Redd Foxx Quotes

·         Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

·         Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

·         Hey! Leave the door open will ya?  The flies haven’t been out all day.

·         Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had! You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey!

·         I ain't afraid to give you one across the lips!

·         You just dumb, son. You just dumb.

·         Lamont Sanford: You're a dirty old man ya know that?
Fred Sanford: And I'm gonna be one 'till I'm a dead old man!

·         Fred Sanford: I still want to sow some wild oats!
Lamont Sanford: At your age, you don't have no wild oats, you got shredded wheat!

·         Fred Sanford: We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans?
Lamont Sanford: The oven don't work.
Fred Sanford: Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or...
Lamont Sanford: Would you stop that?!

·         My name's Fred Sanford. That's S-A-N-F-O-R-D period.

·         Fred Sanford: Now she's got TB.
Lamont Sanford: What?
Fred Sanford: Terrific Body.

·         Tell him in Puerto Rican--"Goat-o, get out of el house-o!!"

·         Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker!!
Fred Sanford: I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

·         Aunt Esther: I cant believe it, you with a mop in your hand? Its about time you faced up to this mess.
Fred Sanford: Speaking of facing up to this mess, who messed up this face.

·         Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down!
Fred Sanford: And this Louisville slugger will knock you out!

·         Aunt Esther: Woodrow and I are going to have a baby.
Fred Sanford: Well somebody better call the zoo.

·         Fred Sanford: Ain't you got some work to do, Oleo?
Julio: The name is Julio, Mr. Stanford!
Fred Sanford: It's "Sanford", Julio!
Julio: Okay, then.
Fred Sanford: Why don't you clean your yard up? Go take a bath! Go milk your goat!
Julio: I did all that this morning, man.
Fred Sanford: Well, why don't you go back to Puerto Rico?
Julio: Mr. Sanford, I told you. I come from New York City. And I can live in any 50 states that I want.
Fred Sanford: Well, how about Alaska? That's a state!

·         Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free!
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months!

·         For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.

·         If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.

·         You’re going into business with that Puerto Rican?  You ought to call yourselves “Julio and Big Foolio.”

·         There’s the members of the new partnership: Fuentes, Fuentes, Chico, and Dummo.

·         If I go over there I might have a heart attack when I see he’s dead.  If I stay, I might have a heart attack just from the suspense of not knowing.  So, whether I stay or I go, I go.

·         Fred Sanford to Aunt Ester: " You make me wish that birth control was retroactive."

·         Mrs. Fuentes:  Buenos noches, Senor Sanford

Fred Sanford: Broken Notches to you too.

·         It’s some chopped liver.  That’s Jewish soul food.

·         I got a truck outside with my name on it: Sanford and Son.  I’m Sanford and this is Son.

·         Hazel, if I hit you in the mouth, I bet your lips get to the hospital before the amulance.

·         Lamont:  Dad, why won’t you call me “Kalunda?”

Fred: OK, “Ca-lenda’!”

·         You see, I can’t, on account of my Arthritis.

·         Son, I built this Empire for y\ou.

·         That’s what happens when the “Big One” comes.  You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.

·         What’s an archive, son?  Is that anything like a closet?

·         I ain’t from Africa.  I’m from St. Louis.

·         Fred:  Look Lamont, that boy stole something from us.  Look at his back pocket!

Boy:   There’s nothing in my back pocket but me.

Fred:  Boy, everything you eat must go straight to your back pocket.

·         Fred:  OK boy, let’s play another game.  There’s one card for you, two for me, three for you, four for me.  OK, count your cards.  How many do you got?

Boy:  4.

Fred:  I have 6, I win.

·         You hear that Elizabeth?  I’m coming to join you, and I’m bringin’ a 5^th of Ripple. (Glug, Glug)  Well, maybe not quite a 5^th.

·         Oliyana:  Mr. Sanford.  You have some beautiful pieces.

Fred:  Thank you very much.  I coordinated it all myself.  Lamont just brought that African junk here today.

·         Fred:  OK boy, let’s play another game.  There’s one card for you, two for me, three for you, four for me.  OK, count your cards.  How many do you got?

Boy:  4.

Fred:  I have 6, I win.

·         Lamont:  Dad, why don't you act your age instead of your shoe size.

Fred:  Son, if you don't shut your lip, you're gonna feel my shoe size.

·        When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

·        Sanford and Son is more than just a name.  It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire.  This here is the finest pile of junk of the world.