starting to improve the world. –Anne Frank

·         Children are unpredictable. You never know what inconsistency they're going to catch you in next.—Franklin P. Jones

·         A king can stand people fighting but he can't last long if people start thinking.—Will Rogers, humorist (1879-1935)

·         I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

·         I have a stepladder. It's a very nice stepladder but it's sad that I never knew my real ladder.—Craig Charles

·         WOD:  Trepid-adj-Fearful; timid.

·         AWOD:  Extravagance-n-anything you buy that is of no earthly use to your wife.—Franklin Adams

·         LYRIC:  “Where you live should not decide whether you live or whether you die.”—U2: Crumbs From Your Table

January 25, 2006

·         I recall once saying that when I had given the same lecture several times I couldn't help feeling that they really ought to know it by now.—J.E. Littlewood (1885 -1977)

·         Extreme justice is extreme injustice. -Marcus Tullius Cicero, statesman, orator, writer (106-43 BCE)

·         Tell your boss what you really think about him and the truth shall set you free.—Patrick Murray

·         As Miss America, my goal is to bring peace to the entire world and then get my own appartment.

·         We were allowed to accept gifts of flowers, candies, jewels, furs, yachts, castles - but never money.—Quentin Crisp

·         Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.

·         WOD:  Repartee-n-A quick, witty reply or conversation.; Cleverness in making witty conversation.

·         AWOD:  Old-adj-when you stoop to tie your shoelaces and wonder what else you could do while you're down there.—George Burns.

·         LYRIC:  “From the forest itself comes the handle for the axe”.—Matisyahu: Chop ‘em Down

January 27, 2006

·         Errors using inadequate data are much less than those using no data at all.—Charles Babbage (1792-1871)

·         In the republic of mediocrity genius is dangerous.—Robert G. Ingersoll, lawyer and orator (1833-1899)

·         Cheer up, the worst is yet to come.

·         I'm a philosophy major. That means I can think deep thoughts about being unemployed.

·         Children are the most desirable opponents at scrabble as they are both easy to beat and fun to cheat.—Fran Lebowitz

·         We must all hear the universal call to like your neighbor like you like to be liked yourself.—George W. Bush

·         WOD:  Badinage-n-persiflage; Light, playful remarks; banter.

·         AWOD:  Money-n-the poor man's credit card.—Marshall McLuhan.

·         LYRIC:  “The only pain is to feel nothing at all.”—U2: A Man and A Woman

January 31, 2006

·         From a drop of water a logician could predict an Atlantic or a Niagara.—Sir Arthur Conan Doyle (1859-1930)

·         Every man stamps his value on himself... man is made great or small by his own will.—J.C.F. von Schiller

·         When I told my friends I was going to be a comedian, they laughed at me.—Carrot Top.

·         His insomnia was so bad, he couldn't sleep during office hours.—Arthur Baer

·         What's on your mind, if you'll forgive the overstatement?—Fred Allen

·         I have just returned from a children's party. I'm one of the survivors.—Percy French

·         WOD:  Wunderkind-n-a child prodigy.

·         AWOD:  Medicine-n-the art of amusing a patient while nature affects the cure.—Voltaire

·         LYRIC:  “We did it, we did it, we did it, yah!  Lo Hicimos!”—Dora the Explorer

February 2, 2006

·         The art of doing mathematics consists in finding that special case which contains all the germs of generality.—David Hilbert (1862-1943)

·         Circumstances are beyond human control, but our conduct is in our own power.—Benjamin Disraeli

·         You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you this look that says, "My God, you're right! I never would've thought of that!"—Dave Barry

·         An archaeologist is best husband a woman can have: the older she gets, the more interested he is in her.—Agatha Christie.

·         You know when you put a stick in water and it looks bent? That's why I never take baths.—Steven Wright

·         In a mere half century films have gone from silent to unspeakable.—Doug Larson

·         More and more these days I find myself pondering how to reconcile my net income with my gross habits.—John Nelson.

