Redd Foxx Quotes

Photo of Redd Foxx

         Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.

         Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals dying of nothing.

         Hey! Leave the door open will ya?  The flies havenít been out all day.

         Oh, this is the biggest one I ever had! You hear that Elizabeth? I'm coming to join you honey!

         I ain't afraid to give you one across the lips!

         You just dumb, son. You just dumb.

         Lamont Sanford: You're a dirty old man ya know that?
Fred Sanford: And I'm gonna be one 'till I'm a dead old man!

         Fred Sanford: I still want to sow some wild oats!
Lamont Sanford: At your age, you don't have no wild oats, you got shredded wheat!

         Fred Sanford: We could have a little pork and beans now and a little zucchini later. Or a little zucchini now and a little pork and beans later. Or if you like the pork and beans, you can have them and I'll take the zucchini or I can take the pork and beans and you the zucchini so what will it be? Zucchini or pork and beans?
Lamont Sanford: The oven don't work.
Fred Sanford: Oh, in that case, we'll have some cold pork and beans now or...
Lamont Sanford: Would you stop that?!

         My name's Fred Sanford. That's S-A-N-F-O-R-D period.

         Fred Sanford: Now she's got TB.
Lamont Sanford: What?
Fred Sanford: Terrific Body.

         Tell him in Puerto Rican--"Goat-o, get out of el house-o!!"

         Aunt Esther: Who you calling ugly, sucker!!
Fred Sanford: I'm calling you ugly, I could push your face in some dough and make gorilla cookies.

         Aunt Esther: I cant believe it, you with a mop in your hand? Its about time you faced up to this mess.
Fred Sanford: Speaking of facing up to this mess, who messed up this face.

         Aunt Esther: Fred Sanford, the wrath of God will strike you down!
Fred Sanford: And this Louisville slugger will knock you out!

         Aunt Esther: Woodrow and I are going to have a baby.
Fred Sanford: Well somebody better call the zoo.

         Fred Sanford: Ain't you got some work to do, Oleo?
Julio: The name is Julio, Mr. Stanford!
Fred Sanford: It's "Sanford", Julio!
Julio: Okay, then.
Fred Sanford: Why don't you clean your yard up? Go take a bath! Go milk your goat!
Julio: I did all that this morning, man.
Fred Sanford: Well, why don't you go back to Puerto Rico?
Julio: Mr. Sanford, I told you. I come from New York City. And I can live in any 50 states that I want.
Fred Sanford: Well, how about Alaska? That's a state!

         Lamont Sanford: You know what they say, the truth will set you free!
Fred Sanford: Your uncle Edgar told the truth, and the judge gave him six months!

         For a dummy, you make a lot of sense.

         If God wanted you to eat Puerto Rican Food, he would have lined your stomach with Pepto Bismol.

         Youíre going into business with that Puerto Rican?  You ought to call yourselves ďJulio and Big Foolio.Ē

         Thereís the members of the new partnership: Fuentes, Fuentes, Chico, and Dummo.

         If I go over there I might have a heart attack when I see heís dead.  If I stay, I might have a heart attack just from the suspense of not knowing.  So, whether I stay or I go, I go.

         Fred Sanford to Aunt Ester: " You make me wish that birth control was retroactive."

         Mrs. Fuentes:  Buenos noches, Senor Sanford

Fred Sanford: Broken Notches to you too.

         Itís some chopped liver.  Thatís Jewish soul food.

         I got a truck outside with my name on it: Sanford and Son.  Iím Sanford and this is Son.

         Hazel, if I hit you in the mouth, I bet your lips get to the hospital before the amulance.

         Lamont:  Dad, why wonít you call me ďKalunda?Ē

Fred: OK, ďCa-lendaí!Ē

         You see, I canít, on account of my Arthritis.

         Son, I built this Empire for y\ou.

         Thatís what happens when the ďBig OneĒ comes.  You go to bed fine, then you wake up dead.

         Whatís an archive, son?  Is that anything like a closet?

         I ainít from Africa.  Iím from St. Louis.

         Fred:  Look Lamont, that boy stole something from us.  Look at his back pocket!

Boy:   Thereís nothing in my back pocket but me.

Fred:  Boy, everything you eat must go straight to your back pocket.

         Fred:  OK boy, letís play another game.  Thereís one card for you, two for me, three for you, four for me.  OK, count your cards.  How many do you got?

Boy:  4.

Fred:  I have 6, I win.

         You hear that Elizabeth?  Iím coming to join you, and Iím bringiní a 5th of Ripple. (Glug, Glug)  Well, maybe not quite a 5th.

         Oliyana:  Mr. Sanford.  You have some beautiful pieces.

Fred:  Thank you very much.  I coordinated it all myself.  Lamont just brought that African junk here today.

         Fred:  OK boy, letís play another game.  Thereís one card for you, two for me, three for you, four for me.  OK, count your cards.  How many do you got?

Boy:  4.

Fred:  I have 6, I win.

         Lamont:  Dad, why don't you act your age instead of your shoe size.

Fred:  Son, if you don't shut your lip, you're gonna feel my shoe size.

        When you only make $3000 a year in social security, it's hard to be a philanthropist.

        Sanford and Son is more than just a name.  It's a condition, a dynasty, an empire.  This here is the finest pile of junk of the world.

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