·         WOD:  Sartorial-adj-Related to a tailor or tailored clothes.

·         AWOD:  Childhood-n-that wonderful time when all you need to do to lose weight is take a bath.—Richard Zera

·         LYRIC:  “Bicycle, bicycle.  I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride my bike.  I want to ride my bicycle, I want to ride it when I like.”—Queen

February 7, 2006

·         "Necessity is the mother of invention" is a silly proverb. "Necessity is the mother of futile dodges" is much nearer the truth.—Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)

·         All the flowers of tomorrow are in the seeds of yesterday.—Proverb

·         Today's payslip has more deductions than a Sherlock Holmes novel.—Raymond Cvikota

·         In the begining there was nothing and God said 'Let there be light', and there was still nothing but everybody could see it.—Dave Thomas.

·         Ice-cream is exquisite. What a pity it isn't illegal.—Voltaire.

·         The depressing thing about tennis is that no matter how good I get, I'll never be as good as a wall.—Mitch Hedberg

·         WOD:  Tendentious-adj-Marked by a strong tendency in favor of a particular point of view.

·         AWOD:  Obstacles-n-things a person sees when he takes his eyes off his goal.—E. Joseph Cossman

·         LYRIC:  “I will carry you through the hurricane waters.”—Citizen Cope

February 14, 2006

[Mathematics] is an independent world Created out of pure intelligence.—William Wordsworth (1770 - 1850)

The world of achievement has always belonged to the optimist.—J. Harold Wilkins

The nice thing about meditation is that it makes doing nothing quite respectable.—Paul Dean

He ended the job as he began it; fired with enthusiasm.—Don O'Shaughnessy

They usually have two tellers in my local bank, except when it's very busy, when they have one.—Rita Rudner

If you think your boss is stupid remember; you wouldn't have a job if he was smarter.—Albert Gran

WOD:  Spoony-adj-Foolishly or sentimentally in love.

AWOD:  Classic-n-something that everybody wants to have read and nobody wants to read.—Mark Twain

LYRIC:  “I see the bad moon rising.  I see trouble on the way.  I see earthquakes and lightin’.  I see bad times today.”—CCR: Bad Mood Rising

February 16, 2006

·         ...he seemed to approach the grave as an hyperbolic curve approaches a line, less directly as he got nearer, till it was doubtful if he would ever reach it at all.—Thomas Hardy

·         Judge a man by his questions rather than by his answers –Voltaire

·         You can stay young forever if you live modestly, get lots of sleep, work hard, pray daily, and lie about your age.

·         Somebody once said that all quotes should be accurately attributed.

·         Thankfully, by the year 2016 rash predictions will be a thing of the past.

·         What's the difference between a viola and a violin?  Violas burn longer.

·         WOD:  Impugn-v- To attack as false or questionable; challenge in argument

·         AWOD:  Appetite-n-an instinct thoughtfully implanted by Providence as a solution to the labor question Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC:  “We'll be sleeping in the flowers, tell my boss that I've been fired.”—They Might Be Giants

February 20, 2006

·         Our minds are finite, and yet even in these circumstances of finitude we are surrounded by possibilities that are infinite, and the purpose of life is to grasp as much as we can out of that infinitude.—Alfred North Whitehead (1861 - 1947)

·         Learning without thought is labor lost; thought without learning is perilous.—Confucius

·         Mixed metaphors can kill two birds without a paddle.

·         Some early drafts of this quotation had had clumsy juxtapositions.

·         State your opinions forcefully.  This is perhaps the key to successful writing.

·         You can short-circuit the two or three neurons that people use for common sense by appealing to their greed.—Dogbert

·         WOD:  Titivate-v-To smarten up; to spruce up.

·         AWOD:  Critic-n-a person who boasts himself hard to please because nobody tries to please him.—Ambrose Bierce

·         LYRIC:  “What you’ve done is put yourself between a bullet and a target.”—Citizen Cope

­February 22, 2006

·         Certitude is not the test of certainty. We have been cocksure of many things that are not so.—Oliver Wendell Holmes

·         A person needs a little madness, or else they never dare cut the rope and be free.—Nikos Kazantzakis

·         Would you please comment on the relative merits of the pulsation instability model and the accretion disk instability model for the explanation of outbursts of cataclysmic variable stars?

·         Some writers introduce a large number, N, of unnecessary symbols.

·         Writing about music is like dancing about architecture.  -- Frank Zappa

·         Weekends are a bit like rainbows; they look good from a distance but disappear when you get up close to them.  -- John Shirley

·         WOD:  Excoriate-v-to express strong disapproval of; also, to flay.

·         AWOD:  Eyedropper-n-A clumsy ophthalmologist

·         LYRIC:  “And he stole from the rich and the poor and the not very rich and the very poor, and he stole all hearts away.”—Morrissey: First of the Gang

February 24, 2006

·         The chief aim of all investigations of the external world should be to discover the rational order and harmony which has been imposed on it by God and which He revealed to us in the language of mathematics.—Johannes Kepler (1571-1630)

·         Outside show is a poor substitute for inner worth.—Aesop

·         World ends today at 9:30pm!  Film following at 11:00...

·         Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you mad.  -- Aldous Huxley

·         When the insects take over the world, we hope they will remember with gratitude how we took them along on all our picnics.  -- Bill Vaughan

·         We're from the law firm of Mann, Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.

·         WOD:  Probity-n-complete and confirmed integrity.

·         AWOD:  Computer Science-n-a study akin to numerology and astrology, but lacking the precision of the former and the success of the latter

·         LYRIC:  “ Grace.  It’s a name for a girl.  It’s also a thought that changed the world.  And when she walks on the street, you can hear the strings. Grace finds goodness in everything.”—U2: Grace

February 28, 2006

·         Contradiction is not a sign of falsity, nor the lack of contradiction a sign of truth.—Blaise Pascal (1623-1662)

·        Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it.—Andre Gide

·         The bigger a person's head gets, the easier it is to fill his shoes!—Henry A.Courtney

·         The World Record holder for blowing a bugle whilst riding a bike uphill dragging four hundredweight of pig iron and holding his breath is buried at...—Spike Milligan

·         The Theorem theorem:  If if, then then.

·         The Government is the only institution that can take a valuable commodity like paper, and make it worthless by applying ink—Ludwig van Moses

·         WOD:  Comity-n-a state of mutual harmony, friendship, and respect.

·         AWOD:  Pentagon-n-a place where costs are always rounded to the nearest tenth of a billion dollars

·         LYRIC:  “The smallest oceans still get big big waves.”—Pearl Jam

March 6, 2006

·         The whole point of this sentence is to make clear what the whole point of this sentence is.—Douglas R Hofstadter,

·         There is enough for all in this world but not enough to meet one man's greed.—Mahatma Gandhi,

·         That that is is not that that is not.

·         Thank you for sending me a copy of your book.  I'll waste no time reading it.

·         Take the bull by the hand and avoid mixing metaphors.

·         That Barney Rubble.  What an ACTOR!—Night Shift

·         WOD:  Exegete-n-one who explains or interprets difficult parts of written works.

·         AWOD:  Perfume-n-A smell that is used to drown a worse one.—Elbert Hubbard

·         LYRIC:  “The good old days weren't always good, and tomorrow ain't as bad as it seems.”—Billy Joel

March 16, 2006

·         The greatest unsolved theorem in mathematics is why some people are better at it than others.—Adrian Mathesis

·         The most exhausting thing in life is being insincere.—Anne Morrow Lindbergh, writer (1906-2001)

·         All snakes who wish to remain in Ireland will please raise their right hands.—Saint Patrick

·         Anybody can win, unless there happens to be a second entry.

·         Besides, we don't make mistakes here, we just have happy accidents.—Bob Ross, Joy of Painting

·         Any wire cut to length will be too short.

·         WOD:  Megalomania-n-A mental disorder characterized by delusions of grandeur.

·         AWOD:  Diamond-n-a piece of coal that just did well under pressure.

·         LYRIC:  “It’s wonderful to be here, It’s certainly a thrill.  Your’re such a lovely audience, We’d like to take you home with us.”—Paul McCartney: Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band

April 4, 2006

·         As time approaches zero, work approaches infinity

·         By trying, we can easily learn to endure adversity -- another man's, I mean.—Mark Twain

·         Black holes are outta sight!

·         C'est la vie, c'est la guerre, c'est un pomme de terre.  That's life, that's war, that's a potato.

·         Consider the daffodil.  And while you're doing that, I'll be over here, looking through your stuff.—Jack Handey

·         The Vogon ship hovered in the air, much the same way that bricks don't.—Douglas Adams,

·         Tell a man that there are 400 billion stars and he will believe you.  Tell him a bench has wet paint and he has to touch it.,

·         WOD:  Equipollent-n-Equal in force, power, effectiveness, or significance; tantamount

·         AWOD:  Yawn-n-a silent shout.—G.K. Chesterton

·         LYRIC:   “Hey! You, get off of my cloud!”—Rolling Stones

April 6, 2006

·         Statistics indicate that as a result of overwork, modern executives are dropping like flies on the nation's golf courses.—Ira Wallach

·         High achievement always takes place in the framework of high expectation.—Charles F. Kettering

·         TV is amazing.  I haven't had a thought in my head for 3 hours.—3rd Rock from the Sun,

·         Spell chequers dew knot work write.  Spelling is a lossed art.

·         Nothing cures insomnia like the realization that it's time to get up.,

·         Summer makes me drowsy, Autumn makes me sing, Winter's pretty lousy, but I hate Spring.—Dorothy Parker, The New Yorker, 3/24/1928

·         WOD:  Martinet-n-A strict disciplinarian.

·         AWOD:  Biology-n-the only science in which multiplication means the same thing as division.

·         LYRIC:  “Take it easy, don't let the sound of your own wheels make you crazy.”—Eagles

April 10, 2006

·         The universe is like a safe to which there is a combination.  But the combination is locked up in the safe.—Peter DeVries

·         You can stand tall without standing on someone. You can be a victor without having victims.—Harriet Woods (1927-) American Politician

·         My doctor told me to stop having intimate dinners for four.  Unless there are three other people.—Orson Welles

·         Excessive hyperbole is literally the kiss of death.

·         Nobody realizes that some people expend tremendous energy merely to be normal.  -- Albert Camus,

·         People will do tomorrow what they did today because that is what they did yesterday.

·         WOD:  Stripling-n-A youth in the state of adolescence; a lad.

·         AWOD:  Children-n-natural mimics who act like their parents despite every effort to teach them good manners.

·         LYRIC:  “Someday we'll find it, the Rainbow Connection, the lovers, the dreamers, and me.”—Kermit the Frog

April 12, 2006

·         CNN reported that the new prime was 4 times bigger than the former largest prime.

·         Hard work has made it easy. That is my secret. That is why I win.—Nadia Comaneci.

·         Any idiot can face a crisis.  It's the day-to-day living that wears you out.—Anton Chekhov

·         Apocalypse now... or your money back!

·         Archduke Ferdinand found alive -- First World War a mistake!

·         Caution:  your paradigms may have shifted while reading this message.

·         WOD:  Coeval-n-One of the same age; a contemporary.

·         AWOD:  Conversation-n-A vocal competition in which the one who is catching his breath is called the listener.

·         LYRIC:  “Can't shake the devil's hand and say you're only kidding.”—They Might Be Giants